


Fifteen Minutes

by iamcatastrophicc



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-14
Updated: 2018-05-22
Packaged: 2019-02-02 14:04:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 31
Words: 53,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12727989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iamcatastrophicc/pseuds/iamcatastrophicc
Summary: Frank moves to a new town, optimistic about starting a new life with his new friends. Gerard, however, is not so hopeful.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warnings for abuse, alcohol abuse, self harm, suicidal thoughts, bullying

I woke up, staring at the ceiling. I really didn't want to get out of bed, I just wanted to stay and sleep. But then my alarm went off for the second time and I sighed. 

I got up, throwing on a pair of black jeans that were laying on the ground and a random t-shirt. I grabbed my backpack and headed outside, thankful for the fact that it wasn't get too cold out yet. 

The walk to school wasn't far, only about fifteen minutes. But those were my fifteen minutes of peace. I put my headphones in, sighing quietly as I walked. There was a tap on my shoulder and I frowned. Who was ruining my fifteen minutes?

“Hey, are you going to Belleville High School?” The guy asked me when I pulled out my earbuds. 

“Yeah,” I said. 

He was a little shorter than me, with short, black hair and tattoos. He was wearing a shirt from The Smiths and had a pair of jeans with a pink belt. He didn't actually look too bad and my slight fear of him went away. He seems like the kind of guy I'd hang out with. 

“So, I know this is gonna just sound stupid and kinda childish but I'm new here and honestly I just wanted to introduce myself to one person so that way I could possibly follow you around for the rest of the day like a scared little puppy,” he said. 

I giggled quietly at his soft blush. 

“O-okay, I'm Gerard,” I said. 

“Frank,” he replied.

We walked to school together and Frank looked around curiously. 

“What grade are you in?” Frank asked. 

“I'm a senior,” I said. 

“So am I,” Frank said with a small smile. “Please tell me we have some classes together.”

He handed me his schedule and I smiled. 

“We have fourth and last hour,” I said. “Which means we've also got lunch together.”

“Oh thank god, I was dreading the whole lunchroom scene,” he said. 

“Do you know where your locker is?” I asked. 

“Yes, I kind of remember from the tour,” he said. “It's in the Upper East hall which is…this way.”

Frank walked off and I chuckled when I watched him go in the opposite direction. I hurried over and grabbed his arm, leading him away. 

“It's this way,” I said. 

“Oh, yeah, that's what I meant, I was just using the shortcut,” Frank said. 

I laughed and brought him to the correct hall. 

“Are you the one that moved in next door to me?” I asked. “I saw all the moving trucks.”

“Yeah, probably me,” Frank said. “Do you believe in fate?”

“No,” I said. 

“I do,” Frank said. 

“So you think it's fate that you moved in right next to me?” I asked. 

“Maybe, I mean, I'd like to think so,” he said. “I like to believe in fate. You know, something happens for a reason.”

I shrugged and he smiled softly as he shut his locker. 

“I know a lot of people think it’s silly,” Frank said. 

“I don't think it's silly, just never really thought about it I guess,” I said. 

Frank smiled and nodded. 

“So, I guess I'll see you in fourth hour,” Frank said. 

I nodded and walked off. I've never believed in fate like Frank did. A part of me didn't want to, I didn't want to believe that everything that has happened to me happened for a reason. 

I was just heading to fourth hour later in the day when I felt a presence behind me. It had been so peaceful all day, for a moment I actually started to believe that fate was real. 

“Fucking loser!” Someone exclaimed, shoving me to the ground. 

I whimpered, looking up at Pete. Thankfully they weren't here long as Pete left with his friends. I headed to class and sat down, Frank not long before me. 

“This place doesn't seem too bad so far,” Frank said. 

I shrugged and he frowned. 

“What's wrong?” He asked. 

“Nothing,” I mumbled. 

Frank bit his lip, looking down for a moment. 

“At my old school there used to be this thing where on Fridays my math teacher would bring in pizza if we all wore the color red,” he said. “It never actually happened, there'd always be that one dick who wouldn't wear red just to ruin it for everyone else.”

When I didn't say anything Frank seemed to realize that I didn't want to talk. He doodled on his paper while the teacher talked.

When class ended Frank followed me down to the cafeteria. We sat down with my one and only friend, Jamia. 

“Gerard? What happened?” She asked immediately. “Was it Pete again?”

I nodded softly and she wrapped her arms around me. 

“Who's Pete?” Frank asked. 

“He is not only the School Jock but also the School Dick,” Jamia said. “He isn't nice to people, particular Gerard and myself.”

“I'm sorry,” Frank said quickly, giving my shoulder a small, kind squeeze. 

I nodded, eating my lunch quietly. 

“I'm Jamia,” my friend beside me said. 

“I'm Frank, I'm new and chose Gerard to follow around like a scared puppy,” Frank said. 

Jamia laughed quietly and pulled out her lunch. 

“I like your hair,” Frank said to Jamia.

“Thanks,” she said, running a hand through her bleach blonde hair. “So, where’d you move here from?”

“Not far, just about half an hour away,” Frank said. “My mom got transferred because of her work. I actually just moved in next door to Gerard, I think it's fate but he doesn't think so.”

“Maybe we can come over and help you unpack?” Jamia offered. 

“Oh, that's okay, you don't have to do that,” he said. 

“Yeah, it'll be great, right, Gerard?” Jamia asked. 

I nodded and he shrugged. 

“I mean, yeah I guess that's okay,” Frank said. 

Jamia smiled and I could feel myself growing a little bit more relaxed now that I was with my friends. That's right, I can officially say friends in plural terms now. 

“Frank's in our last hour class,” I said. 

“Oh, you can join the fun,” Jamia said. 

“‘Fun’,” I scoffed. 

“Well, not a lot of fun because it's still a math class but at least we get to hang out with each other,” Jamia said. 

I nodded my head and she smiled. 

“So, are you two dating?” Frank said after a moment of silence. 

I choked on my food and Jamia laughed. 

“No, I'm, like, really gay,” I said. 

“Oh, sorry,” Frank said. “Just curious about you two I guess.”

“It's okay,” I said. 

“My mom thought we were dating for the longest time too,” Jamia said. “She would get, like, really suspicious and wouldn't let him in my bedroom.”

I chuckled and kissed her cheek. 

“What about you, Frank? Did you leave a special someone back at your old town?” Jamia asked. 

“No, there hasn't been a special someone for awhile,” He said. “I used to date this girl about a year ago and things were pretty great but we just sort of broke things off before things got too serious. It was just a little summer romance thing.”

“Sounds sweet,” Jamia said. 

“She's a hopeless romantic,” I said, taking a bite of my sandwich. 

“It was sweet,” Frank said. “We just went on little summer dates like the beach and carnivals and amusement parks. And we fucked a lot, of course.”

“That was all so sweet and cute until you said that,” Jamia mumbled. 

“The other parts were really sweet,” Frank said. 

“Were you heart broken when it ended?” Jamia asked. 

“No, it was pretty mutual,” he said. “Once school started we were both just busy and I knew my dad was planning on moving us so we just decided it was the best and that it'd be better to have the sweet memories and stay friends than have a strained relationship.”

“I think that's great,” Jamia said. 

I smiled, nodding my head in agreement. 

“Yeah, we don't talk too often but every now and then we’ll just text each other to see how the other is doing,” he said. “What about the both of you? Have you ever had any romances?”

“No, I just had some small flings with a guy at summer camp,” I said. 

“And I only have dreamy guys on tv shows to cry over,” Jamia said. 

Frank chuckled, running his hand over his water bottle. 

“Halloween?” I asked curiously. 

“Yeah, I was actually born in Halloween,” Frank said. 

“Oh, so it's coming up soon then, you'll be eighteen, right?” I asked and he nodded. 

“Gerard and I usually just spend the Halloween night curled up on the couch eating junk food and watching horror movies,” Jamia said. 

“Got room for one more?” Frank asked.

“Of course we do, Frank,” Jamia said. “Oh, and now we have an excuse to get an entire cake too.”

“We like to wear onesies too,” I said. “To just be like comfy Halloween costumes so that way we're still in the spirit of Halloween a little bit.”

“It's a lot of fun though, you should definitely come along,” Jamia said. 

“Yeah, sounds great,” he said. “It's on a Saturday too which is great because that means can just stay up all night. Besides, usually my parents like to go to birthday dinners with me but I can probably convince them to have a birthday lunch instead.”

The bell rang and I sighed unhappily. 

“Hey, it’s okay,” Jamia reassured, holding my hand. “You know which hallways to avoid and how to avoid Pete and all of them.”

I nodded my head and she kissed my cheek. 

“I can walk you to your next class,” Frank offered. “I think mine is near yours anyways.”

I nodded my head and we cleaned our stuff up, heading to class. 

“You don't seem very unhappy about having to move,” I remarked. 

“I mean, I didn't have much to leave behind,” Frank said with a small shrug. “I had a couple friends but none that were super close and our house here is nicer. I really just don't mind moving here too much.”

“You're really sweet,” I said. 

Frank smiled at me, a sweet smile that made my worries go away.


	2. Chapter 2

I walked into the house with Jamia and looked around at all the boxes. Some dogs ran up and Frank smiled, hugging them. 

“These are my dogs, Sweet Pea, Peppers, Mama and Sinatra,” Frank said. 

“Frank?” Someone asked. 

A small lady with brown hair walked in and smiled. 

“Did you make friends already?” She asked. 

“Yes, this is Gerard and Jamia,” Frank said. “They wanted to help me unpack.”

She nodded and we went upstairs. Frank’s bedroom was completely empty besides the basic furniture. Even his bed didn't have any sheets on it, there was just a throw blanket and a little pillow. 

“Alright, most important thing,” Frank said. 

He reached into a box and smiled as he put a picture frame onto his nightstand. I looked at it and saw it was a photo he had taken of himself with his dogs. 

“You really like your dogs,” I remarked. 

“Of course, they're my babies,” Frank said. 

“So, this is basically just an excuse to snoop through all your stuff,” Jamia said. 

Frank chuckled, opening a box. We helped him set up his room, putting books on the shelf and his sheets on his bed. 

“I can get the clothes on my own time,” Frank said as he hung up the last poster. 

Jamia ran her fingers over one of Frank’s guitars curiously. 

“You play?” She asked. 

“No, I have three guitars just for display to impress girls,” Frank said sarcastically. 

I giggled and he smiled at me. 

“Well, doesn't seem to work for you if you don't have any girls,” Jamia said. 

“That's true,” he said. “No, I like to play, I've been playing since I was about nine.”

“It's pretty cool,” Jamia said. “I don't play, I've never been very good at that kind of stuff and neither has my sister but our brother is pretty good. He's only eleven so he hardly practices but he isn't bad, thankfully, otherwise I'd have to listen to shitty playing.”

Frank smiled, running his fingers over one of the guitars. 

“Do you play?” Frank asked, looking at me. 

“I also tried, not very good,” I said. 

“He's got a hell of a voice though,” Jamia said. 

“Really? Maybe we should do a duo or something sometime?” Frank suggested. 

I blushed, shrugging as I looked down. 

“I've never really played with someone before,” I said. 

“Don't worry, I'll be gentle,” Frank said with a small wink. 

My blushed deepened as I bit my lip. 

“I'm kidding, you don't have to if you don't want to, I know some people are a little performance shy,” he said. “I don't wanna be like that annoying relative that always asks you to play for them.”

I giggled and he sat down on the bed. 

“I'm hungry,” he said. “Where's a good place to get some good food around here?”

“There's a McDonald’s down the street,” Jamia said. 

“I'm a vegetarian but I'll get some fries,” Frank said. 

We headed down to the McDonald’s in Jamia’s car. The three of us ended up in a booth with food as we ate happily. 

“So, what do you think of the new school so far?” Jamia asked. 

“It seems okay,” Frank said. 

I snorted, shaking my head. 

“You don't like it?” Frank asked and I shook my head. “Maybe I can make it better?”

“How?” I asked. 

“I don't know, I'll bring you chocolate every morning,” Frank said and I smiled softly. 

“Deal,” I agreed. 

The door opened and Jamia sunk down in her seat. I looked over and sighed when I saw the group of girls. 

“Who is it?” Frank asked. 

“Whereas Pete and his friends are the School Dicks, these are the School Cunts,” Jamia muttered. 

“I'm glad it's usually only Pete after me because these girls can be vicious,” I said. “They basically terrorize Jamia.”

I looked over at the group, which consisted of Lindsey, Kristin, Hayley and Jenna. 

“Hide me,” Jamia whispered. 

She ducked down under the table just as the group passed by. They whispered something and laughed at me but thankfully didn't seem to notice Jamia as they walked out. 

“Thank you,” Jamia said quietly, sitting back in her seat. 

“Frank, it’s totally cool if you wanna find a new friend group because you might get bullied too for being around us,” I said. 

“Are you kidding me? You two are cool, I’d rather hang out with you,” he said. 

I smiled softly, taking a bite of my burger. 

“You're an only child?” I asked. 

“Yep, thankfully,” he said. “My parents split when I was young so it's just me. I've got a stepmom, though. Maybe I'll get step-siblings soon but I also kind of hope I don't.”

“How often do you see your dad and stepmom?” I asked. 

“Usually just on like holidays or birthdays or just random weekends,” he said. 

I nodded my head, looking around at the mostly empty restaurant. 

“What about you guys?” Frank asked. “You got family.”

“Yeah, a mom and a dad and a younger brother in middle school and I've got an older sister but she's already moved out,” Jamia said. “Which I'm glad about because now I've got my own bedroom.”

“I've just got my mom,” I said. “She's barely home though, so I'm mostly just home alone.”

“Are your parents split too?” Frank asked. 

“Um, no, my dad and my brother died in a car accident when I was younger,” I mumbled. 

“Oh, I-I'm sorry,” he said. “Fuck, I shouldn't have asked, I'm sorry.”

“It's okay, I've moved on, it happened when I was ten,” I said. “You would've found out eventually so why not just get it over with now?”

Frank nodded, taking a drink of his pop. 

“How long have you two known each other?” Frank asked. 

“Probably since we were five,” Jamia said. “We were in the same kindergarten class and became friends because we both had the same Batman backpack.”

I smiled and nodded as she rested her head on my shoulder affectionately. 

“We've been best friends ever since,” I said. 

“I think that's sweet,” Frank said. 

We finished up eating and Jamia got a text. 

“Alright, I've gotta go pick up my little brother,” she said. “Do you want me to drive you guys back?”

“It's not far, we can walk,” I said. 

She smiled and nodded, kissing my cheek before leaving. Frank leaned back in his seat, sipping his drink. 

“She's sweet,” he said. “Now I have two people to follow around like a puppy.”

I chuckled softly, nodding my head. 

“You don't miss your old town?” I asked. 

“No, nothing was really tying me down there,” he said. “But fate has brought me here to you.”

“There's no such thing as fate,” I said, rolling my eyes. “It's just coincidence.”

“Your pronounced fate wrong,” Frank said. 

I rolled my eyes and he laughed. 

“I'm serious, we’re meant to be best friends,” he said. “The fate has spoken and you can't just deny fate.”

“Oh yeah, watch me,” I said. 

I got up, tossing trash into the bin before walking outside. There were footsteps running to catch up and laughing behind me. 

“Can't walk away from fate,” he said. 

“I can if their legs are short enough,” I said and Frank giggled. 

God, he has the cutest little laugh. 

“Don't worry, I can keep up,” he said. 

I smiled, slowing my pace to walk beside him. Frank looked around curiously as the two of us strolled along. 

“So, do you have one of those evil step moms?” I asked. 

Frank chuckled, shaking his head. “I hated her at first but she is really nice. She actually got me Sinatra for my birthday when I was ten so after that I always thought she was pretty cool.”

“Do people just win you over with dogs?” I asked in amusement. 

“Yes they do,” Frank said. “If you want me to do something for you then chances are you can just bribe me with a dog.”

I giggled as we got back to the houses. 

“You wanna come to mine?” I asked. “Unless you need to help your mom unpack.”

“I do, unfortunately,” he said. “And I have school shit I need to catch up on.”

I nodded a little sadly and he gave me a hug. 

“I'll see you tomorrow,” Frank said. “Oh, and let me give you my number before I forget.”

We put our numbers into each other’s phones before he walked into his house. I sighed sadly, walking into my own house. I was quickly taking a liking to Frank, he was so kind and funny. I love Jamia to death but I was kind of glad to have Frank, it's just a fresh face and now I have two whole friends. 

I went to my bedroom, sighing as I laid down on my bed. I pulled out my phone, scrolling through instagram. I looked at Jamia’s account, which thankfully hasn't been found yet by the kids who bully her. She's had to delete her account three times now because those girls would always find it and send such hateful things. 

The two of us used to fit in, we used to have other friends too. In fact, Lindsey and Kristin used to be our friends. But then in middle school Kristin started a rumor that Jamia was a lesbian and in love with Lindsey so they quickly started hating the both of us, especially Jamia. She thought she was a lesbian just because she had cut her hair really short and had it kind of spiked up. After that Jamia started growing out her hair again to try and avoid bullying until recently when she cut and dyed it again. She wasn't even allowed to be invited to anyone’s parties because parents didn't want a lesbian at a sleepover where girls are in cute little pajamas. 

As for me, someone found out about my summer flings with guys and oh man did Pete and his friends have a field day with that. They've been bullying me for being gay for years now and it didn't seem like it was ever going to end. And least I've lost some weight, one less thing to be made fun of for. The tormenting didn't stop though, it just went on and on.


	3. Chapter 3

“Good morning,” Frank said when I walked down my driveway. 

“You always have so much energy,” I muttered. 

We started walking as he smiled and pulled a chocolate bar out of his pocket and handed it to me. 

“Really?” I asked. 

He nodded and I took it from him. I broke it in half and handed him one. 

“Have you finished unpacking?” I asked. 

“Pretty much, we still have some kitchen things in boxes but the majority of it is all unpacked,” he said. “My mom told me she'd get the rest of it today while I'm at school.”

I smiled and nodded, pulling my hoodie tighter around me. We ate chocolate as we neared the school.

“God, I should've stayed home today,” I muttered. 

“But then I wouldn't have been able to see you,” he said. 

I blushed, looking at the school. 

“Come on, let’s go in,” he said. 

“No, I-I really don't want to,” I said. “You go ahead, I’ll see you later at home.”

“Gee, it's okay,” he said softly. 

I shook my head and he reached over to hold my hand. 

“I'll be by your side the entire time,” he promised. 

“You've still gotta go to your own classes,” I said. 

“I don't care, I'll skip just so I can follow you around all day,” he said. 

“Frank, it’s your second day of school, you can't just start skipping classes already,” I said. 

“Oh yeah? Watch me,” Frank said. 

He started walking away from the school and I hurried to catch up with him. 

“Frank?” I asked. 

“I know that you have a really hard time in school so we can just skip,” he said. “We can do something fun, you can show me around.”

“I don't know, it's your second day of school,” I said nervously.

“Well fuck it, who cares?” Frank asked 

“No, come on,” I said. 

Frank followed me inside and I looked around nervously. Of course it was just my luck when I saw Pete no less than five feet away. 

“Look who it is,” Brendon said, pushing me back against the locker as I whimpered. 

“Hey, don't fucking touch him,” Frank said. 

Frank stood between us and I looked at him with wide eyes. Oh god, what was he doing?

“Frank, stop,” I whispered, tugging on his arm. 

“No, they aren't going to pick on you anymore,” Frank said. 

I gasped as Pete punched him. Frank didn't seem to mind as he just fought back. I managed to break them apart, gaining a few punches from Pete in the process. I pulled Frank down the hall quickly

“I'm sorry,” I said. “I didn't mean for--”

“Gee, it’s alright, it's not like that was my first fight or anything,” he said. 

I looked at him sadly, noticing the small cut on his cheek and the bruise on his jaw. 

“You don't have to fight my battles for me,” I said. “Just let them hit me and stuff, it's not your problem.”

“In not going to let them fucking hurt you,” he said. “I'll fight anyone for you, Gee, you shouldn't have to go through this. Those guys are just a bunch of douchebags who each deserve a foot up the ass.”

I smiled softly and he reached over to squeeze my hand. My heart skipped a beat as I looked up at him with wide eyes. Frank just stared back, a small smile on his face. Our trance seemed to be broken when the bell rang. 

“Well, I'll see you later, Fate Boy,” he said.

“Oh god, don't call me that,” I muttered. “It's not fate.”

“I believe in fate and you're my fate,” he said. 

“Fate for what?” I asked. 

“To be best friends? I don't know,” he said. “It just is fate, trust me.”

Frank gave me one last smile before walking off. I stared at him as he walked away, wanting nothing more than to just follow and stay by his side. 

I hadn't felt this connected to someone since I met Jamia. And even this connection seemed to be far deeper than any that I've had with anyone. It scared me a little, what if Frank was right and fate really is real?

“Shouldn't you be in class?” A teacher asked. 

I hurried down the hall to class in embarrassment. I sat in my seat, keeping my head down. I tried to pay attention in class but I just kept thinking back to Frank. How is it that I can meet one person and after a day of knowing them they're already stuck in my brain?

“Mr. Way, can you tell me why the author decided to represent the character this way?” The teacher asked. 

I blinked a couple times as I looked at her. 

“Um, it…i-it uh…” I trailed off, my cheeks flushing. 

“Um it uh um uh,” I heard Hayley mock from the back row.

My eyes watered as I looked down at my lap. The teacher didn't even say anything to Hayley as she went on to the next question for another student. 

But then I thought of Frank again and dear god he was starting to drive me insane. 

Fuck Frank. 

I was probably just thinking about him a lot because he actually stood up for me today, he's the only person who has ever stood up for me. Of course Jamia and I try to stand up for each other as best as we could but it's hard when we’re both being bullied by them. 

And then this fucking guy comes along and he just ducking changes everything. Not that I don't want him here, don't get me wrong. It's just different and i'm sure it's for the better but it also scares me a little. 

I've never been a fan of change. Ever since I was little I've hated change. After my dad and brother died there was so much change. My mother didn't talk to me much, leaving my grandma to take care of me. And when my grandma died a few years ago it broke my heart. She had become like a mother to me, since my actual mother didn't want to be part of my life anymore. And then after that I was alone, I only had Jamia. 

Change scares me, it's terrifying. Now there's a change in my friend group and he's standing up for me against Pete and them. And it's different and weird and I don't really mind either. Frank was amazing, he was really kind and funny. I really liked having Frank around, he made me feel happier and even a little safer. 

I tapped my pencil against the desk as I looked at the board in front of me. I copied down some notes before looking back down at my desk. I traced along one of the lines on the on the wood of the desk. 

I felt something hit the back of my head and I looked back to see Hayley and Kristin snickering. There was an eraser in the ground, which was what had hit me in the head. My eyes watered as I looked back ahead of me. 

“Look at him, he's such a fucking baby,” Kristin said quietly, but yet still loud enough for me to hear. 

I fought back tears as I looked down at my lap. I wrapped my arms around my myself, biting my lip as I tried my hardest not to cry. I didn't want to be a baby, I didn't want to be weak. But I was so weak, the scars on my wrist can prove that. 

I haven't cut in awhile, not since Jamia begged for me to stop. She had been sobbing and a complete mess when she had found out. She was my best friend, I loved her more than I've ever loved anything. 

“Is that new kid really hanging out with people like Jamia and Gerard?” I heard Hayley ask Kristin. 

“Frank is hot, he doesn't belong with them, he belongs in our group,” Kristin said. 

“I wouldn't mind him getting into my pants,” Hayley said. 

“Yes, I would too,” Kristin said. “Hopefully he finally realizes that he shouldn't hang around those queers all the time.”

“Maybe he'd be my date to the dance,” Hayley said. “And you know what happens after a dance, a whole lot of fucking. I bet he's good in bed.”

I shifted in my seat, frowning slightly. It made me seriously uncomfortable listening to them talk about my friend like that, it just made me think of him in bed with Hayley. But there was also that small bit of fear that maybe Frank would realize he's better than us and leave us. He is better than us. If seems almost inevitable that one day Frank is going to realize that he's better than me and Jamia and he's going to leave us, soon he's going to be one of the ones bullying us too. 

“Oh my god, do you think he'd have a threesome?” Kristin asked. “That'd be, like, so hot.”

“Maybe, he seems like he'd maybe be up for it,” Hayley said. “That'd probably be the best sex of my life.”

I scrunched my nose up at the thought. Kristin and Hayley having a threesome with Frank? I'd rather not have to ever think about that. It almost made me sick to my stomach too. Not just from disgust but also a little bit of jealousy. I don't know why, maybe because Frank is one of the first people to ever be kind for me so I just clung to him. I didn't want him leaving to have other friends. 

It sounds like I'm a clingy girlfriend or something but I've just never had many friends. I liked having Frank around, he just seemed to make everything nicer. I thought Frank believing in fate was just silly, but a small part of me was starting to think he might be right.


	4. Chapter 4

I walked into my bedroom as Jamia followed behind me. 

“Is Frank coming over?” She asked. 

“I don't know, I didn't ask,” I said. “I guess it's just habit for me to only invite you over. I'll text him later. I just kinda wanna spend some alone time with you, I feel like Frank’s always been around. 

“You don't like that?” Jamia asked as she sat on my bed. 

“No, I like it,” I said. “I just don't really like talking about everything in front of him. He doesn't know a lot of stuff about me and I kind of want it to stay that way.”

“How come?” She asked. 

“Because I don't want him to think I'm weird and just decide he doesn't like me anymore and moves on to be friends with Pete,” I said. “Even those cunts are talking about Frank and how hot he is and how he should be friends with them instead.”

“Frank seems loyal, he wouldn't leave,” Jamia said. “Besides, he believes you two are fate so he isn't going to just leave.”

“He's just an optimistic, energetic little shit,” I mumbled, sitting on the bed. 

Jamia chuckled, nodding her head in agreement. 

“But oddly enough I still miss him, even if I only saw him a couple hours ago,” I said. “Is it bad that I forgot to invite him?”

“No, he's still new to our circle so I'm not surprised you didn't invite him immediately,” Jamia said. 

“Circle?” I snorted. “It's more like just a line.”

“I don't care, I love our line,” she said. 

I smiled, laying back on the bed. 

“I like Frank,” I said. 

“Like as a friend or…” Jamia trailed off. 

“As a friend,” I stated. 

“Do you think Frank was right about you two being fate?” She asked. “He seems to really think that you two are destined to be best friends or something.”

“I don't believe in fate,” I said. 

“It would be kinda nice, though,” she said. 

“Maybe but I just, like, don't really know quite what to do,” I said. “What if I really believe that we’re fate but then he leaves me? If that fate wasn't real then what is there for me to even really hope for in life?”

“Gerard, I think you're thinking a bit too far into this,” Jamia said. “It's Frank, he's the optimistic, energetic little shit and that little shit wouldn't just leave us. He can't leave now, not even if he wanted to, I wouldn't let him.”

I smiled, holding her hand. 

“Should we invite Frank over now or are we still talking about things you don't want Frank to know about?” Jamia asked. 

“I thought about it today,” I whispered. 

Jamia wrapped her arms around me and I buried my face into the crook of her neck. 

“Don't,” she said softly. “You don't deserve the cuts on your wrist, you're perfect.”

“I'm not,” I cried. 

“You are,” she insisted. “You're my best friend in the whole world and I love you with all my heart. You've got the most gorgeous smile and prettiest hair and the best personality and you're an amazing artist and singer and--”

She was cut off when the doorbell rang suddenly. I flinched at the sound, I hadn't heard it in so long. 

“I'll get it,” Jamia said. 

She left the room and I wiped my eyes quickly as I sniffled. The door opened and I saw Jamia came in with Frank. 

“Look who came to join the party,” Jamia said. 

“We were just about to invite you over,” I said. 

Frank smiled, sitting beside me on the bed. 

“By the way, I usually keep my front door unlocked,” I said. “When my mom’s home she's usually sleeping so please don't knock or ring the doorbell, i don't want to wake her so you can just let yourself in.”

“Alright,” he said. “If I woke her up now then in sorry.”

“It's okay, she's not home,” I said. 

Frank sighed in relief, looking around. 

“Nice posters,” he said. 

“Thanks,” I said. 

Frank smiled as Jamia sat down beside him. 

“We were just talking about how you seemed to have attracted the attention of the girls at school,” Jamia said. 

“The ones who bully you? No thanks,” he said. “They may be pretty but their personality is just a huge turn off. I really like girls who are, like, genuinely nice to other people. Call me cheesy but I like nice people.”

I chuckled, pulling my knees up to my chest. 

“So you're really not gonna get with them?” I asked. “It's like a once in a lifetime opportunity.”

“I'm not like a whore or anything, I really prefer getting to know someone before I sleep with someone,” Frank said. “I mean, I love a one night stand as much as the next person but I also really like an actual emotional connection.”

“You're really sweet, Frank,” Jamia said. 

“Well, I’m certainly not trying to be an ass,” Frank said. 

“You're a smartass,” I said. 

Frank laughed, his fingers playing with the rip in his jeans. 

“That's one thing that I do try to be,” Frank said. 

I smiled, standing up. 

“I think we should listen to music,” I said. 

I went over and picked up one of my Smashing Pumpkins cds and put it into my player. 

“So, it’s finally Friday,” Jamia said. “Can I stay the night here?”

“Yeah, of course,” I said. “You can crash here too, if you want, Frank.”

“Are you sure?” He asked. “I don't want to, like, intrude on your slumber party or anything.”

I smiled, shaking my head. 

“You're always welcome here, Frank,” I said. 

Frank smiled and I couldn't help but feel my heart warm at the sight. 

“Alright, I just might take you up on that offer,” he said. 

“You've been here for two weeks and we haven't even had a single sleepover,” I said. “Jamia is over here almost twenty-four/seven.”

“We can have a third person join us, it'll be fun,” Jamia said. 

“Threesome,” I said. 

The two laughed as I sat back down on the bed. 

“I'm kidding, obviously,” I said. 

“I'm not planning on giving up my virginity in a threesome,” Jamia said. 

“You're gonna have a very romantic first time with rose petals and candles and if the guy doesn't do that then I'll beat him up for you,” I said. “You deserve to be treated like a damn queen.”

Jamia giggled and I kissed her cheek. 

“Well, first you've gotta find someone to treat me like a queen,” she said. 

“And that I will do,” I said. 

She smiled softly, squeezing my hand. 

“I've got some popcorn,” I said. “Do you two wanna go watch a movie?”

They nodded and we went out to the living room. Jamia popped in a movie and I put a bag of popcorn into the microwave. I could hear them talking and laughing from the other room. I dumped the popcorn into a big bowl when it was ready, heading back to the other room as I sat between them on the couch. 

“What'd you choose?” I asked. 

“The Nightmare Before Christmas,” Jamia said. “Frank saw it in your movie collection and apparently it’s one of his favorite movies.”

“I love Tim Burton movies,” Frank said with a small shrug. 

“Not judging, I wouldn't have the movie if I didn't like it,” I said. 

We watched movies until the sun set, eating snacks the entire time. 

“I'm gonna go grab a change of clothes,” Frank said when it started to get late. 

I nodded and he walked out and I saw him walk across our lawns back to his house. 

“A part of me is worried he won't want to come back,” I admitted. “The change of clothes was just an excuse to leave.”

“He likes you,” Jamia said. “While you were making popcorn he was talking about how cool you were. Don't worry, he isn't going to just leave.”

I nodded but was still a little nervous as we went to my bedroom. I gave her a pair of my shorts and a t-shirt to wear. I just wore a pair of loose plaid boxers and a white t-shirt. 

“Frank really likes me?” I asked. 

“Yes, he does, you two are fate, as he says,” Jamia said. 

I shrugged, sitting on my bed. 

“I just don't believe in fate, guess I'm not as convinced as him,” I said. 

I heard the front door open and Frank walked in wearing a pair of batman pajama pants and a black flag shirt. 

“My mom told me to bring this,” Frank said. 

He held out a plate of cookies and we smiled. 

“Well, we certainly won't complain,” Jamia said. 

Frank set the cookies down on the nightstand and we ate happily. 

“So, do you two usually have pillow fights or something at these sleepovers?” Frank asked. 

“No, we just sort of hang out,” I said. 

Jamia smiled and nodded, leaning back against my headboard. Frank looked over my shelf of books while I sat on my phone. 

“We should go to a concert together,” Frank suggested. 

“Yeah, that could be pretty cool,” Jamia agreed. 

I nodded in agreement, scrolling through instagram. 

“I've been to a few but not a lot, they're really fun,” Frank said. 

I looked up at him, smiling softly as I watched him read the back of a book. 

“You can borrow them if you want,” I said. 

“Really? Thanks,” Frank said. “You've got a pretty big collection.”

“Yeah, a lot of them were my dad’s,” I said. “The others I've just collected over the years.”

Frank nodded, sitting beside me on the bed. The three of us were pretty quiet for the next hour, sitting on our phones and reading books. 

“I'm tired,” I said. “It's late.”

The others nodded in agreement and the three of us curled up in my bed. I smiled, feeling the warmth of their bodies on either side of me as I fell asleep.


	5. Chapter 5

I met Frank outside his house and smiled when I saw he had a chocolate bar. We split it in half and walked towards the school. 

“Let's skip,” he said. 

“Really?” I asked. 

Frank smiled and nodded, walking with me past the school to a park. We sat on the swings and I swung slowly back and forth. The two of us ate quietly, listening to birds chirp. 

“I feel bad for leaving Jamia,” Frank said. 

“Oh, she's sick, it worked out perfectly,” I said. 

Frank smiled softly, looking around. 

“So, let's play twenty questions,” he said. 

“Why?” I asked as I ate my chocolate. 

“I don't know, to fill up this empty silence,” he said. 

“I like silence,” I said. 

“Well, I am going to lose my mind so twenty questions,” Frank said. “Um, have you ever had a pet?”

“I used to have a lizard,” I said. “Um…how many times have you moved?”

“Four times,” he said. “Have you ever been to a concert?”

“Yeah, I went to one with Jamia one time,” I answered. “Do you actually like it here?”

“Yeah, this place is pretty great,” he replied. “How long have you lived here?”

“All my life,” I said. “Um…shit, I don't know, we’re running out of questions.”

Frank sighed, looking down. I couldn't believe how awkward it had come between us in just a few seconds as I chewed on my chocolate. Frank had finished his long ago and was currently playing with the frayed edges of his skeleton gloves. 

I finished my candy, stuffing the wrapper into my pocket. It was quiet between us as we both just focused on other things. It wasn't a peaceful silence either, just an awkward one.

We looked up at each other and I bit my lip, looking away. Frank chuckled softly, the chain of his swing clinking gently. 

“Tell you one thing I miss,” Frank said, “In my old town we had the best fucking ice cream shop ever. It was owned by this old lady and all the ice cream was homemade.”

“One time I made homemade ice cream in my chemistry class and it was amazing,” I said. 

“Let's make some,” Frank said. “My mom leaves for work in ten minutes and we can head back to my place then.”

I nodded, swinging back and forth. We talked quietly until finally heading back to Frank’s house. 

“Alright, how do we make ice cream?” Frank asked. 

“Look it up I guess,” I said. 

Frank grabbed his laptop and searched something up. 

“You want the recipe for pineapple mint ice cream?” Frank asked. 

I scrunched my nose up, shaking my head quickly. 

“Well, we probably only have the stuff for vanilla anyways,” he said. “Oh my god, it takes an hour? I thought it would only take about twenty minutes.”

Frank grabbed the ingredients, laying them out on the counter. It was going great until Frank dumped the cream into the container, making it splatter up onto us. I gasped as Frank giggled. 

“Oops,” he mumbled. 

I scooped up some of the spilled cream on the counter, pushing it into his face. 

“Hey!” Frank exclaimed. 

He scooped some out and I gasped, going to hurry away from him. Frank chase me around the island until I felt a cold splatter on the back of my neck. I shrieked and turned back to face him. Frank smirked at me, crossing his arms. I wiped the cream off and threw it at him, giggling quietly. 

Frank reached for me, grabbing my arm. I went to step backwards but tripped over my own foot, falling backwards as I pulled Frank with me. I landed on the ground and looked up with wide eyes as Frank landed on top of me. 

This isn't real. 

I must be dreaming. 

This kind of shit only happens in the movies. 

But yet here we were, him laying between my legs on the floor, the two of us surprised and covered in cream. But yet, Frank didn't move. In fact, he only moved closer. My heart was racing as his head tilted slightly, both our eyes shutting. His lips brushed against mine gently and it was like my brain just went completely numb with feelings. 

I could taste the cream on his lips, it was so sweet. Our lips seemed to move in sync together as I tangled my hands in his hair. He held my hips gently, both with need yet affection. There were sparks between us as we kissed, I thought my heart might actually burst out of my chest. For a moment I actually believed Frank, maybe fate is real. 

I pushed Frank off me, standing up quickly. I grabbed my phone and my backpack, running a hand through my sticky hair. 

“I-I need to go,” I said. 

“I'm sorry, Gee,” Frank said, following me to the door. “I shouldn't have kissed you, I'm so sorry. Please don't go.”

I shook my head, walking out the door. 

“Gee!” Frank called and I heard him hurrying after me. “Please, let’s just talk, don't leave.”

Frank grabbed my arm but I turned and pushed him to the ground. He looked up at me, looking both surprised and worried. 

“Don't talk to me ever again,” I said. 

I ran back to my house, sobbing as I shut the door. I don't know why I pushed him away. I loved the feelings of his lips on mine, I loved how safe I felt in his arms. 

But there was that small voice inside my head that told me no. Frank was my friend and I didn't want to lose him. He would hate me if he dated me, I would do something wrong, I just know it. 

But I don't even get him as a friend anymore. I told him to never talk to me again. Why would I say that?

I sobbed, falling down onto the bathroom floor. Frank’s been here barely a month and he already had this much of an impact on me. I couldn't lose him but I already fucked it up. Frank doesn't want me anymore. 

I dug through the cabinet and found my small, shiny metal razor. My hands were shaking because I was crying so hard. 

I dragged the metal across my wrist, biting my lip from the pain. I let out a small sob as I watched the blood drip down my arm. I cut twice more before my phone rang. I wouldn't have answered it if it wasn't Jamia, she cares about me so much. 

“Gee? What's going on?” She asked. 

I sniffled, looking down at my wrist. How does she know?

“Frank called to tell me that you two kissed and then you flipped out suddenly, what's wrong?” She asked. 

“I-I cut,” I whispered. 

I heard rustling on the other end before the call disconnected. I hugged my knees to my chest as I sobbed heavily. I heard the front door open and Jamia ran in. 

She was still in her pajamas, her hair a mess. She looked pale and her nose was a bit red, she was definitely still feeling pretty sick.

“What are you covered in?” She asked, kneeling beside me. 

“C-cream,” I whimpered.

Jamia turned on the shower and helped me get undressed. She cleaned and dried me off, bandaging up my wrist. She kissed my temple gently and I sniffled. 

“You're okay,” she whispered. “I've got you, Gee.”

Jamia got me some soft sweatpants and a big hoodie and the two of us curled up in my bed together. 

“Why?” She asked. “It seemed like you were really starting to like Frank.”

“I don't know,” I cried. “I just got so scared. I-I like him, I don't want him to break my heart.”

“He wouldn't do that,” she said, holding me in her arms. 

I sobbed, burying my face into the crook of her neck. 

“I don't know why I did it,” I sobbed. 

“Let’s call him over,” Jamia said. 

I shook my head, hugging her tighter. 

Oh god, I don't think I would ever be able to even look him in the eye again. We kissed and it was probably one of the best kisses in my life. And then I stopped it and pushed him to the ground. Why would I do that? Why am I always just so fucking stupid?

“Stupid, fucking stupid,” I muttered. “I hate myself, why do I always ruin everything? Why can't I just let myself be happy?”

“You're not stupid,” she denies. “You're perfect, you're so perfect. You're just guarded is all and that's perfectly understandable, you don't want a repeat of freshman year.”

Freshman year was awful. There was a guy at school who asked me to the prom. He was a senior and the little freshman me was so excited that someone like him could possibly have an interest in me so of course I said yes. 

But that left me standing outside my house all dressed up in my suit. He was supposed to pick me up, he was supposed to pick me up. He never came, though. Instead, his friends drove by and shot me with water guns full of piss and fake blood, filming and posting the whole thing. 

After that I never let anyone get close to me like that again. I didn't want my heart broken, I was so humiliated I didn't return to school again for two weeks. It surprised me when I let Frank in so quickly, like he meant something to me in just a month. Maybe Frank was right, maybe fate is real.

“You're perfect, Gee,” Jamia whispered. “And I love you more than anything else in the world. Every single inch of you is perfect. I love you, Gee, and Frank cares about you too. Maybe you can just let him in, he won't break your heart. And even if he tries to break your heart then I'll punch him in the face.”

I let out a sound that was a mix of a sob and a laugh. Jamia held me in her arms until I calmed down, falling asleep slowly.


	6. Chapter 6

I walked outside and saw a chocolate bar sitting on top of my mailbox. Frank was walking to school and I sighed quietly as I picked up the candy bar that had been left there by frank. 

I followed a few yards behind Frank, putting in my earbuds. Fifteen minutes I walked, just staring at the back of Frank’s head as I tried my hardest not to cry. I pulled my sleeves down farther as we got near the school. 

Frank looked back at me, giving me a small, sad smile before he walked inside. I followed behind, making sure to keep my distance. I went to my locker and found Jamia waiting for me. 

“Hi,” I said softly.

She smiled, kissing my cheek. 

“How are you doing today?” She asked. 

I shrugged, opening my locker. 

“I love you, Gee,” she said, intertwining our fingers. 

“I love you too, Mia,” I said. 

I kissed her cheek and she smiled. 

“You're the best,” she said. 

I gave her the last bit of my chocolate that I had gotten from Frank.

“I love you so much,” I said. “Thank you for everything.”

I grave her a tight hug and she buried her face into my chest. She sniffled quietly and I ran my fingers through her hair. 

“Please don't cry,” I whispered. “If you cry then I'll start crying.”

“I'll always be here for you, Gee,” Jamia mumbled. 

I nodded, kissing the top of her head. We pulled apart as the hallway started to fill up. I held her hand and she pulled my arm up, giving my wrist a soft clean. 

“One day clean,” she whispered. “You can start over. But you're a day now, the hardest part.”

“One day,” I mumbled. 

I used to be four months clean, I ruined all that like I ruin everything else. 

“Soon you'll be saying two million days clean,” she said. 

I smiled softly, kissing her cheek. 

“I'll see you at lunch,” she said. 

I smiled and nodded, giving her hand a small squeeze before we walked our separate ways. Thankfully it seemed that flu bug was going around because Pete and Lindsey were both out sick, they were the worst of them all. 

The day was mostly peaceful, other than the moments when I had to just avoid Frank. We even sat next to each other in fourth hour but we just ignored each other the whole time. I could tell Frank wanted to talk to me, he hated silences and loved talking. 

Lunch was finally here and I hurried to mine and Jamia's usual table. I sighed in relief as I sat down, pulling out my lunch. 

“You're still not talking to Frank?” She asked. 

“No, I don't want to see him anymore,” I said. 

“I saw him head into the library before lunch,” Jamia said. “He's all alone, we were his only friends.”

“I'm sure he’ll be able to make new friends pretty easily,” I mumbled. “He doesn't need me dragging him down.”

“You don't drag him down,” she said. “He likes you, he kissed you.”

“He wasn't thinking right,” I said. “He wasn't thinking about how awful I am.”

“Gee,” she said softly. “You're not awful. You're the most amazing person I've ever met.”

I shrugged, taking a small, sad bite of my lunch. 

“I can text frank and tell him to come here,” she said. 

“I can't even look at him anymore,” I mumbled. 

“But you like him?” She asked. 

I shrugged. “When we kissed it was probably the best kiss I've ever had. I felt like I was floating, I think the world actually stopped spinning for a moment. There was sparks between us, it was perfect. Until I ruined it, that is.”

“Maybe Frank was right about fate,” she said. 

“Fate isn't real,” I mumbled. 

“Just because you don't believe in it doesn't mean it's not real,” she said 

“Why would he kiss me?” I asked. “Does he even like me?”

“I don't know, I think he does,” Jamia said. 

“He's just gonna break my heart,” I said. “It's better to block him out before it happens.”

“But then you don't get the love,” she said softly. “You don't get to experience the happiness of being with someone. There may be heartbreak and pain but the love within that makes it all worth it, Gee. All the moments of laughter and joy and passion is worth being hurt. You can't be so scared of getting hurt or else you'll never be able to love.”

“I love you, though,” I whispered, my eyes watering. 

“I don't count, someone to love for the rest of your life and grow old with and start a family with,” she said. 

“Nobody wants any of that with me,” I said. 

“Gee, pushing Frank away won't help protect your heart, you're only gonna hurt yourself,” she said. 

I shook my head, sniffling quietly. 

“I-I don't wanna be hurt again, Mia,” I whimpered. 

“You might be hurt but you can't avoid that, Gee,” she said. “I know you're hurting right now, you miss Frank.”

“No I don't,” I lied “I don't need Frank, he's only gonna break my heart.”

She kissed my cheek gently, rubbing my back. 

“You're never gonna fall in love with anyone then?” She asked. 

I just shrugged, not knowing what else to say. I wanted love but I didn't want the pain and the pain always comes.

“Anyways, do you wanna go to the park or something?” She asked, thankfully changing the subject. 

“No, I just wanna stay home and just be alone for a little while,” I said. 

“Well, call me if you need anything at all, even if you just wanna talk,” Jamia said, reaching over to hold my hand. 

“Thank you, Mia, you're the best,” I said. 

I leaned over, kissing her cheek gently. The bell for lunch rang and I sighed unhappily. 

“Look on the bright side, today’s relatively peaceful since the wicked witch of the west and her boy toy aren't here,” she said. 

Jamia gave me a hug before she went to class. The day ended and I walked home. I could hear Frank walking a few feet behind bed. I could practically feel him staring at me, he was practically shooting lasers into the back of my head. 

I just turned up my music and kept walking. I was about to walk into my house when I heard a shout. I almost ignored him, I really wanted to. But instead I took out my earbuds and looked at Frank.

“You wanna come over for a pizza and a movie?” He called. “I promise I won't kiss you this time.”

I knew he was trying to make a joke to ease the tension. A typical thing for Frank to do. 

But it only made me feel worse. I went inside quietly, shutting the door behind me. I peeked out the window and watched as Frank stared at my house sadly before leaving.

I noticed my mom’s door closed and I sighed. My mom was home, unfortunately. I went straight to my bedroom, locking my door before laying down on my bed. I let out a long, quiet sign. 

I kicked off my socks and shoes. I yawned as I curled up in a little ball, closing my eyes. School was just so exhausting, everything Jamia was talking to me about really didn't help. 

I yawned, relaxing in the bed. I was just starting to fall asleep when my bedroom door opened. I looked at my mom, who seemed almost lost. 

“Hi,” I said quietly. 

She frowned before leaving, shouting the door. God, she was so high. Thankfully she wasn't angry and hitting me or anything, she was just spaced out and dazed.

I looked out my bedroom window and noticed for the first time that my room was right across from Frank's. I looked in curiously as he sat at his desk, doing homework. He had headphones on and looked to be concentrating really hard. 

Frank looked beautiful while he was working. He stopped soon, closing his textbook. I watched him pick up one of his guitars and a notebook as he sat on the edge of the bed. 

He would play a few chords before writing something down in the notebook. I smiled softly, watching in fascination. He started singing too, I couldn't hear it but even just watching him was beautiful. His eyes were shut gently as he sang, slowly strumming on his guitar. 

I bit my lip as I watched, straining my ears to try and hear even though I knew it would be nearly impossible. I thought about my kiss with Frank. Oh, it was so messy, literally. We were both on the ground covered in cream after a baking catastrophe. 

But yet it had still been so perfect, every single second of it. His lips were like magic dancing across my own, making electricity shoot through my whole body in the most romantic and sensual way possible. It was slow and soft and intimate, it had been the best damn kiss I've ever had. 

Frank looked up, noticing me watching him. He gave me a small wave and I frowned, flipping him off. I saw him laugh and that only made me scowl more. I shut my curtain and laid back down. 

Stupid fucking Frank Iero with his stupid beautiful fucking smile.

What a fucking asshole. Does he think he can just smile at me or something?

He's going to break my heart and I just know it. I couldn't let him do that. Because he's just got this stupidly fucking beautiful face that can make anyone swoon and I didn't want to just fall head over heels again because he said some sweet things and stood up for me a few times.

Maybe Jamia was right, how was I ever gonna fall in love and get married start a family when I don't let anyone in? But I think I'd be better off never loving them being broken.


	7. Chapter 7

I walked outside, finding the chocolate bar on my mailbox. Frank's been doing that for two weeks ever since we stopped talking.

I watched him as he walked in front of me. I found Jamia inside the school, handing her some of my chocolate. 

“I think we should do something tonight,” Jamia said. “It's finally Friday, let’s go out.”

“I'm sorry, Mia, I'm just not really feeling it tonight,” I said. 

“That's okay, maybe next week,” she said. 

Lindsey pushed Jamia and I frowned. 

“Lay off the chocolate, fat ass,” she said before snickering and walking off. 

Jamia looked down at the chocolate, sniffling as she tossed it into the trash can. 

“Hey! Don't you fucking talk to her like that!” Frank shouted at Lindsey. “She's beautiful and perfect and you can't say shit! Just fucking lay off her already!”

Lindsey just laughed and walked off. I frowned as Frank came over and Jamia gave him a hug. 

“You didn't have to,” Jamia said quietly. 

“Of course I did,” he said. 

He gave me a soft smile but I just looked down. I couldn't fall for him.

“I'll see you later, Mia,” Frank said before walking off. 

Jamia held my hand and she kissed my cheek. 

“Go to him, Gee,” she whispered. 

“I can't,” I denied. “I don't wanna get hurt.”

“I know you may be scared but sometimes that's just the biggest part,” she said. “You need to be scared but even if you're scared it doesn't matter. Because all that means is that you're a real person with real human emotions and you're capable of loving, there's nothing to be scared of. To love someone you have to be willing to completely give your heart away and I know it's scary but all the trust and love and the connection makes it worth it.”

She walked me to my class as I kept my head down. The day seemed to drag on and I was so happy to finally be able to go home and relax for the weekend. 

I laid on my bed for a while, just staring at the ceiling as I tried to sleep. But I couldn't sleep, I was just so distracted. 

I just kept thinking about everything Jamia's been saying to me. Oh god, I didn't want to get my heart broken. I was so scared, I'm always so scared. But maybe Jamia was right, maybe I had to just tough it up through my fear just to get to the happiness. 

I took a deep breath, walking downstairs. I headed to Frank's house, standing on the doorstep. My hands were shaking as I rang the doorbell. The door opened and I saw Frank’s mom standing there. 

“H-hi, Ms. Iero, is Frank home?” I asked. 

“I'm sorry, he just left for the movies about half an hour ago with Jamia,” she said. 

“L-like on a date?” I whimpered. 

I finally got the courage and I was already feeling heartbroken. 

“It was a date?” She asked. “Oh, I should've gotten pictures!”

My eyes watered as I looked down. 

“I'll tell Frank you stopped by, he shouldn't be gone too long,” Ms. Iero said. 

“Please don't,” I said and she looked at me in confusion. “I-I was just trying to plan a little surprise for his birthday so I would just rather not have him know I was here.”

“Alright, sounds fun,” she said. “It's nice seeing you, you haven't been around for a while.”

“I-I’ve just been busy with school,” I lied. “I should get going now.”

I gave her a small wave before I hurried back home. I shut my bedroom door as I let out a small cry. Jamia was going out with Frank? She knew how I felt about him. Maybe I just lost my chance, I guess I don't get to even feel upset, this is all my fault.

I hugged my pillow as I sobbed. I lost Frank. I had push him away to protect my heart but I only broke my own heart in the process. 

I laid there for what felt like hours until I heard a car pull up in front of Frank’s house. I peeked out through the curtains and saw Frank and Jamia walk into his house. Frank’s bedroom light turned on and I saw his arm wrapped around her waist as he went over to shut the curtain. 

Why was Frank’s arm around Jamia’s waist like that? What would they be doing that they'd need to shut the curtain? 

I picked at the scabs forming on my wrist, hissing in pain as the blood bubbled to the surface and ran down my pale arm. 

Maybe if I just cut a little deeper then I won't have any pain anymore. 

I was about to go to the bathroom when I heard the front door open. I peeked out, watching my mom lead some dirty, greasy looking man to her bedroom. 

Oh god, I didn't want to leave my bedroom now but my razors were in the bathroom. I sobbed, sitting down with my back against the door. I picked at my scabs, my whole body shaking as I cried. 

I lost Frank when I was finally going to get him. It's all my fault that I'm heartbroken. There's no one to blame this time but me. I was just a stupid fuck who didn't want to give my heart away. I was scared and all that fear built up inside of me and just bit me in the fucking ass. 

Two hours later my front door opened again. I expected it to be the man leaving but I was shocked when someone tried opening the door, only to have it bump into me. 

“Gee?” Jamia asked with a small chuckle. “What are you doing in front of the door?”

“Go away,” I grumbled.

“Gee, what happened? What's wrong?” She asked. “Please let me in.”

“Get out of my fucking house,” I said. 

“Gee--”

“Get out!” I shouted. 

It was silent for a moment. Jamia seemed to wait an entire minute before I finally heard the floorboards creak gently beneath her as she walked out. I sobbed, hearing the front door open and close again. 

My body froze with horror when I heard my mom’s bedroom door open then and footsteps come near my room. I went to lock the door but it opened before I could, knocking me backwards.

My mom slapped me, completely ignoring the blood on my wrists. She didn't care, she never has. 

“What gives you the right to start screaming in my fucking house?!” She yelled. “Do you pay the fucking bills?! Do you have a fucking job?! No! So shut your fucking mouth!”

She hit me once more before leaving, slamming the door so hard I flinched. I laid there, curling into a little ball as I sobbed. 

I finally picked myself up and managed to conquer the journey to the bathroom. I stumbled into the bright white room, locking the door behind me. I grabbed my razor, a bit of relief flowing through my body. 

Just a little deeper and it'll all be over. 

I pressed the razor against my skin vertically, feeling the sharp edge bite gently. I was just about to cut when my phone rang. I was about to ignore it until I saw it was Frank and I felt my heart skip a beat. 

“H-hello?” I answered shakily. 

“I’m home alone with a big bowl of popcorn and a metric ton of candy,” Frank said. “I could really use the company.”

“I’m busy,” I said. 

“Are you sure?” He asked. “Because I rented a shit ton of Tim Burton movies.”

“Frank--”

“And I even got one of those heating blankets,” he added. “Plus a big, comfy couch that's calling our names.”

“I'm busy and--”

“And there's dogs here,” Frank interrupted yet again. “And come on, who can deny dogs?”

“I--”

“And I also got a shit load of pop,” Frank continued. “Come on, it'll be fun. I’m lonely and I would really appreciate you coming over to hang out with me.”

I bit my lip gently as I set my razor down. Something about that made my heart clench. He just sounded so gentle and kind, like he needed me just as much as I needed him.

“I can be over in twenty minutes,” I mumbled. 

“Great!” Frank cheered. “I'll see you then, I can't wait.”

I hung up and cleaned myself up. I bandaged up my wrist before going to my bedroom to change. I put on some sweatpants and a hoodie before I left for Frank’s. It was a relief in itself just to be able to leave the house. 

Frank opened the door for me and he smiled. We sat on the couch where there was indeed snacks and drinks covering the coffee table and a big, soft heating blanket on the couch. 

“I'm so glad you agreed to come over,” Frank said, giving me a tight hug. 

I smiled softly, trying my best to not think about him and Jamia together. 

“So, I thought we can start with Beetlejuice then go to the Corpse Bride,” he said. 

“Is it just in alphabetical order?” I asked. 

“Maybe,” he said with a small smile. 

We sat on the couch as Frank started the movie and we snuggled up underneath the warm blanket.

“I've missed you,” Frank said halfway through Frankenweenie. “You mean a lot to me and I still believe that what we have really is fate, whether it be romantic or platonic, I don't care. I just want to be able to see your smile and hear your beautiful laugh.”

I blushed softly, feeling my heart skip a beat in my chest. He leaned closer and I felt my sleeve pull up. I went to pull it back into its place when Frank grabbed my hand. 

“Gee?” Frank asked softly, looking at the bandages on my wrist, a couple spots lightly tinted pink. “You're perfect, you know that?”

Frank looked up at me, his eyes watering. I couldn't stop the tears that rolled down my cheeks as Frank held me close, rocking me gently.


	8. Chapter 8

I was watching tv when my phone went off. 

_Frank: come outside_

I frowned in confusion.

_Gerard: Why?_

_Frank: Because I fucking told you to that's why_

I sighed, turning off the tv. I walked outside and froze when I saw Frank. He had a big sign that said ‘I know this is silly and cheesy but will you go to homecoming with me?’

“F-Frank?” I asked nervously. 

He smiled, holding out a bouquet of roses.

“Will you go to the homecoming dance with me?” He asked. 

“L-like as a…a date?” I asked. 

“Yes, a date,” Frank said. “It'll be our first date.”

I frowned in confusion as I took the roses from him. 

“Y-you're not going with Jamia?” I asked. 

“Why would I go with her?” Frank asked. 

“Because you two went out on a date the other day and afterwards you were alone in your bedroom with her and your arm was around her waist and you shut the curtain and--”

“We went to the movies as friends,” Frank interrupted. “And she got annoyed because I had been talking about you the whole time. She helped me come up with how to ask you to the dance which is why we shut the curtains, I didn't want you seeing. And my arm was around her waist because she had twisted her ankle so I was just helping her walk.”

“Oh,” I mumbled. 

“I know that what we have is complicated and everything but the dance is coming up and I just really want to go with you,” Frank said. “You make me so happy, Gee, I love seeing your face everyday, even if you're pushing me, both literally and metaphorically. And I've known you for just over a month but it feels a lot longer. We’re fate, Gee.”

How do I tell him no?

“Frank…” I trailed off. 

“I know you're scared, Gee, but you don't have to be,” he said. “I wouldn't hurt you, I would rather die than ever hurt you. And I’ll be here whenever you need me. I'll be here when you're sad and scared. All I'm asking is for you to give your heart to me, even if it's just a little piece of it. And I promise I'll care for it like it was made of glass.”

My heart was racing in my chest as I nodded. Frank smiled, holding my hand. He caressed my cheek gently as he leaned close but never kissed me. It took me a moment to realize he was waiting for me to make the first move, he didn't want to force me into anything. 

I leaned forward, closing the distance between us. This kiss was just as perfect as the first. I actually thought my heart had burst out of my chest and fallen on the floor. It was just beating on the ground between us for Frank to either cherish or crush. 

One of his hands held my hip as the other tangled into my hair. I pulled him closer, the kiss between us deepening. He pulled away slowly, his forehead resting against mine. 

“You don't know how happy I am right now,” Frank said with a small chuckle.

I was happy but I was also just so terrified.

“So, are we official now?” Frank asked hopefully. “Do I finally get to tell everyone you're my boyfriend?”

“E-everyone?” I whimpered. “Can we just, like, you know…keep it on the down low? I don't want the kids at school terrorizing me even more.”

“Yeah, of course,” he said. “We will only tell whoever you're comfortable telling.”

“Thank you,” I whispered. 

Frank smiled, giving me a soft kiss. 

“By the way, Jamia’s totally spying on us,” he said. 

I looked to Frank’s bedroom window and saw Jamia watching us. I chuckled, giving her a small wave as she gave me a thumbs up. 

“Y-you really wanna go to the dance with me?” I asked nervously. 

“Of course,” he said. “And we’ll go shopping for tux’ together and I’ll buy you pretty flowers and we’ll dance all night long.”

I smiled softly and nodded. 

“I can't wait,” he said. 

“It's in a few days, that doesn't give us a lot of time,” I said. 

“I know, which is why I thought we could get our tux’ now,” Frank said. “And Jamia wanted to tag along to help us pick out our tux’.”

“Okay,” I agreed. 

Frank waved for Jamia to come down and he smiled. 

“Plus neither of us have cars so we need a ride,” he added. 

“I don't even have a driver's license,” I said. “Not even a permit.”

“Why?” Frank asked. “You're a senior in high school.”

“You need parents permission and my mom has never given a shit about me,” I said. 

“Well, I can give enough shits for the both of us,” Frank said. 

I giggled as Jamia came down. We drove to a store that I had never been to before and immediately felt out of place. 

“Hey, don't worry,” Frank whispered. 

He went to hold my hand but I pulled my hand away. 

“I-I’m sorry, I just--”

“It's okay,” Frank interrupted with a small chuckle. “We don't have to have any PDA if you don't want.”

“Thank you, Frankie,” I said. 

He smiled, walking to where Jamia was. 

“So, what kind of suits do you want?” She asked. 

“One that fits,” Frank said. 

I giggled, looking at the array of suits. 

“I just want a black one,” I said, scrunching my nose up at the light blue suit with the light blue ruffled shirt. 

“Dare you twenty bucks to wear that,” Frank said. 

“Fifty and I'll make it a deal,” I said. 

Frank was quiet for a moment. “I would totally take you up on that if you weren't my date. I mean, you would look beautiful in it but it just doesn't bring out the color in my eyes.”

I smiled, shaking my head lightly. 

“I'll just get black too,” he said. 

“Boring,” Jamia teased. 

“Are you going to the dance?” I asked. 

“No, I’m just gonna watch Netflix,” she said. 

“Are you sure?” Frank asked. “We can all go together as a group.”

“No, no, you two are going together as dates,” she said. “Trust me, I would rather be home.”

“Alright, but you're always welcome to join us,” I said. 

Jamia smiled, nodding her head. 

“Come on, let’s get your suits then go out for ice cream or something,” Jamia said. 

We got some cheap suits and white button ups. Frank picked out a red tie for himself and I got a blank and white one. 

We headed down the street to an ice cream shop and we ordered ice cream. The three of us sat on the bench outside as we ate. Jamia left to use the bathroom inside the building, leaving the two of us alone. 

“This dance is gonna be really fun,” Frank said. “I'm so glad I get to go with you. I've been to a couple before but this is probably going to be the best hoco dance because I get to go with the most beautiful boy in the whole world.”

I blushed softly, shaking my head. 

“It's true, you are the most beautiful person I've ever seen,” he said. “When I first saw you you took my breath away. You're just so…stunning. I really like you, Gee, I like you a lot. You're just so sweet and creative and perfect.”

“I-I…” I trailed off. “I wanna say something nice back but I'm not so good with words and stuff. You just make me feel all nice inside and…stuff.”

Frank smiled, his fingers brushing against mine where it sat between us on the bench. I felt my heart flutter as I blushed. 

“I really wanna go home so that way I can kiss you,” Frank whispered. 

The door to the shop opened and Jamia walked out. 

“I think it's time we head back,” I said. 

Frank nodded in agreement and Jamia drove us home, dropping us off at Frank’s house. 

“Can I leave my suit here?” I asked. “I don't want it to get ruined at my house or anything.”

“Yeah, of course,” Frank said. “So, who do you want to tell that we’re dating?”

“Jamia,” I said. “Only Jamia. O-or maybe your mom. Sh-she's not homophobic, right? She's always been so nice.”

“No, she isn't homophobic, we can tell her,” he said. 

I nodded, playing with the sleeve of my hoodie. 

“Are you gay?” I asked. 

“No, I just…I just like people, doesn't matter to me who they are,” Frank said. 

I smiled softly and Frank stepped forward. His lips gently pressed against mine as he pulled me close. I tangled my hands into his hair, feeling the sparks ignite within my body. 

Frank pushed me up against the wall gently and I let out a small breath. The kiss between us deepened as I pulled on his hair gently. He sucked on my neck, his hands running up under my shirt. I let out a whimper as I pulled his hips against mine. 

“Fuck, m-maybe we should slow down a bit,” he mumbled. 

I nodded but was a little disappointed. 

“I want to sleep with you, honestly,” he said. “I can't keep my hands off you. I just want our first time to be all romantic and special.”

“You always make everything so cheesy,” I said. 

“Well it’s fate,” he said. “And fate should be cheesy and special which means you get chocolates and cheesy hoco signs and romantic first times with rose petals and candles and soft music.”

“Do you think you and any else have been fate?” I asked. 

“No, only you,” he said. “You're just so special. We’re fate and I know it, I've never felt this way about anyone before and you're just so perfect and I only want the best for you, I want to make us perfect because I know we’re perfect for each other.”

I smiled, giving him a soft kiss. 

“I-I've never had anyone treat me this way before,” I said. 

“Well, they should,” Frank said. “And I am going to treat you with roses and chocolates everyday because that's just what people who are fate. We’re fate, Gee, I know it, we’re gonna be together forever.”


	9. Chapter 9

“Frank, scoot closer,” Ms. Iero said. “What are you doing? Frank!”

“Mom, this is embarrassing,” Frank complained. 

“Just let me get photos,” she said. 

Frank grumbled unhappily. He held my hips as his mom took photos. 

“Gerard, does your mom want photos too?” Ms. Iero asked. 

I shook my head sadly and Frank kissed my cheek. 

“We should really get going now, you've taken at least fifty photos now,” Frank said. 

“Okay, well, you two have fun,” she said. “And I'm going to your grandpa’s tonight so I'll be back tomorrow afternoon. You two can come back here, I don't know if homecoming night is like prom night but make sure you use protection and--”

“Oh my god! Mom!” Frank exclaimed in disgust. “Okay, we’re leaving now.”

Frank pulled me out as I giggled. Jamia let us borrow her car and we got in, driving the short distance to the school. 

“Are you okay?” Frank asked as we parked. 

“Yeah, I'm just…just nervous,” I said. “I've never been to one of these things before.”

“It'll be fun,” he promised. “We’ll just dance together all night long.”

I nodded, taking a deep breath before getting out of the car. We went to the door and stood in the small line. You could hear the music blasting and decorations littered the outside of the building. 

“Tickets?” The teacher asked. 

Frank handed her the tickets, he had a huge grin on his face. 

“Y-you two are coming as a couple?” The teacher asked. “I'm sorry but boys can only be accompanied by girls.”

“Are you shitting me?” Frank asked. “We paid for these tickets and everything and you're not gonna let us in?”

I shrunk into myself in fear. Oh god, it's going wrong. Everything always goes wrong.

“You can have a refund,” she said, taking some money from the cash box in front of her.

“Money? This is our fucking homecoming dance, our last homecoming dance at that,” Frank said. “You can't just--”

“Frank, please,” I whimpered, tugging his arm. 

He sighed, taking the money. We got back to the car and I sniffled. 

“Oh no, baby, please don't cry,” he said. 

My eyes watered as I turned away from him. 

“She's just a stupid fucker,” Frank said. 

“I can't believe I got my hopes up,” I mumbled. 

“It's okay to have hope,” Frank said. “Hope is what drives people in life.”

“I have no hope,” I mumbled. “And now she knows we’re together!”

“I'm sorry,” Frank said quietly. 

He held my hand as we drove home. I started towards my house but the grabbed my arm. 

“The night’s not over yet,” he said. 

“What's the point, Frank?” I asked. “It's already been ruined. I just want to go home and cry and then sleep.”

“Well, you can do that or you can come with me to join me in plan B,” he said. 

I bit my lip before following him to his house. 

“Alright, just sit here and wait, I'll be, like, only five minutes, I promise,” Frank said before hurrying upstairs. 

I sat on the couch, looking around as I wiped my eyes. I took a deep breath, trying my best to stop crying. I don't know why I was crying so much, it's just that I really thought maybe this night would be perfect and then after this perfect night I wouldn't be sad anymore, I'd be happy.

But I knew that wasn't how it works. 

One night of happiness doesn't just erase years of depression and abuse, it doesn't make my life any better. And an optimistic, energetic boy isn't going to just make me happy either. It would take years if I could even get better at all. I don't think I can get better, it never gets better. 

“Done!” Frank said happily. 

He held my head and brought me upstairs to his bedroom. I opened the door and gasped softly. The ground was covered in rose petals and the lights were dimmed. Candles filled the room, giving the room the most perfect glow. Soothing music was playing softly over Frank’s speaker, which was hooked up to his laptop. 

“Y-you did this all for me?” I asked. 

“Of course,” he said. 

I stepped in and he shut the door. I smiled softly as I took it all in. 

“I like to call this ‘Gay Hoco’,” Frank said. 

I snorted softly and we both kicked off our shoes and socks. 

“May I have this dance?” Frank asked. 

He held out his hand, bowing slightly. 

“You're a dork, you know that?” I asked. 

“Yeah, well you're just gonna have to deal with me because I'm sticking around forever,” he said, looking up at me. “So, are you just gonna leave a dork hanging?”

I smiled, taking his hand in mine. Frank held my hip with one hand, the other holding my hand in the air up near our shoulders. I put my free hand on his shoulder and smiled softly. 

“I've never really danced like this before,” I admitted. 

“It's not too hard, just follow my lead,” he said. 

I swayed softly, looking down between us to make sure I wasn't stepping on his feet or anything. 

“Hey, relax,” Frank whispered, pulling me closer. 

I looked at him, smiling softly. 

“I'm sorry, I’m just not used to this and I'm a little nervous,” I said. “Actually, I'm a lotta nervous.”

“You don't have to be nervous,” he said with a small chuckle. “This is our very own homecoming. You can even do the disco if you want and no one will be here to judge you.”

I giggled, shaking my head lightly. 

“I'm sorry I was, like, just such a dick to you for, like, a whole month,” I said quietly. “I was just so scared to actually fall for you that I thought it'd be better to just push you away before I could get my heart shattered.”

“I would never do that to you, Gee,” he said. “We’re fate, we’re going to be together forever.”

“How do you know that?” I asked. 

“I just do, don't even question me,” he said. 

Frank tickled my side and I giggled, jumping lightly. 

“Gonna question me?” He asked, tickling me more. 

“No!” I exclaimed. “We’re fate! We’re fate!”

Frank stopped, smiling softly. 

“Come here, baby,” he whispered. 

He wrapped his arms around my waist and I wrapped my own around his shoulders. I rested my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes, the two of us swaying together gently. I wish I could live in this moment forever, it was perfect. 

Frank lifted my chin up gently and I felt his soft lips press against mine. I kissed him back, holding him a little closer to me. It was soft and sweet and I loved every second of us. I especially loved it when one of his hands slid down, squeezing my ass gently. 

“You planning on getting somewhere tonight?” I asked with a small smirk. 

“We don't have to do anything, we haven't been dating for very long,” he said. 

“I want to, I feel like we've known each other for years,” I said. 

“That's because we’re fate,” he said quietly. 

Frank kissed me again, walking me backwards to gently press me down against the bed. I pushed his jacket off, pulling him down with me. 

“You're so pretty,” he mumbled. 

I unbuckled his belt as he began to kiss along my neck. 

“Oh, fuck,” I mumbled. 

I gasped softly as Frank sucked on a spot right below my ear. I could feel that heat building up inside me, making me want more and more. I sat up slight and Frank helped me take my jacket off, tossing it onto the ground with the rose petals. 

Frank unbuttoned my shirt, kissing down my chest as he went. He got to my pants, taking off my belt and unbuttoning my pants. Frank kissed along my hips and I whimpered, looking down at him. 

Frank sat up between my legs, taking off his white button up. He helped me get mine off to and I could feel my cheeks flush. 

“So beautiful,” Frank mumbled.

He leaned down, laying on top of me as he crashed his lips down against mine. I moaned, tangling my hands in his hair. His hips rolled down against mine and I gasped, feeling the bulge in his pants rub against my own. 

“F-fuck,” I whimpered, rutting my hips up. 

Frank pulled my pants and boxers off. He reached into his bedside table and grabbed a condom and a bottle of lube. 

“You sure you want this?” Frank asked. 

“So badly,” I breathed, sitting up to kiss along his neck. 

Frank moaned softly, letting me leave marks before he pushed me down against the mattress. I gasped softly, feeling the pleasure build up in the pit of my stomach. 

He coated his fingers in lube and I spread my legs a little wider. Frank slowly pushed one in and I whimpered. I gently rocked my hips as he pushed in a second. It stung a bit but thankfully it wasn't too bad. 

Frank’s fingers brushed against my prostate and I gasped. I closed my eyes, tilting my head back. Frank massaged my prostate while I whined, bucking my hips up. 

“Fuck, Frank, I need you,” I whimpered. 

Frank pulled his fingers away, pushing off his pants and boxers. He rolled the condom on and spread lube over his erection. Frank pushed in slowly and I whimpered and the sting. 

He stopped halfway, burying his face into the crook of my neck. I could feel him panting, his hot, heavy breath on my skin made me shudder. He slowly bottomed out when I told him it was okay. 

“Shit,” Frank mumbled. 

He panted heavily as he gently started rocking my his hips into me. 

“Oh f-fuck,” I whimpered. 

The pain started to fade as pleasure took over, running through my veins as my heart raced. Frank held my hips, pounding into me a little harder. I moaned loudly, pulling at his hair as he groaned. 

“Oh fuck, right there,” I moaned when he hit my prostate. 

Frank moved my hips slightly and I cried out in pleasure at the change in angle. I gasped, feeling the tight knot of pleasure burning me from the inside out. 

“Fuck, I’m not gonna last long,” I muttered.

It had been so long since I've slept with someone. 

“Me too,” Frank said. 

His hips snapped again even harder this time and I gasped. 

“Oh god, Frank,” I moaned. 

It was far too fast as Frank kept pounding into me, hitting my prostate each time and I felt myself hanging onto the edge of climax. Sweat covered our bodies, the bed creaking softly.

But then Frank’s hand wrapped around my leaking erection and I cried out in pleasure. I felt the knot unfurl inside me, adrenaline racing through my veins as I came. My head fell back as I moaned and cursed. 

“Fuck,” Frank groaned. 

I relaxed against the mattress, catching my breath. Frank buried his face into the crook of my neck, moaning softly as the grip on my hips tightened. I felt Frank finish in the condom, thrusting shallowly. 

He pulled out and tied the condom up, throwing it away. Frank cuddled up with me in bed and I smiled softly. 

“Is that Gay Hoco then?” I asked. 

Frank snorted and I giggled. 

“Is this pillow talk?” He asked. “It's a lot less sweeter than I would've thought.”

“Fine, we can make it sweet and sappy,” I said. 

“We don't need to because you're already so sweet,” he said. 

I smiled softly, snuggling up against his chest. 

“Let me blow out the candles,” he said. 

Frank got up and I pouted softly at the cold, empty bed. He blew out all the candles and we were left in the dark. Frank cuddled up with me again and I fell asleep quietly in his warm arms.


	10. Chapter 10

Sometimes it was comical being it my school, it was like a scene straight out of Mean Girls, it even included the plastics and the jocks. With the hierarchy of social royals that beat on others to the little food at the bottom. 

I was that little food at the bottom. 

I shrieked as Pete and Brendon picked me up, turning me over in the air. I was dropped into the trash can, kicking my legs as they laughed. 

“Hey! Don't touch him!” Frank shouted. 

He picked me up and rubbed my back gently. 

“What are you? His gay boyfriend?” Pete asked. 

“No,” Frank denied. “You just shouldn't fucking touch him.”

“Frank,” I whispered. “Stop, it's okay.”

“No it's not,” Frank denied. 

He shoved Pete and I gasped. What was he doing?!

“Stop,” I begged. 

I managed to pull Frank away into a bathroom and brought him to the biggest stall, locking the door. 

“Frank, stop trying to pick fights with them,” I said. “It's no fucking use, they basically control the whole school. Just let them beat on me.”

“You've gotta be fucking crazy if you would think I would do that,” Frank said. “I’d protect you no matter what.”

I sighed, shaking my head. 

“Frank, stop trying to defend me, you're only making this harder on yourself,” I said. 

“I don't care,” he said. “I'd protect you no matter what.”

I sighed, running a hand through my hair. 

“Anyways, tomorrow’s birthday,” he said. “You wanna come over before Jamia and I both go to your house?”

I nodded my head and he smiled. 

“Good, I can't wait to see you,” he said. 

“You already see me everyday,” I said. 

“Correction: I can't wait to see you naked in my sheets,” he said. 

I blushed and he snickered at me. 

“I just can't help it, you're so pretty,” he said. “It's been two weeks since the dance and I just can't get you out of my head.”

I giggled and he smiled, kissing my cheek. 

“I loved the way you looked laying out on my bed for me, your head tipped back and the soft moans that kept leaving your mouth,” Frank mumbled. “You looked so good, baby.”

I couldn't help but giggle and he gave me a kiss. 

“I was probably a sweating mess with sex rash,” I said. 

“And you looked so fucking sexy,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. “Come on, we should get to class.”

“You can't say all those things and then expect me to just want to go to class,” I said. 

I pressed my lips against his, pulling him close. Frank pressed me up against the wall gently as the bell for class went off. 

“Baby, we should go to class,” he said. 

“Yeah, you can go to class,” I muttered, “Or you can stay and get a blowjob.”

Frank kissed me again, pressing me even tighter against the wall. I smirked, flipping us around so he was against the wall. I dropped to my knees, reaching for his belt. 

Frank let me undo his belt and pull his jeans and boxers down around his thighs. I wrapped a hand around his semi-hard erection, stroking him until he was sporting a full-on boner. 

“F-fuck,” he muttered as I gently ran my tongue along his underside. 

I took him into my mouth and I glanced up, watching the way his head tilted back and jaw dropped. I took him into my mouth, tasting the bitter precome on my tongue. 

My tongue ran along his underside as I moved down on him. Frank’s hand reached down to tangle in my hair and I gagged on him lightly. His hips rocked gently into my mouth and I felt drool run down my cheek. 

“Shit, baby,” Frank breathed out. 

I jerked off what I couldn't fit into my mouth, my tongue swirling around his tip. Frank panted softly, his hand tightening in my hair. I could tell he was trying to be quiet, he kept biting his lip to try and stop the little whimpers that fell from his mouth. 

“Baby, fuck, baby, shit,” he panted. “God, I just wanna fuck you.”

I pulled off him, kissing around the base. I stroked him slowly as his hips gently rocked forward. 

“Fuck, p-please don't stop,” Frank whimpered. 

I smirked, taking him back into my mouth. I took him to the base, gagging as I felt the tip of my nose brush against the dark, curly hair. 

Frank gasped, his hips jerking forward as his grip tightened. He came in my mouth and I swallowed, a bit of it dropping down my chin. I pulled off, licking my lips.

Frank leaned back against the wall as he caught his breath before he pulled his pants up. I stood up, smirking as I gave him a kiss. 

“I was thinking that maybe I can sleep over tonight,” I said. “And then tomorrow it'll official be your birthday and I can give you your present.”

“Yeah? Is it anything like what we’re doing right now?” Frank asked. 

“It'll be even better,” I whispered. 

“Fuck, baby, I can't think of a better present than you sprawled out on my bed for me,” he said. 

“Well, you're just gonna have to wait until tomorrow,” I said. “Consider this an early birthday present.”

“I really don't wanna go to class but we also really should,” Frank said. 

“I just wanna stay here, it's peaceful,” I said. 

“That might be true but we still gotta go to class, baby,” he said. 

“Says you,” I grumbled unhappily. 

Frank gave me a soft kiss and I smiled. 

“Come on, we’ll go to class and then afterwards we can go back to my house and we’ll just make out and watch movies,” he said. 

“That sounds perfect, honestly,” I said. 

“Then let’s go to class,” he said. 

I scowled quietly before nodding. Frank put his hands in his pockets as the two of us walked to class together. We sat in the back by Jamia as the teacher ignored us. 

“Oh god, please tell me you two weren't doing what I think you were doing,” Jamia whispered. 

“Hey, it was only a blowjob,” I said quietly. 

“And a fucking good one at that,” Frank added. 

I giggled, a soft blush rising over my cheeks. We were swiftly scolded for talking and the three of us tried to pay attention to the math class, which of course was a hard thing to do seeing as it was last period on a Friday, the day before Halloween.

The bell rang and we hurried out. Frank didn't hold my hand as we walked out, he knew how I felt about PDA and I was so thankful for that. We got to his house and he pulled me up to his bedroom. 

“God, you don't know how badly I wanna kiss you,” he said. 

I smiled as Frank gently pressed me up against the wall, his lips colliding with mine. 

“I guess I owe you for that blowjob, huh?” He asked. 

“No, like I said, that was just your early birthday present,” I stated. 

“So, you don't want me to eat your ass out then?” He asked, his hand running over my hip. 

Frank kissed along my neck as he squeezed my ass and I gasped softly. He pulled my hips against his and I let out a soft moan from the friction. I shook my head, pushing Frank away. 

“As much as I would love that, I just kinda want cuddles and movies,” I said. 

Frank nodded and grabbed his laptop. We snuggled up in bed and Frank wrapped an arm around my shoulders as he played a movie on Netflix. 

I rested my head on Frank’s shoulder, smiling as I intertwined our hands. There's nothing I loved more than the feeling of his hands on me, even if it's not in a sexual way. Just the feeling of him close to me made my heart race. 

“I think you might be right when you say we’re fate,” I said. 

“Finally you believe me,” he said, using a very exasperated tone. 

“Hey, not every is as optimistic as you,” I defended. “You can't blame me for not believing in something as quickly as you.”

“I know it can be pretty hard to believe but I do believe in things that are beyond us, that are more spiritual,” he said 

“You're religious?” I asked and Frank nodded. “I-I never knew that about you. I guess we don't really know a lot about each other.”

“Okay, tell me one fact about you that I don't know,” he said. 

I bit my lip. “Um…I-I…”

How is it that I suddenly became the most boring person ever?

“I'm five foot eight?” I offered. 

“That's weak,” Frank said. 

“Okay, I, um, I like to draw,” I said. 

“Really? Are you any good?” Frank asked. 

“Well, I’d like to think so but I'm not too sure,” I said. “I mean, I'm better at things like cartoons and comics but colleges only wanna see if you can do realistic stuff, you know? So, there's not too much of a future for me there because I'm better at cartoons and abstract stuff.”

“Are you planning on going to art school?” Frank asked. 

“No, probably not,” I said. “I've been rejected by almost every place I applied to, there's still one that I haven't heard from, though.”

“Well, even if you aren't accepted there's still another chance,” he said. “You can apply again, create a bigger portfolio, take drawing lessons to draw that realistic shit.”

“What about you?” I asked. “Do you have college plans?”

“Yes, I've already been accepted into Rutgers University,” Frank said. 

“Really?” I asked and he nodded. “That's…that's a pretty nice, prestigious school. What are you majoring in?”

“Psychology,” he said. 

I nodded, looking down at my lap. 

“And it’s only about fifteen minutes away so I can still live at home too,” he said. “Or, you know, we can even get our own place.”

“Yeah?” I asked. 

Living anywhere but home would be a blessing.

“Yeah, it’ll be fun,” Frank confirmed. 

I smiled softly, snuggling into his chest as we watched movies until we fell asleep.


	11. Chapter 11

I smiled as I woke up, and saw Frank sleeping beside me. Despite it being fall and cold outside, Frank’s bed was warm and comforting. I kissed along his neck, moving to straddle his hips. 

“Hm, good morning to you too,” Frank hummed sleepily. 

“Happy eighteenth birthday,” I whispered. 

I kissed down his chest, getting to the waistband of his boxers. Frank tangled his hand through my hair as I kissed along his hips. I ran my tongue over the semi in his boxers, feeling him shudder beneath me. 

The door opened and I shrieked as I jumped back. I looked at the door and saw Ms. Iero with some other man and a lady. They were holding balloons and had a cake that said ‘HAPPY BIRTHDAY FRANK’ on it in blue frosting. 

“Get out!” Frank shouted. 

They quickly hurried out and Frank sat up, his face beat red. 

“Fuck, I can't believe that just happened,” frank said. “I'm sorry, they weren't supposed to be over until noon.”

I didn't know whether to cry or start laughing. 

“Fuck, this is now the most humiliating thing to ever happen to me,” Frank said. “Again, I’m really sorry.”

My face was still beat red as he kissed my cheek. 

“We should probably get dressed,” Frank said. 

Frank put on a t-shirt and jeans and let me borrow a pair of his pants. 

“Can't I just sneak out the window?” I asked. “I don't wanna have to face them now.”

Frank chuckled, holding my hand. He brought me downstairs to where his mom and the other two were. They were all sitting around the table when we joined them. 

“So, I guess your birthday is going off with a great start,” Ms. Iero said. 

“Mom!” Frank exclaimed. 

“I'm sorry, just one joke,” she said. “I promise I won't make any more.”

Frank scowled, shaking his head. 

“Anyways, dad, Diana, this is my boyfriend, Gerard,” Frank said. “Gerard, this is my dad and my step-mom.”

I gave a small wave, looking down at my lap. I was so embarrassed I couldn't even look at them. How do you look at someone after they caught you licking their son’s dick?

“I thought you weren't coming until noon,” Frank complained. 

“No, I said your grandpa was coming at noon,” Ms. Iero stated. “We were all coming in the morning.”

Yeah, Frank was supposed to be coming this morning too.

“Hey, I-I’m gonna go home,” I whispered to Frank. 

“Are you sure?” He asked. “Come on, stay for lunch.”

“No, I should get ready for tonight anyways,” I said. 

Oh god, I wanted to get out of this situation as soon as possible. 

“Alright, I'll see you later, I'll bring cake too,” Frank said. 

He kissed my cheek and I got up, leaving quickly. I went to my bedroom and sighed as my phone rang. 

_Frank: again, I'm really sorry about everything_

_Frank: I can make up for it tonight ;)_

_Frank: I’ll come by when I'm free from birthday activities_

I bit my lip, laying back on the bed. I texted Jamia, inviting her over. She came quick and was already dressed in her kitten onesie. I changed into my skeleton onesie and we sat on my bed. 

“Usually we don't start this early,” she said. 

“I know but I'm kind of freaking out because Frank’s parents just walked in on me trying to suck his dick,” I said. 

Jamia looked at me for a moment before she burst out laughing. 

“It's not funny!” I exclaimed. 

“I'm sorry, I'm sorry,” she apologized, regaining her composure. “Fuck, they actually walked in on you sucking Frank’s dick?”

“Well, I wasn't sucking his dick yet but I was pretty close,” I said. “If they just came ten minutes later I would've been riding him.”

Jamia giggled and I sighed, resting my head on her shoulder. 

“Fuck, I couldn't even look at them when Frank introduced us,” I said. “It was just so embarrassing.”

“I'm sorry, Gee,” she said. “That must've been horrible.”

I nodded, wrapping my arms around her. She giggled and I scowled, hitting her arm lightly. 

“I'm sorry, I’m sorry, I won't laugh anymore,” she said. 

I nodded, a frown still set on my lips. 

“Come on, let’s try and get your mind off of things,” she said. “We can go play video games?”

I nodded my head and we went out to the couch. Twelve rounds into zombies on Call of Duty my phone went off. 

_Frank: They won't stop mocking me about this morning, I wish I could be there to see your beautiful face because seeing you always makes my day a million times better_

I smiled softly and Jamia looked over my shoulder.

“He's so sweet,” Jamia said. “You two are okay? You've been dating for half a month now and that's a miracle seeing as you have commitment issues.”

“I don't have commitment issues,” I denied. “It's just…you know…scary. It's terrifying to leave your heart in the hands of someone who can crush it so easily. But I really just don't think Frank is going to do that to me.”

She smiled, holding my hand. 

“He isn't,” she promised. “Frank isn't that kind of guy, he's going to stick around even if things get rough.”

I nodded and she kissed my cheek.

“I love you,” I said. 

“I love you too,” she said. “And it looks like you're really falling for Frank now.”

“I am not,” I denied. “But he really is just always so nice and stuff. But…I don't think I'm falling for him yet. I'm close but we've only been dating for, like, three weeks. I'm not in love with him but I'm really starting to believe that we actually are fate.”

“I think you are,” she said. “And I bet you're gonna get married and adopt a bunch of babies and live in a big house and I'm gonna be the godmother and I'll spoil all your cute little babies.”

I smiled, cuddling up with her on the couch. 

“That sounds really nice,” I mumbled. 

Frank didn't come until after lunch, dressed in a green dinosaur onesie. He had a bag with him that hung over his arm and looked rather full. 

“You look so cute!” Frank exclaimed, giving me a kiss. 

I blushed, giving him a hug. 

“You're the cutest skeleton ever,” he said. 

My face was beet red as I smiled. Frank gave me another kiss before sitting down with us on the couch. 

“Anyways, I have brought food and pop,” he said. 

He pulled out every item from the bag, ranging from cookies to chips to even a half a cake. 

“Happy birthday, Frank,” Jamia said. 

Frank smiled, giving her a hug. 

“I heard about what happened this morning,” she said with a small smile. 

“Oh god, they would not stop making fun of me for it,” Frank complained. “And fuck, I missed out on a good fucking blowjob.”

“There's always tomorrow morning,” I said. 

“I go to church tomorrow morning,” Frank said. 

“Damn,” I muttered. “Guess I'll just have to ride you some other time.”

Frank laughed and nodded, kissing my cheek. 

“Or I can always leave early and leave the two of you alone,” Jamia offered. 

“But you always sleep over,” I said sadly. 

“Yeah, we can always fuck another time, tonight it's just the three of us partying hard,” Frank said. 

“‘Partying hard’,” I snorted. “More like us just sitting around eating junk food while watching movies.”

“Either way it's still perfect,” Frank said. “So far this is the best birthday ever, would've been better if I could've woken up to a blowjob.”

“Well, you got the start of a blowjob,” I said. 

“Not nearly as good as the real thing,” Frank muttered. 

I giggled, resting my head on his shoulder. 

“So, what movie are we starting off with?” He asked. 

“I don't know,” I mumbled. “Jamia?” 

She put a movie on and I smiled. We snuggled up under a blanket together, Frank’s arms wrapped around my shoulders. The three of us went through, eating the majority of the snacks until we were full and it was nearly two in the morning. Jamia had fallen asleep beside us, curled up under the blanket peacefully. 

“What if your mom comes home?” Frank asked, making sure to stay quiet as to not wake Jamia. 

I couldn't help but snort at that. “Oh please, it's Halloween, she's at some party doing drugs and sleeping with random men. I'm just glad she hasn't had another kid yet because then that kid would just be mine to take care of and I really don't want to do that.”

“I'm sorry,” Frank said softly. 

“It's okay,” I said. “She's been like this ever since my dad and brother passed away.”

“That must've been really hard on both you and your mom,” he said. 

“Yeah, it was,” I mumbled. “I mean, my mom started drinking and then that lead to neglect and then eventually abuse and then she started doing drugs. And I was just a little kid who lost his dad and best friend. Thankfully Jamia was there for me and she made me feel better a lot.”

“She's great,” Frank said and I nodded in agreement. “I-I just…I just want you to know that I'll always be here for you too. Whether you're sad or scared or anything, I'll be here for you for anything.”

I saw him glance at my wrists and I couldn't help but pull my sleeves down a little further self-consciously. 

“Thank you,” I whispered. 

Frank smiled, giving me a soft kiss. 

“Well, it’s not my birthday anymore but Jamia is asleep, which leaves your bed nice and empty,” Frank said. 

I smiled softly and nodded. I grabbed a blanket, laying it over Jamia on the couch. Frank wrapped an arm around my waist, bringing me upstairs to my bedroom. 

“Happy birthday, baby,” I whispered, pulling him close as I shut the door. 

Frank smirked as I pushed him back onto the bed and straddled his hips.


	12. Chapter 12

I laid with Frank on the bed, the two of us sweaty and still catching our breaths. My finger gently ran over his tattoos as I smiled. Frank took my hand in his and pulled it up, giving the bandage on my wrist a gentle kiss. 

“You’re gonna be okay,” he whispered. “It might not be pretty and it might not be fast but you’ll be okay. It’ll be so gradual you won’t even notice. One day you’ll look back and realize that you really are okay.”

I looked up at him, my eyes watering. 

“Frank…” I said softly. 

“You will be,” he said. “One day when we’re living together and happy then you’ll realize you’re okay.”

“You think we’re gonna last that long?” I asked. 

“Of course, we’re fate,” he said. “Don’t you think so too?”

I shrugged my shoulders, looking down sadly. 

“Happy birthday,” I said. “I know I already told you that but I just wanted to say it again.”

Frank smiled down at me, running his fingers through my hair. 

“You know what I think?” Frank asked.

I hummed, looking up at him curiously.

“I think you look really pretty,” he said. 

I giggled, blushing quietly. 

“Thank you, Frankie,” I said quietly. “You’re always so sweet.”

“Well, I’m your boyfriend, I have to be sweet,” he said. “And I like it too, I like telling you all the reasons why you’re so perfect.”

“I’m not perfect,” I mumbled. 

“What are you talking about? Of course you’re perfect,” he said. “You’re beautiful and smart and so creative and talented. You’re more than anything I could ever dream of.”

“You really mean that?” I asked. 

“Of course I do,” he said. 

I smiled, snuggling up close to his chest. 

“As much as I would love to stay up with you, I still have to get some rest, I’ve gotta get to church in the morning,” he said. 

“Alright, sleep then,” I said. 

Frank smiled, pulling the blanket up a little higher around us. I watched him fall asleep, smiling softly. 

I got up and put on my boxers, grabbing my sketchbook and a pencil. I haven’t drawn in so long, I haven’t felt any sort of inspiration. But Frank was here and he just looked so beautiful sleeping in the glow of my soft lamp. 

I bit my lip, putting my pencil down on the paper. I sat there and drew him, concentrating hard. I didn’t stop until Frank stirred awake and I realized the sun was up. 

“What are you doing?” He mumbled sleepily. 

“I-I just wanted to draw you,” I whispered. 

Frank smiled, running his fingers through his hair. He looked at the clock on his phone and sighed. 

“I’ve got about five minutes until I have to leave,” he said. 

I set my sketchbook down and straddled his hips. 

“Mm, gonna ride me a second time?” He asked with a small smirk. 

“Maybe some other day,” I said. 

I gave him a kiss and smiled. 

“You need to sleep,” he said. 

“I’ll try to after you leave,” I said. 

Frank wrapped his arms around me and I smiled. 

“You promise your university is only fifteen minutes away?” I asked. 

“Of course, I couldn’t bear moving far from home,” he said. 

“Good, I would miss you too much if you had to move away,” I said. 

“I would miss you too,” Frank said. “I just…I think I’m falling for you.”

I looked at him with wide eyes, my heart stopping. 

“Fuck, I shouldn’t have said that, right?” He asked. “We’ve only known each other for almost two months. And we’ve been dating for a bit now and I just really think I’m falling for you and I’m falling hard.”

I opened my mouth but no words came out. Frank got up, getting dressed. 

“Sorry, I made this awkward,” he said. 

“No, it’s okay,” I said. 

Frank gave me a kiss and sighed. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said. 

I nodded, giving him another kiss. Frank left, and I sighed, laying back down. I made some quick changes to my art before I felt fatigue wash over me. I curled up in bed, quickly falling asleep. 

When I woke up I smelled something cooking. My immediate thought was just an old memory. Just a memory of when I was a kid and my dad and brother were still alive. I loved waking up on the weekends to the smell of my mom cooking. We’d always eat and my dad would take my brother and I to the park where we’d play all day before going to get ice cream. 

Those were the days when everything was easier. 

I pushed the blanket off reluctantly, putting my onesie back on. I went and and smiled when I saw Jamia cooking. She smiled as I went over and kissed her cheek. 

“All you had was eggs so, here is some scrambled eggs with a side of sunny side up eggs,” she said. 

I giggled and sat down. 

“Where’d Frank Go?” Jamia asked. 

“He has to go to church,” I said. 

She nodded, the two of us quiet. 

“So, you two woke up in the bedroom, you give him a little present while I was asleep?” She asked with a small smirk. 

“Well, you could put it that way,” I said. “He sure loved his present though.”

“Well, I’m not surprised that he loves his dick up your ass,” Jamia said. 

“He told me that he’s falling for me and he’s falling hard,” I said. 

“Really? What’d you say?” She asked. 

“I…I didn’t,” I said in embarrassment. “I couldn’t say anything back. Fuck, what if I messed this up because I just didn’t know what to say? God, I fuck everything up.”

“Hey, you know it’s gonna be okay,” she said. “In the end everything is gonna end up alright.”

“He’s going to college, did you know that?” I asked. “He got into Rutgers University to study psychology. Is it weird that I’m kinda proud of him?”

“Well, that’s good for him,” she said. “He should be proud of himself. He’s gonna be able to help people.”

“People like me,” I said softly. 

“Yeah, He’s gonna help you too,” she said. “She’s gonna help you and all the other kids like you who feel like they don’t quite belong in this world or don’t think they’re gonna make it because it’s not true and every here matters, everyone plays an important role even if they don’t quite know it just yet. You matter, Gee. You matter to me and Frank and even to Ms. Iero. Your art is important, I know you may seem small compared to the rest of the world but you have a voice, that voice is your art. Sometimes you just have to scream for people to really understand.”

I looked over at her, my eyes watering. 

“You matter, Gee, all you have to do is scream,” she said. “Maybe you can get into art school, you can share your stories and all the struggles you’ve been carrying around with you over the years.”

“I-I don’t think I would get in,” I said quietly. 

“You just have to try, Gee,” she said. “It’s scary, it’s scary for everyone.”

What’s the point of applying for college if I’m probably just gonna kill myself anyways?

“We have meetings with the counselors at school soon,” Jamia said. 

“I know, I’m not looking forward to it,” I mumbled unhappily. 

She held my hand gently and smiled. We went back to my bedroom and she turned on her laptop, playing a movie. After a few hours I heard a car and looked out the window. 

I had a view of Frank’s driveway from here and watched him and his whole family get out of the car. He was dressed in a pair of black skinny jeans with a white button up and a tie. I smiled softly, he was so pretty. 

“What is it?” Jamia asked. 

“Just Frank,” I said quietly. “I-I think I’m falling for him too but I’m too scared. I never thought about that moment when I fell in love. I never wanted to actually be in love. It’s terrifying.”

“It is, it really is but being in love is worth it,” she said. “You get all the joy and the laughter out of it. Frank cares about you a lot and you care about him too.”

I nodded looking across the distance between our houses into Frank’s room. I watched him change into a t-shirt before he left the room again. 

“Tell him you’re falling for him too, it’ll make him the happiest man alive I bet,” she said. 

“But…if I tell him then I might ruin everything,” I said. 

“He’s the one who’s falling for you, Gee, if anything it’ll only make you two closer, make what you have more intimate,” she said. 

“You think?” I asked. 

Jamia smiled and nodded, holding my hand. 

“When you two weren’t talking we would still hang out,” she said. “Although, I started to really hate hanging out with him because he would just talk about you the entire fucking time. It was cute but still really annoying.”

I smiled softly, squeezing her hand. 

“Frank is really cute and so sweet,” I said. “I’m really glad that I have him. I feel like I was so stupid before but at the same time I was scared and I feel like I’d do it all over again.”

She smiled, resting her head on my shoulder. 

“He told me we were gonna get an apartment together to stay in while he’s in college,” I said. “We could really leave all this behind and be happy together.”

“You think you can be happy together?” Jamia asked curiously. “You think that maybe there’s something better waiting for you in the future.”

“Yeah, I’m really starting to think that maybe there is something better in the future,” I admitted. 

“Good, because there’s definitely something better and I know that for a fact,” she said. 

I chuckled softly. “Alright, let’s finish watching this movie.”

Jamia smile and the two of us cuddled up together again.


	13. Chapter 13

“You have to have some sort of dreams or aspirations,” she said. 

I just looked down, shrugging softly. 

“You can’t just not apply for college,” my counselor said. 

I just shrugged again. 

“You’re never gonna make it with just a high school degree,” she said. 

I didn’t say anything, my eyes watering. 

“You have to apply somewhere,” She said. 

I only shrugged again. I really wasn’t wanting to go to college at all. I had no dreams or aspirations. What’s the point of putting myself through all that stress. 

“You can’t just do nothing with your life,” she said. 

I wiped away some tears, wishing I could just leave. 

“So you’re just gonna do nothing with your life?” She asked. 

I shrugged again. 

She let out a sigh. How can a sigh sound so disappointed?

I stood up and left, passing the small line of other people who were here for meetings. I walked out of school, running the entire way home. I sobbed as I walked into my bedroom, shutting the door. 

School ends in only about fifteen minutes, Frank will be wondering where I am when I don’t come home with him. I wanted to cut, I needed to. But…Frank was always so proud of me when I didnt. 

“Hey, Baby,” I heard someone call. 

Has it already been fifteen minutes?

“You here?” He asked. 

Frank walked into my room, crawling into bed with me. 

“You left early, what’s wrong? What happened?” He asked. 

I didn’t say anything, turning my back to him. 

“Baby, what happened with the meeting?” Frank asked softly. 

Oh, his voice was so gentle and sweet. 

“Gee?” He asked. 

His arms wrapped around me and I whimpered. 

“Baby, talk to me,” he whispered. 

“Go away, I wanna be alone,” I mumbled. 

“I’m sorry but I’m not gonna do that,” he said. 

“Why?” I asked. 

Frank pulled me closer and I felt the heat radiating off his body. 

“You want some food or something?” He asked. “I can go cook you something if you want. We have ice cream at my house.”

“I’m not hungry,” I muttered. 

“Are you sure?” He asked. “It’s strawberry, your favorite.”

“Frank, just go,” I said. 

Frank didn’t move, he only held me tighter. 

“Baby, you’re so perfect,” he said, gently kissing the back of my shoulder. 

I scooched out of his arms, facing the wall as I cried quietly. Frank moved closer but I only moved away. It continued like this until i was squeezed between him and the wall. 

“Can’t get away from me now,” Frank said with a small chuckle. 

I pushed him back as I stood up. 

“Just leave already, Frank,” I said. 

I left the room, going to the bathroom. I sobbed as I shut the door, grabbing my razor. Stupid fuck. 

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Frank asked. 

He grabbed my razor and I gasped as he dropped it into the toilet and flushed it. 

“You don’t need that,” he said. “You shouldn’t cut, it doesn’t do anything to make anything better.”

“Frank, you don’t—“

“No,” he interrupted. “Cutting isn’t the way to solve things. It’s okay to get upset about things but cutting doesn’t help. Talk to me, Gee.”

“I-I don’t want to talk to you,” I said quietly. 

“Then you don’t have to talk to me,” he said. “I can tell my mom, her friend is a psychologist and he can—“

“No,” I denied. “You can’t tell people.”

“You can’t keep doing this to yourself, Gee,” he said softly. “You’re three weeks clean and I’m so, so proud of you. And you’re so strong for being clean for that long, I bet it’s hard. But I am proud of you every single day.”

I sobbed, shaking my head. 

“Gee, come on, let’s go, we can go to my mom and you can talk to someone who can really help you,” he said. 

“No, Frank, I don’t want to talk to people,” I said. 

“Gee, I-I want to help you, I really do,” Frank said. “I don’t know whether to be assertive or coddle you or…I don’t know, I’m so scared of saying the wrong thing. I just want you to be happy and healthy. And if you don’t want to talk to me then that’s okay but I think it would be best for you to talk to someone else, someone who is a professional and knows what to do and what to say.”

Frank wiped away my tears gently as my lip quivered. 

“Come on, everything’s gonna be okay,” he said. 

Frank took my head and lead me to his house. 

“Sweetheart, what’s wrong?” Ms. Iero asked the second she saw me. 

“Mom, can I talk to you in the other room?” Frank asked. 

I sat on the couch as they left. I sobbed more, wrapping my arms around myself. It was getting hot in here. Was the room getting smaller? Oh god, I can’t breathe. 

I ran out, gasping for breath. I sat down on the front porch as I sobbed. I felt a hand on my shoulder as Ms. Iero sat beside me on the step. She didn’t say anything, just wrapped her arms around me. There was something comforting about a mother’s touch, something I haven’t felt since I was a child. 

“You’re gonna be okay,” she whispered, running her fingers through my hair. 

I cried into her shoulder and she kissed the top of my head. 

“I’ll call my friend for you,” she said. “And you know you’re welcome here whenever you want, even if Frank isn’t here then feel free to come over.”

“I-I can’t afford to pay for meetings with him or—“

“No, no, don’t worry about it,” she said. “I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

“Frank, h-he’s always so happy when I’m clean, I want to be clean for him,” I said. 

“That’s a great goal,” she said. “But you should also want to be clean for yourself.”

I sniffled, wiping my eyes. 

“You’re gonna be okay,” she whispered. “Everything’s gonna be okay.”

I felt Frank sit down on my other side. He rubbed my back gently as I sniffled. 

“We can go snuggle up under blankets and watch a movie if you want,” he said. 

I nodded my head and he stood up, holding out his hand. Frank helped me up and walked inside with me. I sat on the couch, crying quietly as I curled up in his arms. 

“It’s okay,” Frank whispered, kissing the top of my head. 

I nodded hesitantly. Frank was so sure I would be okay, how could I be so unsure? Because in the end everything isn’t going to be okay. Everything was just a big bag of shit and nothing good is ever going to come out of it. It’d be better to just get out now before things get worse. 

“Gee?” A voice asked softly. 

I looked at Frank, humming quietly. His eyes were watering as he looked at me. 

“What is it?” I asked. 

“I just…I just really care about you,” he said. “And I don’t know what’s going on inside your head and I probably never will but that’s okay because I just want you to be okay, baby. I don’t like seeing you hurt, whether it be emotionally or physically. I want you to be happy and healthy and I know that might be hard for you but I just want you to know that you’re worth it. You have something to live for, you’re worth a million stars.”

Tears gently ran down his cheeks as he leaned forward, giving me a soft kiss. 

“I want you to be okay, I want you to be happy,” he said. “I know I can’t just say that and make you okay but you just deserve so much more. And I want to help you feel better but I don’t know how to and I feel like I’m just gonna fuck it up and say the wrong thing or something and I’ll just ruin it. I want to help you but I just don’t know how and I’m so scared that maybe one day I’m gonna lose you. We’re fate, Baby, we’re supposed to be together forever.”

I held him close, running my fingers through his short hair as he cried. 

“You’re perfect, Frankie,” I said. “Really, you’re perfect and I am so thankful to have you.”

Frank gave me a soft kiss and I smiled. 

“You tell me anything you want from me and I’ll do it, I want to make you happy,” he said. 

“I don’t want you to be unhappy though,” I said. 

“I’m not, trust me I’m not,” he said. “I just want you to feel better and that’s all that I care about. As long as I’m with you then I’m happy.”

I nodded my head, holding him closer. 

“You don’t deserve cuts on your wrists, you don’t deserve to feel all that pain,” he whispered. “You’re…you’re just so perfect. And every time I see you you just take my breath away. I’m so lucky to have you and be able to call you mine. You’re always on my mind, I think I’m falling for you.”

I looked at him, my eyes wide. 

“I-I don’t mean to scare you or anything but you just make me so happy and I can’t stop thinking about you,” he said. “I think I’m falling for you and I’m falling hard.”

He wiped away my tears gently and I smiled. 

“You’re really falling for me?” I asked. 

“Definitely,” he said. “It’s okay if you don’t feel the same way about me. I-I know me telling you this was rather sudden and I was so worried I was gonna scare you from telling you. But it feels so good to get all of that off my chest. And I don’t regret it either because that’s just how I feel and I’m so happy to show it, I wanna show it to everyone.”

“I’m sorry I don’t like showing us together in public,” I said. 

“No, it’s okay,” he said. “I don’t care that much I just want you happy and comfortable.”

I nodded my head, cuddling up with him as the two of us fell asleep on his couch.


	14. Chapter 14

I walked outside and got into Ms. Iero’s car, which Frank was driving. He smiled, giving me a kiss. 

“How was your session today?” He asked. 

I shrugged and he smiled reassuringly. 

“My mom’s making spaghetti for dinner,” he said. “And I bought more Sprite too.”

He drove us back to his house from my therapy session, one hand on the steering wheel and the other on my thigh. 

“You wanna talk about it?” He asked and I shook my head. “That’s okay, you don’t have to talk to me about it if you don’t want to but I do want you talking to your psychologist. I-I want you to feel better.”

“I know you do,” I said quietly. 

“I don’t want you to feel like pressured by me or anything, just take your time,” he said. “I know it’s a long, hard process but you’re gonna be okay, I know you are.”

“I know what else is long and hard,” I muttered. 

Frank snorted, giving me thigh a small squeeze. 

“I also rented some movies on my laptop,” he said. 

I smiled softly, resting my hand on his. 

“That sounds really nice right about now,” I said. 

He smiled and we got home, sitting at his table. His mom already had dinner made.

“You okay, Gee?” She asked. 

I shrugged softly and she kissed the top of my head, sitting across from us. 

“You have homework to do this weekend, Frank?” Ms. Iero asked. 

“Only a little bit,” Frank said. 

“Well, make sure you get it done,” she said. 

Frank nodded, taking a bite of his food. 

“How is school going, Gee?” She asked. 

“I-it’s Okay, I guess,” I mumbled. 

I looked down, taking a small bite. I wasn’t very hungry but I knew Frank would want me to eat, I just didnt have an appetite at all. I just wanted to lay in bed listen to music or something. 

“Alright, we’re gonna go watch movies or something,” Frank said when we finished eating. 

“That’s fine, just don’t stay up too late,” Ms. Iero said. 

We nodded and went up to Frank’s room. He grabbed his laptop and pulled me onto the bed with him to snuggle. 

“You’re so pretty,” he mumbled, brushing my hair behind his ear. 

I blushed softly and he kissed my cheek. He wrapped his arms around me and started playing a movie, which I now saw was Jaws. 

“Frank, wh-why are you still dating me?” I asked. “I only bring along trouble.”

“No, that’s not true,” he denied. “You’re perfect. And I really, really like you a lot and I want to be with you for a very, very long time.”

I looked at him as I smiled softly. I rested my head on his shoulder and felt him wrap his arms around me. Warmth radiated off his body and I leaned closer as I hummed. 

He kissed the top of my head and I smiled. Frank ran his fingers through my haircut holding me tight in his arms. I felt so safe in his arms, I loved being here with him. 

“Frankie, I-I think I’m falling for you too,” I whispered. 

I looked at him nervously. Oh god, I think I might throw up or something. 

“Good, I’m falling for you too,” he said. “And I mean it, I really do like you a lot.”

I smiled, leaning up to give him a soft kiss. 

“Frank, I want to be happy for you,” I said quietly. 

“You should want to be happy for yourself,” he said. 

“Why? I-it doesn’t matter for me, I don’t matter at all,” I said. “You’re the one who deserves better than me so I want to be happier for you because you deserve someone who’s so much better than me.”

“Are you kidding me? You’re so perfect,” he said. “I wouldn’t want anyone else but you. I fell for you, Gee, I fell for exactly the way you are and I wouldn’t take that back for a single second.”

“Really?” I asked and he nodded. “I-I’m Sorry about pushing you away I was just so scared and I didn’t think you really wanted me and I didn’t want to have my heart broken again.”

“It’s okay to be scared, it’s new and new things are scary,” he said. 

I nodded softly, laying back against his chest. He kissed the top of my head and smiled. 

“Is it okay with your mom if I stay the night here?” I asked. 

“Yeah, of course,” he said. 

I smiled, yawning softly. 

“Tired?” He asked. 

“Yeah, I am,” I mumbled. “Guess I just had a long emotional day or something.”

“You don’t need to defend yourself,” Frank said. 

He paused the movie and stood up. He handed me some pajama pants and I smiled as I changed into it. Frank turned off the lights and put the laptop onto one side of the bed, laying behind me on the other side so we could still watch the screen. 

I closed my eyes, feeling my back pressed to Frank’s chest. I listened to the movie playing as I felt myself falling asleep. I smiled as Frank ran his fingers through my hair. 

When I woke up Frank wasn’t in bed. Gentle light streamed in through the curtains and I yawned. Frank opened the door and came in, cuddling up with me in bed. I smiled softly as he gave me a soft kiss. 

“I don’t even care if you have morning breath, I still love kissing you,” he mumbled. 

I snorted, hitting his shoulder. 

“My morning breath isn’t that bad,” I grumbled. 

“It’s not,” he said. “I think everything about you is just so perfect.”

I smiled softly, resting my head on his chest. 

“I don’t want ever get out of bed,” I mumbled. “I wish I could just stay here with you forever and ever.”

“I wish I could stay here with you too,” he said. 

“I have to pee though,” I mumbled. 

Frank chuckled softly and I stood up. I used the bathroom and brushed my teeth before coming back to cuddle with Frank again. I gave him a kiss and he smiled. 

“Minty?” I asked. 

“Yeah, It is,” he said. 

I smiled, holding Frank’s hand. 

“Do you have to go to church today?” I asked. 

“Yeah, Do you want to come with us?” He asked. 

“I-I’m not really religious,” I said. 

“That’s okay, maybe having a religious figure or something would help you to feel better,” he said. “I know it’s not for everyone but sometimes having a more spiritual figure helps people.”

“I…I don’t know, I don’t think that’s really my thing,” I said. 

“Just one day and see how you feel about it,” he said. 

“Maybe one other day I can do that,” I said. 

“Alright,” he said, kissing my forehead. 

He got up and I watched him get changed into his black jeans, white button up and a tie. I smiled as he tied his in the mirror above his dresser. 

I stood up, going over to him as I smiled. I grabbed his tie, pulling him closer. I gave him a kiss and he held my hips, pulling me closer. Frank gently pushed me back onto the bed, kissing me deeply. 

“How long until you have to leave?” I mumbled against his lips. 

“Too soon,” he said. 

He kissed my forehead and stood up. 

“You can stay here if you want, we won’t be gone for long,” Frank offered. 

“I don’t know,” I mumbled. 

“It’s alright with my mom, she doesn’t really care,” he said. “You can watch movies and you know where our food and stuff is. Just wait for me here and I promise we can cuddle all day long and we can eat ice cream and watch tv.”

“That sounds perfect,” I mumbled. 

I smiled, giving him a soft kiss. 

“Okay, so just hang out here and I promise I’ll be home from church soon,” he said. 

I nodded my head and he gave me a kiss. Frank left and I sighed, curling up in his bed. I heard them drive away and I sighed. I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath. It smells like Frank. 

That’s weird. 

But also so nice. 

Okay, I think I need to stop smelling Frank’s blankets because that sounds really creepy. But he also smells so nice. 

“Oh my god, Gerard, stop being a fucking creep,” I mumbled to myself. “He let’s you stay in his house while he’s at church, the least you could do is not do creepy shit.”

I grabbed his laptop, turning it on to go to Netflix. I smiled as I turned on a show. Oh this time of year is the best, they always update their shows around around now. 

I stayed like that for a while until Frank got back home. I smiled when he walked in and gave me a kiss. 

“Did you eat yet?” Frank asked. 

“No, I haven’t,” I said. 

“Alright, I’ll go get something for us, I’m pretty hungry too,” he said. “How does ice cream and sandwiches sound?”

“Ice cream and sandwiches?” I asked with a small giggle. 

“Not a good combination?” He asked and I giggled, shaking my head. “Alright, I’ll get ice ice cream and cookies then.”

“Oh man, I am gonna gain so much weight with how many sweets you keep giving me,” I said. 

“But yet you’re still just so beautiful,” Frank said. 

I giggled as Frank left. He came back with ice cream and cookies. He took off his tie, curling up in bed with me. 

“What are we watching?” He asked. 

“The Office reruns,” I said. 

“Oh, perfect,” Frank said. 

He curled up under the blanket with me and smiled.

“So, How was your time here alone?” He asked. 

“Well, I didn’t do anything creepy,” I said. 

Frank smiled, giving me a kiss. The two of us curled up under the blanket, watching Netflix and eating until our stomachs practically burst.


	15. Chapter 15

I laid in bed, staring at the wall in front of me. I could hear the front door open before the bed shifted behind me.

“Hey, baby, you okay?” Frank asked quietly. “Mia told me you weren’t feeling so well.”

I didn’t say anything, just stared ahead. I looked at the little bumps in the paint and the little markings on the wall.

“You need anything, sweetheart?” He asked.

I shook my head and he gently kissed my shoulder.

“I miss you, I haven’t seen you in awhile,” he said.

I didn’t say anything and he sighed. I muttered in annoyance when I felt him crawl over me to the other side in between me and the wall. He watched me carefully, his beautiful green eyes sparkling.

“What’s wrong?” He asked.

“This is the time my dad and brother died,” I whispered.

Frank’s face softened as he looked at me.

“Oh, Baby, I’m so sorry,” he said.

Frank wrapped his arms around me and I cried quietly. He gently rubbed my back, helping to calm me down and make me feel a little bit better. 

“I-I thought you’ve come to terms with it, you’ve accepted it,” he said.

“I’ve come to peace with their deaths but that moment ruined my life,” I whimpered. “Everything was so perfect before then. My mom actually loved me, she was actually a good mom. But after they died she changed and I have hated my life ever since then.”

“I’m sorry,” Frank whispered, kissing my forehead. 

“You don’t have anything to apologize for,” I mumbled. 

“I’m sorry that you aren’t appreciated enough, I’m sorry that you don’t get treated well enough, I’m sorry that your mom turned into a walking pile of shit,” he said.

I smiled softly at the last part and he chuckled.

“Do you wanna go catch a movie or something?” He asked and I shook my head. “Come on, you can choose the saddest movie playing and we’ll both cry into a bowl of popcorn together.”

“I don’t really wanna move at all,” I mumbled.

“We are going to get you a shower and then we are going to cry into popcorn and grab the fattiest junk food we can find and we will binge watch Parks and Rec on Netflix,” he said.

“Really, Frank, I just wanna stay here and wallow in my own self pity,” I said.

“Then we can wallow together,” he said.

I sniffled, resting my head on his shoulder.

“Can we just get hammered together or something?” I asked. 

“I don’t think you should be drinking right now,” he said. 

“You can’t really tell me what to do,” I said. 

“I know that I can’t but I just want what’s best for you,” he said. 

I scowled, turning away from him. 

“You don’t know what’s best for me, you don’t know me,” I said. 

I felt him wrap his arms around me and I scowled. He kissed the back of my shoulder gently, humming a soft tune. 

“Frank, can you please just leave me alone?” I asked. 

“No,” he said. 

“Please,” I whispered, my voice cracking. 

Frank leaned up on his elbow as I laid on my back, looking up at him with watery eyes. 

“You sure?” He asked.

Frank gently caressed my cheek and I nodded. 

“Alright,” he sighed. “But if you’re ever at all feeling sad or hopeless then call me, okay?”

I nodded and he leaned down to give me a soft, slow kiss. 

“I love you,” he whispered. 

“Y-you do?” I squeaked. 

“I do,” he said, kissing my forehead. “I should leave you alone now then, you want me to go grab you some food?”

I shook my head slowly and Frank gave me one last kiss before he left. I stared up at the ceiling, still in a state of shock. 

Frank…loves me?

He really loves me?

I bit my lip, feeling my heart race in my chest. I couldn’t help but feel empty now that Frank was gone, I missed him. 

I picked my phone and clicked onto Frank’s contact. My thumb was hovered over his name to call him when I froze. I frowned sadly and put my phone back down. 

I’m bothering him too much. 

I sniffled and curled up with my pillow, wishing it was Frank instead. I closed my eyes, begging that maybe Frank would come over on his own, just after really wanting to come over for himself. I don’t want him to only come over because he’s giving me pity. 

I curled myself up tighter in the blanket, tears pricking my eyes. It was barely fifteen minutes later when I suddenly heard the front door open again. The bed behind me moved and I looked over to Frank.

“I know you told me that you weren’t hungry but I just couldn’t help myself,” he said with a small, sheepish smile. “My mom had baked some snickerdoodles and I thought that you would really like some so I thought I’d bring some over for you.”

He held out a small plate and I sighed.

“I’m not very hungry,” I mumbled.

“Come on, try one,” he insisted. “I promise they aren’t poisoned or anything.”

Maybe if they are then I don’t have to feel this way anymore. Maybe then I can make all this pain go away.

“I promise if they taste bad then I will...do the chicken dance in my boxers on one foot,” he said.

I couldn’t help but giggled and he kissed my forehead. Frank grabbed a cookie and fed me a bite. I chewed slowly and looked up at him.

“It is pretty good,” I mumbled.

“See, I told you,” he said. “I brought my laptop with me. I thought that maybe we can watch a movie or something to help keep your mind off things.”

“I said I wanted to be alone, Frank,” I grumbled.

“And I said I brought my laptop,” he stated.

Frank curled up with me in my bed and he put on some random movie on Netflix. I didn’t pay attention the entire time, my mind just kept drifting the entire time.

“I’m gonna go take a bath,” I said.

“Alright, that sounds good,” Frank said. “I’ll be here keeping the bed warm.”

He gave me a kiss and I climbed over him out of bed. I went to the bathroom where I completely broke down sobbing. I turned on the bath water, wiping my eyes as the sound of the water splashing against the porcelain tub helped to mask the sound of my loud crying.

I stepped into the tub, still dressed in my boxers and my shirt. I felt everything rushing through me like a hurricane of emotions that would never end, pushing through the barricades and tearing me apart from the inside out until I was nothing but a small boy still begging for his mother’s love.

I just wanted to end all this pain. It was too much, I couldn’t handle it anymore. I didn’t want to feel the hurt that was always hurting me. It was tearing me apart until I was only the shell of the person I once was.

I closed my eyes, dunking my head down under the water. I felt my hair dance around me in the water as time seemed to stop and I held my breath. It seemed peaceful for a moment before the burning in my lungs started and the panic set in. But I wasn’t going to stop, not until all the pain went away and I can finally be at peace again.

I felt the instinct to sit up, gasp for the air to fill my lungs in the way my body so desperately needed. But I didn’t, I forced myself down. I held onto the faucet to help keep myself down under the water. I gasped, swallowing water as I felt my head spin. I was so close to losing consciousness and in the back of my mind I knew that I was so close not having to feel this pain anymore.

I felt someone pull me out of the tub and I fell onto the tile with a heavy thump. I coughed, practically throwing up water as Frank held me. He shut off the water, holding me in his arms. I closed my eyes and felt my head and throat in pain when I passed out.

I was out for about five minutes when I woke up, still on the bathroom floor in Frank’s arms in a pool of water. I groaned, feeling sick to my stomach.

“Fuck, I-I gotta call an ambulance,” Frank said.

“D-don’t,” I croaked. “P-please don’t.”

“What the fuck were you doing?” Frank asked, tears streaming down his cheeks to mix in with all the rest of the water.

I didn’t say anything, shaking my head.

“Go away, Frank,” I whispered.

He grabbed a towel, wrapping me up in it. Frank helped me to my room and dried me off, getting me changed into a clean, dry pair of pajamas. 

“I’m gonna go clean up the water, please just stay here and take a nap or something,” he begged.

Frank tucked me into the bed and left the room. I turned over onto my side, crying quietly to myself. He crawled into bed with me when he was done and gently kissed the top of my head.

“Please, baby, talk to me,” he begged, his voice cracking.

I didn’t say anything, keeping my back facing him.

“You know that I love you so much, right?” He asked.

I sniffled, closing my eyes.

“Baby, I just wanna talk with you,” he said. “I want you to be happy. I-I want to help you, what can I do to help you? I’ll do anything.”  
“Just leave me alone, Frank,” I grumbled.

“I’m sorry but I’m not gonna do that,” he said.

I sniffled, sobbing heavily as Frank held me tighter in his arms. He ran his fingers through my wet hair, humming quietly until I finally fell asleep.


	16. Chapter 16

Frank reached over to hold my hand under the table and I quickly pulled my hand away. He looked a little sad but didn’t say anything as the teacher continued on with the lecture. Class ended and I sighed as we walked out of the room. We went outside and started walking back home. 

“I’m sorry for not holding your hand,” I said quietly. 

“It’s okay, I know you’re not really into PDA or anything,” Frank said. 

“I-I just wish I could hold hands with you in public and kiss you without feeling like I would throw up,” I said. 

“It’s fine, Baby, I’m just glad to be with you at all,” he said. “Come on, let’s go home and play some video games or something.”

“I don’t know, I have homework to do,” I said. 

“Are you sure?” Frank asked. “We can go order a pizza and drink soda.”

“I’m fine, I-I just kinda wanna go home,” I said. 

“Alright, are you sure you’re okay?” Frank asked nervously. 

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I said. 

I smiled, looking around before I gave him a soft kiss. 

“So you’re really fine then?” He asked nervously. 

“I’m fine,” I insisted. 

“Alright, call me if you need anything at all,” he said. 

I nodded, giving Frank one last kiss before I walked inside my house. I looked around and found it unsurprisingly empty. As soon as I was in my room I flopped down onto my bed, closing my eyes. 

It felt like years before I actually opened my eyes again but when I looked at the clock I saw it had only been fifteen minutes. I looked out my window into Frank’s room, watching him play guitar. I cracked my window open and I could hear him through his open window. He was singing and it sounded so beautiful.

I watched him like I was caught in a daydream. He was even more beautiful than his music. He was enchanting almost, I couldn’t stop watching. I smiled softly as I watched him. He was mine, really mine. For the first time ever I had someone who really cared about me. Someone who liked me just as much as I liked them. 

O-or maybe he didn’t really like me. Maybe he’s just faking all of this. 

No, that’s stupid, why would he waste his time faking this?

But…what if he is?

I sniffled as I laid down, listening to Frank’s music. The song he was playing sounded familiar. What was the name again? Fuck, I don’t know. It sounded kind of like a song by the Beatles. Either way it sounded so beautiful. I closed my eyes, feeling like I was in a dream. 

I frowned softly when the music stopped. There were soft voices before it was quiet again. I could hear Frank’s window up wider. 

“Hey, Gerard, my mom made pizza rolls!” Frank shouted out the window. “You want some?”

I couldn’t help but giggle as I sat up. God he’s such a dork. 

“Come on, they’re still hot,” Frank said. 

I smiled, giggling happily as I walked over to Frank’s house. He pulled me up to his room where a plate of pizza rolls sat on his desk. 

“I heard you playing,” I said as I sat beside him on the bed. “It was really good.”

“Thanks, I’m trying to practice because the school’s having a talent show and I thought I might audition for it,” He said. “What do you think? Is it just a waste of time?”

“You’d be amazing,” I said. 

“You should join me, you can sing while I play guitar,” he said. 

“N-no, I can’t,” I denied. “That’s really not my thing.”

“You would be amazing up on that stage,” he said.

“No, I-I can’t,” I denied. 

Frank smiled and gave me a soft kiss. I felt my heart flutter and I rest my head on his shoulder. Frank turned on some funny videos on his laptop while we ate. He wrapped an arm around my shoulders and I could feel a small blush form on my face. I looked over at him, smiling softly.

“You’re really pretty,” I mumbled.

“You’re really pretty too,” he said.

I smiled, cuddling up close to him as we watched videos on youtube. 

“I think we should just watch videos of cute little kittens,” Frank said. “Everyone just needs cute little kittens to make everything seem better.”

“You like kittens?” I asked.

“Yeah, but I guess I’m really more of a dog person,” he said. “When I grow up I just wanna play music and get a bunch of dogs, that’s my dream.”

“Dogs and music, I can get on with that,” I said.

“Good because you’re in my dream too,” Frank said. “It’ll just be you, me, dogs and music.”

I smiled happily, looking over at Frank.

“That sounds perfect,” I said. “I-I really couldn’t think of anything better.”

“Soon we’re gonna be living together in a little house and I’ll be a psychologist and you can take care of the dogs and then we’ll get married and maybe even have some kids too,” he said. “Do you want kids, Gee?”

“Yeah I guess, maybe only one or too,” I said. 

“I could imagine the two of us adopting a little kid,” he said. “I can imagine us all cuddled up on the couch watching movies and on Christmas morning and getting family matching costumes for Halloween.”

I chuckled softly, as he ran his fingers through my hair.

“I can’t wait until I have cute little kids running around the house,” he said. “Maybe two or three. Although my mom always told me to never have three kids because then you have a middle kid and she was a middle kid growing up and apparently it sucked. So she always tells me that I can’t have three kids because then one would be the middle child. But I don’t know, I’m not really gonna adopt the number of kids just based on my mom’s opinions. I’ve always wanted kids, I’ve wanted kids ever since I was a kid.

“I remember when I was little my favorite game used to be ‘daddy’, which people nowadays have practically changed the entire meaning of the word. But anyways, I used to have this one baby doll when I was a little toddler and I would pretend to be its dad and take care of her. I used to carry her around everywhere. At the foot of my bed I had a pillow and every night I would lay her on it and use a little blanket and tuck her in.”

“That’s adorable,” I said with a small chuckle.

“Yeah, I’ve just always wanted kids,” he said. “I think they’re the sweetest.”

I held his hand and he smiled, giving me a kiss.

“Can I listen to you play?” I asked.

Frank smiled and nodded, going over to sit in his desk chair as he picked up his guitar. I bit my lip, watching his hands on the strings as he played. He wasn’t singing and I wasn’t sure why but decided not to question it. Frank closed his eyes and I smiled, he looked so at peace like this. I could really see him doing this for a living.

“You should start a band,” I said.

Frank stopped playing as he looked over at me.

“We should start a band together,” he said. “I’ve heard you sing, you’re good. You can sing and I can play guitar. Maybe it’d just be like a two man band. We can get married and be just like The White Stripes.”

“You know they got divorced, right?” I asked.

“Oh, I didn’t actually know that,” Frank said. “Okay, maybe we can just start a band and get some other people to join too.”

“Who else would join?” I asked. “In case you haven’t noticed not many people like me.”

“Jamia can join,” he said.

“She doesn’t play an instrument,” I replied

“We can teach her to play drums,” Frank said. “I know a bit and I’ve got my grandpa’s old drum kit upstairs in the attic.”

“Yeah, I’m not sure if she’s gonna be down with that,” I said.

“We can put some posters up at a nearby college,” he said. “O-Or maybe when I go off to university I can ask some other people who are in the music program down there if they wanna join our band.”

“I-I don’t,” I mumbled. “I’m not really so good at performing in front of people.”

“Baby, you have a beautiful voice,” he said, moving over to sit next to me on the couch. “And I bet you that people would pay millions and millions of dollars just to be able to hear you sing.”

“No they wouldn’t,” I mumbled.

“Are you kidding me? You’re one of the best singers I have ever heard,” he said. “I bet you would be an amazing performer. Imagine being onstage, lights on you as crowds full of people cheered for you and sang along to the songs you wrote, knowing every single word by heart. Imagine being able to help people through your music.”

I smiled softly, holding his hand.

“But I thought you wanted to be a psychologist, not a musician,” I said.

“I do want to be a psychologist but I also just want to be a musician on the side,” he said. “I wouldn’t do, like, really long, month long tours or anything like that but I could release music and do local shows and occasionally just go away for weekends to do shows farther away.”

I smiled, giving Frank a kiss.

“I-I don’t know,” I said quietly. “I don’t know if I would really be able to do all that. I mean, I’ve never even written a song before and now I would have to write an entire album? I couldn’t even stand the poetry units in school. I don’t know how to write a song.”

Frank chuckled, squeezing my hand.

“Don’t worry, we can write them together, I’ll help you,” he said.

I sighed quietly. “C-Can I think about it?”

“Of course you can, you don’t have to join a band with me, it was just an option,” he said.

I smiled, giving him a soft kiss. Maybe everything really could be perfect in the future, maybe I can really be happy with Frank.


	17. Chapter 17

I walked down the hallway, keeping my head down. Frank wasn’t here today because he had a doctors appointment and it left me all alone. I didn’t realize how much I really needed him until now. There was something so emptying about being alone and being away from him.

Someone shoved me against the lockers and I whimpered. I looked over at Brendon as he stood there with his group of friends. 

“Where’s your faggy boyfriend?” Brendon asked. 

Th-they know?! N-no, they don’t know, I’ve been so careful. 

“Frank isn’t a fag,” Lindsey said. “No way he’s dating someone with a dick.”

“If anything he’s sticking into that fat ass Jamia,” Kritsrin said. 

“Why would he go for a pig like that when he could just fuck me?” Hayley asked. 

I cowered against the lockers as I looked at them. 

“You’re right, not even a fag would wanna be with this hideous fuck,” Brendon said, shoving me again. 

Pete laughed, shoving me then. 

“No one would ever fucking want you,” he said. “You’re fucking worthless.”

Unfortunately for me class had started, which meant we were completely alone and not even a teacher could help me. 

“Even your mother doesn’t love you,” Brendon said. “Remember all those times your mom would never show up to school events? I remember watching your own mom hit you and that’s when I realized just how pathetic you were. Not even your own mother loves you.”

I didn’t say anything, I just looked down in shame. He was right, no one loved me. Not my mother and certainly not Frank.

That’s when the first hit came to my jaw. After that was another swift punch to my stomach. I doubled over, groaning as I clutched my stomach. I was pushed over onto the ground where I was kicked.

“Oh my god, I’m, like, so bored,” Kristin complained.

“You wanna skip class and get some frozen yogurt?” Lindsey asked.

“Does frozen yogurt have any fat?” Kristin asked. “Because I’m on the five bite diet and I’d rather there be as little fat as possible.”

“What’s the five bite diet?” Hayley asked.

“I only eat five bites of a meal,” she said. “My caloric intake is only about 900 calories a day.”

“Great, now you’ve really made this boring,” Pete said. “Let’s go.”

They all left and soon I was alone in the hallway. To think I was left alone just because they got bored talking about diets. I stayed there for a moment before actually getting up. I didn’t move for a while before I finally got the energy to stand up. I walked out of school and down the street I lived on.

I sniffled as I went into my house and up to my bedroom. My jaw was hurting as I laid down in my bed and closed my eyes. Tears stung my eyes but I tried my best to push them away as I buried my face into the pillow. The part that hurt the most is that they were right, they were right about everything. Nobody loves me and nobody could ever love me, Frank couldn’t even love me. I’m too awful to love. I’m just fat and gross and nobody wants me.

I laid there for hours until I heard the front door open. I assumed it was my mom until my bedroom door opened. Someone crawled into bed behind me and wrapped their arms around me and I could immediately tell it was Frank from his cologne.

“Hey, Baby,” Frank whispered. “I missed you.”

I let out just a little mumble in reply.

“You okay?” He asked.

I nodded slowly and he pulled me tighter.

“Baby, what is it? What happened?” He asked. “Was it Pete and them again?”

“No,” I lied. “I’m fine, Frank. I’m just really tired, I didn’t sleep very well yesterday.”

“How come?” He asked.

“I-I just accidentally drank coffee too late at night so I couldn’t sleep,” I said.

Frank chuckled softly and kissed the back of my shoulder.

“Well, I’m glad I finally get to see you,” Frank said. “I’ve missed you so much. And the doctors was boring and I had to get a shot and they gave me a Scooby Doo band-aid that I think is pretty rad.”

I turned around in his arms and he smiled at me, giving me a soft kiss.

“I’ve just been waiting until I can have you in my arms again,” he said.

“Don’t you have other things you would rather be doing?” I asked.

“No, what else would I want to do?” He asked.

“I don’t know, just do something that doesn’t involve me,” I said.

“There’s nothing I would rather be doing than cuddling with you,” he said. 

“Do you really still think that we’re fate?” I asked.

“Of course we are,” he said. “And I have a feeling that we’re going to be together for a long time. And you’re so pretty and perfect and I still don’t really understand just how you’re single. I bet anyone would try to pick you up in a heartbeat.”

I blushed softly as I shook my head.

“I mean it, you’re the literal embodiment of perfection,” Frank said. “And I am so fucking lucky to be able to call you mine.”

“You don’t mean that,” I mumbled.

“I do, Gerard, I do mean it,” he said. “I remember the morning I was walking to my new school and I was so scared. But then I saw this beautiful, beautiful boy and I knew that we were meant to be, it was love at first sight. And then I got the courage to talk to him and it was so perfect and I followed him around like a little puppy and he thankfully let me and then one day I worked up the courage to kiss him when we tried to make ice cream. It was soft and sweet and there were millions of butterflies in my stomach at that moment as I held him close and I knew I wanted to be with him.”

I looked at him, smiling softly as I gave him a kiss. Frank wrapped his arms around me, pulling me closer to him. He gently pressed me against the mattress and held my hips.

“And then,” he whispered, “I remember the way my skin felt against his for the first time. He was so beautiful in the candle light he completely took my breath away. I just wish I could’ve stayed in that night forever in our beautiful homecoming dance. I wish I could’ve just held him in my arms and kissed him and let him know that everything was going to be okay. I wish I could’ve kissed his scars and told him how much I cared about him.”

“Why didn’t you?” I asked.

“I don’t know, I guess I was just scared,” he mumbled.

“What could you be scared of?” I asked.

“Scared that maybe if I said the wrong thing he would leave me again,” he said.

“He wouldn’t do that,” I whispered.

Frank gave me a soft kiss, his lips lingering on mine. He picked up my hand slowly pushing up me sleeve to reveal my scars. He gave my wrist a soft kiss and I could see his eyes glazing over with tears.

“I love you,” he whispered.

I didn’t even realize I was crying until he gently wiped away my tears.

“I love you so much, Gerard,” Frank whispered. “And I just want you to be happy in life, that’s all I could ever want.”

“Y-you really love me?” I whimpered.

“Of course I do, all I want is to be with you forever, we’re fate, Gee, we’re soulmates,” he said.

“I love you too, Frank,” I whispered.

Frank pulled me close, burying his face into the crook of my neck. I hugged him tight, pulling him close to me.

“I’m sorry for that time I didn’t talk to you for a month,” I mumbled. “It was a mistake, really. I was just so scared and I didn’t want to be hurt again. I thought that pushing you away would be better than getting my heart broken.”

I gave Frank a soft kiss and he smiled at me. He laid down beside me, holding my hand. I turned on my side to face him, both our heads resting on the soft pillow.

“Frank, I lied to you,” I whispered. “I didn’t just stay up late last night, I was alone so Brendon and Pete cornered me and beat me. A-and they told me about how no one would ever love me because I’m just so disgusting and--”

“No,” Frank interrupted. “Don’t you ever fucking listen to them. They don’t know what they’re talking about. You’re the best person I have ever fucking met. They’re just stupid high school kids that only feel better when they’re making fun of other people just so they can ignore their own internal pain and self-loathing. They don’t really mean any of the shit that they say.”

“They’re always just calling me a fag and they believe you’re giving it to Jamia but they really hope not because they say that she’s too ugly to get someone as hot as you,” I said. “They all want to fuck you, all those girls who terrorize Jamia want to fuck you. They’re all super into you and I always get kind of get jealous when they talk about how much they want to fuck you.”

“I would never want to fuck them, the only person I would want to be with is you,” he said. “I love you so much and what they say is just bullshit. I’m sure they say the same things about every guy in the school.”

I sniffled and nodded, cuddling up close to him.

“I’m really glad I got to see you today, you always seem to know what to say,” I mumbled. “You really make me feel better. I’m really glad I met you.”

“I’m really glad I met you too,” he said. “I am the luckiest fucking person in the whole world.”

Frank wrapped his arms around me and rolled over as I giggled. He pressed his lips against mine in the sweet kiss that I could never stop loving.


	18. Chapter 18

It was Thanksgiving night and I was home alone. It was dark and cold something about being all alone on a holiday like this made me more empty than I was before. I looked out my bedroom window down into Frank’s kitchen. I could see him with his family as they all talked and laughed in the warmth of the light. Frank was wearing a dark blue sweater and black jeans and he looked so happy as he laughed, a can of pop in his hand.

I laid down in my cold bed, all my lights turned off. I sniffled quietly, clutching my blanket to my chest. I dragged myself out of bed and down the hall to the bathroom. I was all alone. No one really loved me. Brendon and Pete were right all along. Maybe Frank thinks he loves me but he really doesn’t, he isn’t going to ever really love me.

I picked up my shiny little razor, turning it over between my fingers as it glinted in the bathroom light. I just needed something to take the pain away, something to make me feel better. All there was in life was just this empty pain that burned me from the inside out until I was numb. I needed the pain that made me feel less numb.

I dragged the razor across my pale wrist, biting my lip as I watched the blood bubble up to the surface. Three more cuts on my left wrist and two on my right later I set the razor down, watching the blood run down over my skin and drip onto the white tiles. I leaned back against the bathtub, my head leaning back against the rim as I stared up at the ceiling. I closed my eyes, tears rolling down my cheeks. My left hand laid on the cold tile floor, a small bit of blood pooling around my fingers.

I sobbed quietly as I sat there all alone, listening to my voice echo. Something about it made me feel even more alone. I leaned down slightly as I cried before I opened my eyes again. Tears blurred my vision as I stared up at the ceiling. I was so cold and empty, I had no one in my life. I had nothing going for me in my life. 

I should just end it now. Why should I have to suffer this numbing pain anymore when I can just be free from all of this? I have nothing in my life, I might as well just end it. I wouldn’t have to suffer through all of this torment at school anymore. I wouldn’t have to just wait for that inevitable moment when Frank finds someone else who’s so much better than me and breaks my heart, I would be able to avoid all the heartbreak and misery.

Maybe I would finally be with my dad and my little brother again. I loved them both so much and when we were younger we used to have so much fun. My parents would always take us to the zoo and my little brother just loved to make animal noises for each animal he saw. Maybe if I just end it now I can go and be with them where it’s so much more peaceful and happy. 

I really had no one here anyways. Maybe Jamia but she’ll move on and have other friends that she’ll like more than she likes me. It’s not like she cares that much about me anyways. She’s barely been around recently, she probably has new friends that she cares about more than me. Maybe she has friends who are more confident than me, maybe they actually stand up for her when she’s getting bullied rather than just go and cry into my pillow like I do.

And Frank doesn’t really need me, he doesn’t care about me that much. One day he’s going to realize that he doesn’t love me and he’s just going to take my heart and rip it up into a million different pieces. He’s going to find someone who’s prettier and smarter and funnier. He’s going to find someone that he’s going to love more than he loves me.

Everyone always ends up loving someone more than me. I didn’t deserve any of the love and attention I had gotten in my life. I didn’t deserve Frank and Jamia in my life, they deserve to have so much better than someone as disgusting as me. They would be better off without me, everyone would. The world would just be better off without me in it to screw everything up and make everyone else more miserable.

Because of me even Frank gets bullied and beaten up now. He would have been fine if he had just never met me. He would have been happy and maybe he would even be friends with Brendon and Pete while banging half the girls in the school. He would be happy and even be taking his own turn beating me.

Frank wouldn’t care about me for long. He may think that he likes me now but soon he’ll realize that I’m nothing but a big piece of shit and I don’t deserve him. He’s gonna rip my heart and out of my chest and throw it onto the ground before stomping on it until it’s just a puddle of mush and blood on the ground. He doesn’t love me, he has no reason at all to love me because I’m nothing but a piece of shit that doesn’t deserve anything more than living in a gutter.

I felt someone wrap their arms around me and pull me up into the tub. The shower turned on and I whimpered quietly as the water rained down over me. Frank held my in his arms, cleaning me up. He shut off the water, both of us soaking wet as he dried off my wrists and carefully bandaged them up. He brought me back to my bedroom and got us both out of our wet clothes.

Frank wrapped his arms around me as he gave me a soft kiss. I sniffled, closing my eyes as he held me close. He cried quietly, burying his face into the crook of my neck. Frank held me close to him, gently running his fingers through my hair.

“Baby, I-I love you so much,” he whimpered.

I sniffled quietly, turning away from him.

“D-do you wanna come over to my house for Thanksgiving dinner?” He asked quietly. “Please, can’t you come over? I-I want to make you happy. I love you so much, Baby, I-I just want to make you happy.” 

I sniffled, wiping my eyes.

“Please, Gerard, please let me do something to try and make this better,” he begged.

I nodded my head and he got up. Frank dug through my dresser and got dressed into some of my clothes. He got me dressed too and I sniffled quietly, that empty feeling inside of me seemingly more vast than it was before.

“E-everything’s gonna be fine,” Frank said, his voice cracking.

He took my hand and brought me downstairs before we went over to his house. It was so different here, warm and bright and joyful. I felt so out of place here, it made me feel even more isolated and alone. Frank sat me down at the big table with the rest of his family, holding my hand. 

“It’s so nice to see you again, Gerard!” Ms. Iero cheered.

Everyone around me was eating and laughing as I poked at my food. Frank gave my hand a soft squeeze and I knew that he was about to cry at any moment, I could tell by the way his eyes were glazed over and he tried to smile a bit but his lip just quivered before it fell down again to a small frown. He wasn’t eating much either, just pushing his food around his plate as his relatives all asked him questions about his life.

“Alright, Frank, Gerard, will you two help me with dessert?” Ms. Iero asked.

We went to the kitchen and Frank grabbed a pie before he carried it out.

“Are you okay, Gerard?” Ms. Iero asked quietly.

I didn’t say anything as I just stiffly nodded.

“I want you to know that I will always be here for you,” she said. “And you are welcome in my house whenever you want. I promise that I’ll be here for you if you ever need me.”

I nodded again and she gave me a hug before she kissed my cheek. We brought the rest of the dessert out and set it onto the table. Frank scootched his chair a little closer to me, a hand resting on my knee reassuringly. 

“I-I’m gonna go to the bathroom?” I whispered.

Frank nodded and I left the dining room. I went upstairs to Frank’s room and crawled into his bed. I closed my eyes as I took a deep breath and I could smell him on the pillow.

Yeah, that’s still weird, I should stop.

I closed my eyes, I was so tired but at the same time I couldn’t sleep. I just felt so empty and alone and I didn’t want to be down there with all of them, it was like I was sucking away everyone else’s happiness into my own little ball of despair.

“Baby, what are you doing up here?” Frank asked when he opened the door.

He crawled into bed with me and I sniffled. 

“Come on, Baby, please talk to me,” he begged. “Please tell me what’s wrong, I-I just want to know what’s wrong so that way I could make you feel better. I want to make you happy, Gerard. I love you so much, I love you more than anything else in the world. I want you to be happy, you’re so important to me and seeing you hurt makes me hurt. I want to make you feel better, I love you, Gerard.”

I sniffled, resting my head on his chest. He held me tight in his arms, trying to bring me comfort as I cried heavily, wishing that I could just go away.


	19. Chapter 19

I bit my lip as I stared at the wall in front of me. Frank came into my bedroom, a box of donuts in his hands.

“Hey, you didn’t show up to school today,” he said softly. “I brought some donuts.”

Frank sat down next to me and I looked up at him. He caressed my cheek gently as he smiled.

“I love you,” he whispered. “And I think we should just cuddle up and watch movies and stuff our faces with donuts.”

Frank leaned down and gave me a soft kiss.

“Are you okay?” He asked. “Why didn’t you come to school?” 

I didn’t say anything, my lip just quivered.

“Oh, sweetheart, please don’t cry,” he whispered. “I’m here for you now.”

I grumbled unhappily as Frank pulled the blanket off.

“But I think that you need a shower first,” he said. “Come on, you need to get cleaned up.”

Frank pulled me to the bathroom as I whined. I sniffled, wincing in pain as he changed the bandages on my wrists. He ran a bath and I got into it, keeping my wrists up on the edge of the tub so the bandages wouldn’t get wet. Frank scrubbed my hair with shampoo and he hummed softly. The front door opened and I could hear the fridge open and close before a bag was set down in the living.

The all too familiar sounds of my mom coming home.

“Lock the door,” I whispered.

Frank frowned in confusion but went over and locked the door anyways. He went back, scrubbing my head. I could hear my mom downstairs and I sniffled quietly.

“Gerard, Baby, who is that downstairs?” Frank asked.

“My mom,” I mumbled.

Frank nodded softly and rinsed off my hair. I leaned my head back against the tile wall of the shower as I closed my eyes. I could feel the tears running down my cheeks as the footsteps came upstairs. 

“Baby, are you okay?” Frank asked.

I whimpered, shaking my head. My mom’s bedroom door shut and I let out a small breath of relief. I felt lips press against mine softly and I tangled a hand into his hair.

“Come here and fuck me,” I whispered.

Frank pulled away. “Baby, I don’t think that’s a good idea with the mindset you’re in right now.”

I leaned over, pressing my lips against his. 

“I want you in this tub with me,” I whispered.

I kissed him roughly and he let out a soft moan.

“Are you sure?” He asked.

I nodded my head, pulling at his shirt. Frank pulled it off and stripped down, climbing into the tub with me. He was on his knees between my legs as he kissed me roughly.

“Fuck, Baby,” he mumbled.

I pulled him close to me, my hands tangling into his hair.

“Fuck me,” I whispered.

The desperate desire for passion and the need for some sort of feeling was driving me to move forward. Time seemed to move so slow but yet so fast at the same time. Next thing I new Frank was pushing into me and I closed my eyes as he buried his face into the crook of my neck.

“Fuck, Baby, I love you,” he whispered.

I cried silently, not even hard as he rocked his hips into me. I closed my eyes, whimpering quietly as he let out quietly moans. I didn’t feel anything, that emptiness inside me was still there as I just cried, tears rolling down my cheeks. Frank gasped softly as he came inside me. I was still numb as Frank pulled out, keeping his face in the crook of my neck.

“Fuck, Baby,” Frank mumbled. “Did you finish?”

I nodded slowly, wrapping my arms around him. I just wanted to feel something but there was still that numbness within me.

“Are you okay?” He asked, pulling away to look at me and I hoped the tears on my face weren’t noticeable.

“Yeah, of course I am,” I said as I forced a smile into my face that I hoped was convincing.

“Good, I’m glad you’re feeling better,” he said. “We should get you dried up, both of us dried off, actually.”

I nodded and gave him a soft kiss. We both got dried off and went out to my bedroom. I got dressed into a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie before I curled up in bed with Frank.

“Where did all the donuts go?” Frank asked. 

“My mom probably stole them?” I whispered without even looking up. “Also she probably took the forty bucks from my wallet, money from the piggy bank and my watch.”

Frank looked around the room and discovered that she had in fact stolen all of those things. He cuddled up with me, holding me tight in his arms.

“Your mom is such an ass,” Frank muttered. “You deserve so much more than someone like her.”

“Well, she’s currently passed out from the drugs and booze, glad she’s such a great role model,” I mumbled.

“She’s passed out, let’s just go and get your shit back, “ he said.

“We can’t do that, Frank,” I said quietly.

“I bet she wouldn’t even notice us,” Frank said.

“Frank, we can’t do that,” I said. “I-I’m tired, I just wanna sleep.”

Frank smiled down at me and gave me a soft kiss.

“Alright, get some rest then,” he said.

Frank wrapped his arms around me from behind, humming quietly as I closed my eyes, slowly falling asleep to the sound of his humming.

When I woke up Frank was asleep beside me. The sun was starting to set outside as I sat up, looking out the window. I sniffled quietly as I took off the bandages on my left wrist. I cried silently, wishing for something to just come here and take me away.

I whimpered as I slowly picked at the scabs on my wrist. I could feel the stinging pain and I bit my lip. I needed to feel something and this was the only way I could get rid of that endless numbing feeling inside of me. 

I sniffled as I watched the blood bubble up on my skin. I watched as a droplet of blood rolled down my forearm, a deep color of blood in such contrast with my pale skin it was almost beautiful. I sniffled, closing my eyes as I leaned my head back against the wall. I wrapped the bandages back up, trying to clean up the blood, hoping Frank wouldn’t notice it at all.

I laid back down beside Frank, looking over at him sadly. Frank deserves so much better than me. I watched him as he slept, he looked so beautiful. His eyes fluttered a few times before he looked at me, his beautiful green eyes sparkled. They crinkled softly when he smiled. 

“Hey, how’d you sleep?” He asked.

“Fine, I just woke up,” I whispered.

Frank smiled and leaned forward to give me a soft kiss.

“What time is it?” He asked.

“Oh, it’s about half past five,” I said, glancing over at the clock. “Do you have to go now?”

“I can stay for a little bit,” he said. 

Frank leaned forward and gave me a soft kiss. He smiled over at me, wrapping his arms around me.

“I love you,” he whispered.

“I love you too,” I said.

If there was one thing I knew at all it was that I actually did love him. The only thing I knew, the only feeling I had was my love for the boy in front of me. I just wished that maybe things would be different, I wish I was different. I wish that I could just be someone completely different, someone who was actually happy. I wish I knew how to even feel happy.

“I love you,” I whispered. “I love you so much.”

Frank smiled, giving me a soft kiss. 

“God, I hope I get to wake up to your beautiful face every morning,” he mumbled.

I smiled softly as he kissed my cheek, a soft blush forming over my cheeks. 

“I love you,” he whispered.

I smiled, giving Frank a kiss. We cuddled up together for a little bit while after Frank turned on the tv.

“Turn the tv down a little bit,” I said. “I don’t wanna wake my mom up.”

Frank nodded and kept the volume down low as we watched it. He pulled me close, pressing his lips against mine. 

“I have to go now,” he said sadly. “I’ve got some homework to do and my mom told me to be home for dinner. But do you want come over? We can eat and study together, and then maybe we can, you know, _not_ study.”

His lips lingered against mine and I blushed.

“Please say yes,” he whispered.

I nodded nervously and he smiled. Frank got up and held my hand, bringing me over to his house.

“Gerard, it’s so nice to see you again, how do you like spaghetti?” Ms. Iero asked. “I usually make meatballs too but I keep them separated because Frank’s vegetarian. I remember when he told me he was vegetarian when he was eight and I thought it would last a week at most but here a decade later he’s still true to it. I remember when he was eight and the guy I was dating took him into the kitchen of the restaurant he worked in and he saw the dead chicken and then Frank screamed and he started crying and--”

“Mom, don’t embarrass me,” Frank complained. “Come on, Gerard, let’s go up to my room.”

Frank pulled me up to his room and shut the door.

“I’m sorry my mom is always embarrassing me,” he said.

“It’s okay, I love hearing about you when you were a kid,” I said. “You sound so cute.”

“Well, I think that you’re cuter any day,” he said.

Frank smiled and gave me a kiss.

“You’re seriously the best,” Frank said. “I love you so much.”

I gave him a kiss and he smiled.

“Also, I just wanted to tell you now that I’m going away for Christmas,” he said.

“A-Away?” I whimpered.

“Yeah, my family always kinda goes on this cheesy Christmas vacation to a cabin where they go skiing and stuff like that,” he said.

“Oh,” I mumbled. “Well, I hope you have fun, it sounds like fun.”

“Yeah and I want you to come with me,” he said.

“Me?” I asked.

“Yeah, you’re practically part of the family now, you deserve to come,” he said. “And besides, I would love to spend Christmas with you in a little cabin where I can snuggle up with in front of the fireplace.”

“It’s okay with your mom?” i asked.

“Are you kidding me? She loves you,” he said. “And she may have already bought a plane ticket for you.”

I smiled and nodded my head. Frank gave me a soft kiss, holding me tight. Maybe now I can really try and be happy.


	20. Chapter 20

We’ve been at the cabin for a few days now and so far it was perfect. I was actually happy for the first time in years. Frank gave me a kiss as he rolled over in our bed to look at me.

“Merry Christmas, baby,” he whispered.

“Merry Christmas,” I said.

Frank tickled me and I giggled. He pressed me down against the mattress and I smiled, hugging him tight. I got up and yawned as I stretched.

“Come on, let’s go downstairs,” he said.

I smiled softly at his Christmas pajamas as he pulled me downstairs to where everyone else was already awake.

“Present time!” Frank cheered.

They went around passing out presents and although most were for each other, I got one from Ms. Iero and two from Frank.

“I got some for you too,” I said quietly.

I handed it to Frank and smiled.

“It’s not a lot, I don’t have a lot of money,” I said.

Frank opened the little box and smiled.

“A slide ring?” He asked. “Man, I’ve been wanting one of these for a while now but every place seems to sell out of them.”

I nodded my head, blushing softly as he picked up the other item. It was just a little black guitar pick. He read the writing on it that said ‘I love you more than anything, G’ and on the other side was a picture of the two of us from homecoming.

“Oh my god, that is so sweet,” Ms. Iero said.

“Thank you, I love them,” he whispered, kissing my cheek.

“I got something for you too, Ms. Iero,” I said.

“Oh, you didn’t have to do that, sweetheart,” she said.

“You’ve really been so nice to me and I just want to thank you for everything,” I said.

I handed her the little box and she smiled as she opened it. 

“Oh, Gerard, it’s so nice,” she said.

“I hope it’s nice,” I said. “I’ll be honest it’s kinda cheap but I thought it looked pretty.”

“It’s beautiful,” she said, looking at the little necklace. “Thank you so much.”

Frank intertwined our fingers and I smiled.

“I love you,” he said.

“I love you too,” I whispered.

He squeezed my hand and smiled. We went up to our room and I giggled happily as Frank pressed me down against the mattress.

“I love you,” he whispered. 

I gave him a kiss and he smiled.

“You wanna fuck me, Baby?” I asked, gently caressing his cheek.

“I do but I was going to save that gift for later,” he said. “Most favorably for a moment where I don’t have reindeers on my crotch.”

I giggled happily and he laid down beside me. 

“Mm, we need to get dressed but I’m just so lazy and comfortable here with you,” he said.

Frank gave me a soft kiss and I smiled as I pulled him close. I pushed him over onto his back and smirked as I kissed down his chest. I pulled down his pants, wrapping a hand around his semi-hard erection.

“Shit,” he breathed. 

I ran my tongue up his underside and his hand tangled into my hair. I took him into my mouth and listened to his quiet moans. I moved back off, stroking him quickly.

“F-fuck,” he whimpered.

My tongue swirled around his tip before I took him back into my mouth. I moved my head on him, looking up to him covering his mouth to try and muffle out his moans. I moaned and listened to him whimper quietly. Frank rocked his hips up into my mouth and I gagged lightly. Frank’s hand pulled on my hair lightly and I pulled off.

“Oh god, Baby, please don’t stop,” he whimpered.

I leaned up, pressing my lips against his. I pulled off my pants and boxers and kissed him roughly. Frank sucked on his fingers before moving them down behind me. He pushed one into me and I whimpered. He pushed his finger in and out slowly before he added a second. I moaned, gently rocking his hips on his hand.

“Oh god, fuck me,” I whispered.

Frank smirked and held my hips, gently guiding me down onto him. I moaned, sinking down onto him. I ground against him softly as I whimpered. He held my hips, biting his lip as he looked up at me. I held his shoulders, picking my hips up before I slammed them back down. I gasped softly, my head tipping back. I kissed him roughly, my hands tangling into his hair. 

“I love you,” I whimpered. “Oh god, I love you so much.”

I pulled him close to me, rocking on him as he moaned. He wrapped a hand around my erection and I gasped softly.

“Oh fuck, Frank,” I whimpered.

I moaned as I bounced on his lap, getting closer to the edge as pleasure throughout my body. Frank stroked me quickly and I gasped, trying to stifle my moans as I buried my face into the crook of his neck. I whimpered when his thumb ran over my tip and I felt myself shudder. The boiling knot of pleasure was burning inside me.pushing me closer and closer.

“Oh-oh god, I’m gonna come,” I whimpered.

“Me too, don’t stop,” he begged.

I gasped as he kept stroking me quickly, his hips snapping up into me. Pure bliss washed over me and I covered my mouth, muffling my loud moans as I came. My legs shook as I kept rocking, trying to get him closer to his orgasm. I kissed along his neck, gently tugging on his hair.

“Fuck,” he muttered.

Frank came inside me and I whimpered as I rode him out through his orgasm before I laid down beside him in bed.

“Merry Christmas, Baby,” I whispered.

I leaned over and gave him a soft kiss. I smiled at him, a real, genuine smile. I had actually been able to really feel something without my little shiny razor. These past few days here have been perfect, it was peaceful and happy. I was actually happy. Maybe my life could actually be like this once I get out of that shithole called high school. Maybe Frank and I can really get our own apartment and it’ll be like this everyday.

“Fuck, we need to get cleaned up before someone catches us,” he said.

I grabbed the tissues from the box on the nightstand and got us cleaned up.

“Fuck,” he mumbled as he looked at my spot of come that was on his shirt.

The two of us got dressed before we went downstairs. We snuggled up in front of the tv watching Christmas movies with his stepmom, Diana, in our big, soft sweaters with mugs of hot chocolate in our hands. Frank kissed my cheek and I smiled happily. 

“You two are so cute together,” Diana said. “How long have you two been together?”

“Um, almost four months now,” Frank said.

“Wow, you two are going pretty steady then,” she said. “You two are the cutest, you make the most adorable couple ever.”

“Thanks, Diana,” Frank said.

“Speaking of,” Ms. Iero said as she walked in the room, “Frank, I wanted to tell you something.”

Diana took that as her cue to leave and I bit my lip.

“Sh-should I go too?” I asked.

“No, Sweetheart, it’s fine,” she said. “You’re family. I just wanted to tell you that I’ve been going out with a guy for a little while now and it’s really time that I told you because I think that he might be sticking around for a little bit.”

“You’ve been dating someone? For how long?” Frank asked.

“About five months, I met him a few days after we moved here,” she said. “And now that I know that he’s serious it was about time that I told you.”

“Who is he?” Frank asked.

“His name’s Jason and he’s really sweet,” she said. “I think you would like him, he owns a little tech shop. He likes to play drums and he’s into a lot of the same bands as you. I met him when I went in to try and get help fixing my phone.”

“He’s not good enough for you,” Frank said.

I smiled over at him as I rest my head on his chest.

“He’s coming over for our get-together on New Years and I expect you to be nice,” Ms. Iero said.

“I still don’t think that he’s right for you,” Frank said. “He isn’t good enough for you.”

Ms. Iero smiled and kissed Frank’s cheek.

“You’re the sweetest,” she said.

She left the room and I smiled softly as I snuggled up against Frank.

“I love how protective and caring you are,” I said.

“I want my mom to be happy and all but those men don’t deserve her,” he said. 

I smiled, giving him a soft kiss.

“I love you,” he said.

“I love you too,” I said. “You’re the absolute sweetest.”

“Well, I have pretty high standards for my mom,” he said. “She’s the most important woman in my life.”

I kissed his cheek and he smiled. 

“And I can’t wait until I get to have you in my bed later tonight when we go for round two,” he said. 

I giggled, a deep blush on my cheeks as I shushed him. 

“Also, one other question, do you happen to know how to ski?” He asked. 

“Frank, do you believe my druggie mom ever took me skiing?” I asked. 

“I was just asking because we’re going skiing tomorrow,” Frank said. 

“Well, You can go skiing and I can cheer you on from a safe distance away,” I said. 

“Come on it’ll be fun,” he said. “I swear it really isn’t that hard and we’ll stay on the easy slopes, I’m not even a professional, I’m only averagely good. Plus, it’s gonna be pretty empty at the slopes too. Come on, I promise that I’ll be so much fun and if it isn’t then I’ll give you a blowjob.”

“Fine,” I mumbled. “I guess I’ll go skiing.”

Oh god, what have I gotten myself into?


	21. Chapter 21

I whimpered nervously as I looked over the edge of the bench. We were on a ski lift and I was so terrified. 

“Hey, Baby, it’s okay,” Frank whispered. 

He tried to hold my hand but it was a little difficult with our big gloves. 

“It’s like that scene from the movie where the people got stuck on a ski lift and then they died and one fell off and broke his legs and was eaten by wolves,” I said. 

“What are you talking about?” He asked with a small chuckle. 

“That’s what happened, right?” I asked. “I-I don’t know, I’m too scared to remember right now.”

Frank leaned over, pressing his lips against mine. I felt myself relax as I kissed back, his tongue softly pushing in between my lips. I whimpered quietly, kissing him back desperately. 

“I love you,” I whispered. 

Frank rest his forehead against mine as he smiled. 

“I love you too,” he said. “And I’m glad you’re finally happy.”

I nodded my head and we got to the part I dreaded most at the top. 

“H-how do we get off?” I asked nervously. 

“Just push off,” he said. 

We got to the top and I lost my balance and ended up falling on my face in the store. Frank helped me up and brought me over to the side. His mom and Diana came up on the next lift, his dad and grandpa back at the cabin. 

“Alright, let’s go to the bunny hill,” Frank said. 

I walked awkwardly in my skis to the hill and bit my lip. 

“I-I don’t think I can do this,” I whimpered. 

“You just bend your knees and go,” Frank said. “This slope is straight and it isn’t very steep.”

I whimpered as I watched a five year old beside me go down the hill on his own. 

“I’m a little nervous,” I whimpered. 

“That’s okay, I’ll be right by your side the entire time,” he said. 

I nodded my head, holding onto the poles. Frank went over all the basics and the next thing I knew I was going down the hill. I whimpered nervously, my movements all slow and shaky. Frank stayed beside me the entire time, his moves a lot more smooth and professional. 

“You’re doing great!” Frank cheered. 

We got to the bottom and I smiled proudly. 

“I knew you could do it,” he said, giving me a kiss. “You wanna go again?”

I nodded my head and we went back up to the top of the hill. It was a little easier this time now that I wasn’t so scared. Soon enough I was a little bit better and my moves became more fluent. We got to the bottom and I giggled happily as I kissed Frank’s cheek.

“Let’s take a little break,” he said. 

I nodded and we took off our skis and equipment before going into a little lounge. We sat by the fireplace and I didn’t realize how tired I was until I flopped down into the armchair. Frank smiled, sitting down next to me. I giggled happily as we both squeezed into the one seat. He wrapped his arms around me, holding my close to him. 

Thankfully there wasn’t really anyone else here so i didn’t mind being so open with Frank. He kissed my cheek and I blushed softly, burying my face into his shoulder. 

“I love you,” I whispered. 

“I love you too,” he said. 

I looked over at him and smiled, a soft blush on my cheeks. 

“What is it?” He asked with a small chuckle. 

“Nothing, I’ve Just never been this happy before,” I said. “Not since my dad and brother passed away.”

“You deserve to be happy,” he whispered. “You deserve everything.”

Frank gave me a soft kiss and I giggled. 

“I want to stay here forever,” I mumbled. 

“Maybe one day when I’m done with college we can move up here,” he said. “We can get a little house and raise a couple of cute little kids.”

I smiled, giving him a kiss. 

“I love you,” I said.

“Are you hungry? We can go to the cafeteria and get some soup,” he said. 

I nodded and followed him to the empty cafeteria. It was nice here too, everything modern and fancy yet relaxed at the same time. We got some soup and sat down at a little high top table in the corner. 

“Try this,” Frank said. 

He fed me a bite of his soup and I smiled. 

“It’s really good,” I said. 

Frank smiled and kissed my cheek. 

“I would offer you some of mine but there’s chicken in it,” I said, looking down at my chicken noodle soup.

“Have you ever tried my mom’s vegetarian chicken noodle soup?” He asked. 

“That’s a thing?” I asked. 

“Yeah, it’s really good, maybe my mom can make it sometime while we’re here,” he said. “My mom used to make it for me when I was younger whenever I got sick. She would take the day off work and we would spend the whole day eating chicken noodle soup and watching cartoons.”

“Your mom is so sweet,” I said. 

Frank nodded. “Sometimes I think it’s just because she feels guilty. When I was younger she dated a guy who didn’t like me and would hit me. She didn’t know it but when she found out she almost killed him, she actually threatened him with a knife and wouldn’t put I down until the police came. And I think that she’s just so guilty about bringing him into my life that she’s always trying to make it up to me.”

“How old were you?” I asked. 

Frank shrugged. “Three or four I think, I can’t really remember it now but my mom has never forgotten.”

“What happened to him?” I asked. 

“He was arrested,” Frank said. “I think he was let out a few years ago but he wouldn’t dare to bother us again or my mom would literally decapitate him.”

“Well, I’m really glad you’re okay,” I said. 

“I’ve still got a little scar on my arm from when he hit me and I felt down and the coffee table scratched me. That’s when my mom found out that he was abusive and ever since then she’s been really protective but also really nice to try and make up for causing me to get abused,” he said. 

I smiled softly, reaching over to hold his hand. 

“This is really nice,” he said, giving my hand a soft squeeze. “I wish that everyday could be like this for us.”

“Me too,” I said. 

Frank smiled, giving me a kiss. 

“God I love you,” he mumbled. 

I giggled happily, my hands on the bowl to help keep them warm. 

“Thank you for bringing me here with you,” I said. “If I was alone I don’t know what I would have done.”

Frank frowned softly as he took both my hands in his. 

“Please, Baby, please don’t cut,” he whispered. “Please stop that. If not for yourself then for me. I-I don’t like seeing you hurt. I just want to help you feel better. Please, Gerard, maybe I can teach you guitar to help you let out your emotions in a more positive way. Or you can use my drum set if you just wanna hit something. M-maybe you can draw or paint or something. Please just don’t hurt yourself, for me?”

Frank looked close to tears as he looked at me. 

“I-I don’t know if I can make that promise,” I mumbled. 

“Then promise to try?” He asked. 

I nodded and Frank wrapped his arms around me. 

“I don’t want anything to happen to you,” he whispered.

I nodded softly, burying my face into the crook of his neck.

“Hey, boys, what are you two doing?” Ms. Iero asked as she walked up.

Frank pulled away as he sniffled quietly.

“W-we just decided to take a break from skiing and grab some lunch,” Frank said, his voice quiet.

“Do you mind if the moms join you or would you rather be alone?” Ms. Iero asked.

“You can join,” Frank said.

They smiled and went to get their own lunch before they sat down with us.

“So, I was thinking that maybe tonight we just make, like, twenty bags of popcorn and we stay up all night long watching movies together and drinking hot chocolate,” Diana said.

Frank looked over, waiting for my opinion on it.

“That sounds like a lot of fun,” I said.

And I was even being honest about it too, I’ve never done anything like that with my mom and Ms. Iero was kind of like a mom to me. Nothing sounded better.

“Yeah, we’ll just wear cozy pajamas and stay up all night eating snacks,” Frank said.

He held my hand underneath the table and I smiled happily.

“I think that sounds absolutely perfect,” Ms. Iero said.

I smiled, squeezing Frank’s hand.

“I’m sure Frank II would love it too and Frank I too but Frank I probably won’t stay up,” Diana said. 

“So many Franks,” I said with a quiet giggle.

“Frank I, Frank II, Frank III,” Diana said with a chuckle.

“I’m technically Frank Jr.,” Frank said. “Why am I junior instead of the third?”

“I don’t know, I just wanted your name to be at least a little bit different than your father’s and you grandfather’s,” Ms. Iero said.

“Frank Iero III has a nice ring to it, I sound fancy,” Frank said.

I giggled as I looked over at him.

“Maybe I would be able to even turn it into a band name,” Frank said. “Maybe...no, okay, everything I’m thinking of just sounds dumb.”

We finished eating and I smiled as we went back out and put all our gear on.

“You wanna go skiing again or do you wanna just head back to the cabin for a hot shower?” He asked.

“I wanna go skiing some more,” I said.

“I told you you would love it,” Frank said. “And don’t worry about our bet, I’ll still suck your dick tonight.”

I giggled and blushed as we went back to the ski lift, going up and down the hill until we were both freezing and soaking wet.


	22. Chapter 22

I smiled over at Frank, the two of us curled up in bed together. I gave him a kiss and he smiled.

“Fuck,” he mumbled. “You’re so beautiful, I love you so much.”

I smiled, resting my head on his chest. 

“Come on, we’ve gotta get out of bed, I have an appointment,” he said.

“Appointment?” I asked in confusion.

“Yeah, at the tattoo parlor in town,” he said. “I get a lot of tattoos there, every year while I’m here I come and get a new one.”

“What are you getting?” I asked.

Frank reached over for the paper on his nightstand. I looked at the little drawing of the spider web and half the heart that said hopeless romantic.

“I think this is perfect for you,” I said.

Frank kissed my forehead and sat up. We got dressed before we went downstairs.

“Hey, I’m taking the car,” Frank said.

“Alright, be careful, make sure you watch out for icy roads,” Ms. Iero said.

We got to the tattoo parlor and Frank talked with the worker before he sat down in a chair. I sat beside him, smiling as I watched him get a tattoo. It made me a little queasy with the needle, I kept expecting it to just go straight through his hand with blood spurting over all of us.

“Hey, Baby, can you go grab the water bottle out of the car?” He asked.

I nodded and went out to grab the water bottle before I came back inside. Frank’s conversations with the artist quickly quieted when I sat down.

“Thank you,” he said.

I held the water bottle for him so he could drink while he got his hands tattooed. It took a lot longer for such a simple tattoo than I really thought, I guess I didn’t really know a lot about tattoos at all.

After a while I just pulled out my phone and played games on it. At one point I actually think I fell asleep with my head on Frank’s shoulder. Frank shook my shoulder and I yawned as I looked up. Frank smiled and gave me a kiss.

“Alright, it’s time to go,” he said.

I yawned, standing up sleepily as he lead me out to the car. He had on a pair of loose gloves as we drove home.

“Why are you covering them?” I asked.

“I’m waiting for all of them to see it at once,” he said.

We got home and I giggled excitedly as we all circled around Frank. He took off his gloves and laid his hands down on the table. I looked at the hopeless romantic tattoo but then looked at his right hand. There was a heart with an arrow going through it and a ribbon that said ‘Gerard’ on it.

“They’re so good!” Ms. Iero cheered.

“Th-that’s me,” I squeaked.

Frank smiled and nodded.

“How’d you do this?” I asked.

“I asked him to do it when you were grabbing the water bottle,” he said.

I nodded slowly and Frank talked a bit more about his tattoos before we went upstairs. 

“Baby, are you okay?” Frank asked. “Are you really upset because because I got your name tattooed on my body?”

“I-I don’t know, it just weirds me out a little I guess,” I mumbled.

Frank sat down on the bed, biting his lip as he looked at his hand.

“Fuck,” Frank muttered.

I whimpered as I sat beside him. I held his hand gently as I looked at the tattoo on his hand.

“It’s really nicely done,” I said.

“But you don’t like it,” Frank mumbled sadly. “I don’t regret it because I love you but at the same time I really do regret it because you hate it so much.”

“I-I don’t hate it,” I said. “I just didn’t know we were at the tattoo phase.”

Frank looked so upset as he pulled hand away. I gave him a soft kiss and smiled.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered.

“No, it’s okay, I understand,” Frank said. “I guess this really was just stupid of me.”

Oh God, why do I always ruin everything?

“So, well, do you think I should get it covered up?” Frank asked.

I shrugged as I looked down. 

“Fuck, I’m so dumb,” he muttered.

“No you aren’t, it’s a sweet gesture,” I said.

“But it was dumb, I should have talked to you about it,” Frank said. “I just thought it would be this big, romantic gesture. Hopeless romantic, you know?” 

I nodded my head, softly kissing his cheek.

“I love you,” he said.

“I love you too,” I said.

I gave him a kiss and he smiled.

“I still feel so stupid,” he mumbled. “I-I’m gonna go take a quick shower.”

I nodded as Frank went out to go to the bathroom. I sniffled, all the happiness I had felt for the past week slowly diminishing from my body. I crawled underneath the blanket, burying my face into the pillow. He was so excited to show me his tattoo and I just broke his heart.

It’s not that I didn’t like it, it was the sweetest thing in the whole world and it made me feel so special. But I knew that Frank wouldn’t really love me in a year’s time and he would regret getting it. He isn’t thinking this through, one day he isn’t going to love me and then he’s going to have to cover my name up with the name of someone else that he actually really loves.

Frank was in the shower for just over a half an hour before he came back. His eyes looked a little puffy as he got dressed. I glanced at the taped coverings on both of his hands. He pulled a hoodie on over his head, pulling on some jeans.

“It’s time for lunch,” Frank said. “My grandpa made this homemade meal from a recipe that’s supposedly been passed down from generation to generation. Personally I think that’s baloney, I think he just found the recipe on the internet once the internet became a thing.”

“I’m not very hungry,” I mumbled.

Frank kneeled beside me, holding my hand.

“Hey, Baby, what’s wrong?” He asked. “B-baby, please, I’m sorry. I thought you were doing so much better, please be better.”

He ran his fingers through my hair, his eyes watering.

“I love you,” he said..

“C-can I just be alone for a little bit?” I asked.

“Are you sure?” Frank asked.

No.

“Yes,” I said.

Frank gave me a soft kiss before he left the room. I pulled the blanket up to my chin, turning to face the wall. I closed my eyes, trying my best to just forget everything. I just wanted to be happy again, I really thought I could make it this time. But of course that’s not how my life works, my life can never work that way. I was never going to be happy because I was just going to fuck everything up for the rest of my life.

I sniffled as I looked down at my wrist. I-I wanted to, I needed to. I fucked everything up again, I broke Frank’s heart and even ruined my own happiness. But I did make a promise to try and I already broke Frank’s heart once today I was going to at least try today.

I cried quietly into the pillow, pulling the blanket up over my head. I could hear voices from downstairs all talking and laughing. Soon enough Frank came upstairs, setting something on the nightstand before he ran his fingers through my hair. I pretended to be asleep and he kissed the top of my head before he left the room.

“He hates the tattoo,” I heard Frank say outside of the room. “I-I think it just kinda scared him. Do you think this was a bad idea? Oh god, I shouldn’t have done this. I should have talked to him first, right?”

“It is romantic,” Ms. Iero said. “But you’ve already sort of had a thing for jumping the gun, especially when it came to romance and love. When you were younger and the prince didn’t get the princess within the first ten minutes of the movie you started crying. When you were six you told a girl you loved her and proposed to her with a flower five minutes after you met her. When you were thirteen you believed you met the love of your life your first year in middle school and then dated for two weeks before never talking to each other.”

Even Ms. Iero doesn’t think we’re meant to be together.

“So you don’t think Gerard and I are going to last?” Frank asked.

“No, I’m not saying that, I really do think you two are actually meant to be,” she said. “But you’ve just got so many emotions and one of the greatest things about you is your passion. Your passion for art and music and the sweetest boy in the entire world. You love him so much and you’re so passionate about your love. But sometimes your love can be a little overwhelming with all of your passion.”

“You think it was a bad idea for me to get this tattoo?” He asked.

“It was maybe a little bit fast,” Ms. Iero said. “But I do think that he’s the one, I think you’re going to be together forever. I really hope so, I can’t wait until I get to be at your wedding.”

“Alright, I-I’m gonna go see if he’s awake now,” he said. “Thank you, mom, love you.”

Frank walked back in and laid down behind me. I debated whether or not to let him know I was awake before I turned around in his arms.

“Hey, did you have a nice nap?” Frank asked and I nodded. “Are you alright?”

I nodded my head and he gently caressed my cheek.

“I’m sorry for the tattoo, I realized that maybe I got it a little bit fast,” he said. “But all I know is that I love you and I just want to jump in headfirst because I guess that’s just the way I work, all or nothing.”

I nodded softly and he kissed my cheek.

“Alright, I brought some food for you, you need something before we leave in an hour,” he said.

“Do we have to go back?” I asked sadly.

Frank nodded and I looked at the plate of food as we sat up.

“I’m not very hungry,” I mumbled.

Frank seemed to ignore me as he took a spoonful and held it out to my mouth. I looked at him for a moment, taking a small bite. Frank fed me my food until half of it was gone and I finally just pushed the plate away. We got our things packed up into bags before we got loaded into the car. 

I slept the entire way home cuddled up in Frank’s arms in the backseat. When we got back I opened my front door, dropping my bags down. There were footsteps and my heart stopped when I saw my mom. 

“Where the fuck were you at?!”


	23. Chapter 23

I really didn’t think my mom would even notice me gone at all. I looked over at my mom, dropping my bag down. She looked furious as she stepped closing, a looming sense of doom and despair around her. My heart was poundings I shrunk back into myself, wanting nothing more than to just run out the door and into Frank’s arms instead. I wanted to be with him where I felt safe and happy. 

“Where the fuck were you?” She asked. 

“I-I—” I squeaked. “I was just—I was—I didn’t—I wasn’t—Jamia’s! I-I was at Jamia’s!”

“You’re still talking to that pathetic fat ass?” She asked. 

I bit my lip as I looked at her. 

“Or were you with the fag next door?” She asked. 

I whimpered, looking in the direction of Frank’s house. 

“Please tell me that you aren’t a fucking fag,” she said. “Not only did I raise an ungrateful, selfish, pathetic son, he’s also a fag.”

Yeah right, like _you_ actually raised me. 

Now if only I had the confidence to say that out loud. 

“You’re Fucking disgusting,” she spat. 

She pushed me back against the wall and I whimpered. A sharp slap landed on my cheek and I cried out softly as I cowered against the wall. My stomach dropped as fear washed over me. 

“P-please,” I whimpered. 

“You’re such a Fucking Baby,” she complained. “I thought I finally grew out of all your whining and crying but when the accident happened you were all obnoxious again.”

“M-my dad and baby brother died,” I whispered. “I needed you, you were my mom and I was a kid.”

“You’re pathetic,” she said. “You’re father was right, I should have aborted you.”

“Dad would never say that,” I denied. 

“Donald isn’t your father,” she said. “It was some truck driver and we did it while high on ecstasy.”

I shook my head, turning around as I ran out of the house. I looked towards Frank but shook my head. He already hated me because of the whole tattoo thing, I couldn’t go to him. I walked down on the street and sat on the curb before calling Jamia. 

“C-can you pick me up?” I whimpered. 

“Of course, what’s wrong?” She asked. 

“Everything,” I mumbled before hanging up. 

She picked me up, driving me back to her house. I flopped down onto her bed as I buried my face into her pillow. 

“What’s wrong?” She asked. “Do you want some food? Are you hungry?”

I shook my head, letting out a sob.

“Gee, what happened?” Jamia asked, laying down beside me as she wrapped an arm around me.

“I-I thought it was supposed to be happy,” I whimpered. “Everything is ruined again. Frank hates me now because I broke his heart and I-I just found out that my dad isn’t even my dad.”

“What are you talking about?” She asked.

“Frank, w-we went up to his family’s cabin and he got a tattoo of my name on his body,” I said. “And I kind of told him that I didn’t like it.”

“Why would you do that?” Jamia asked. “He tattooed your name onto his own body. It’s completely permanent and you just dissed it.”

“I know, I already feel bad enough,” I said. “I was just fucking stupid. I think it just freaked me out a bit because he didn’t talk to me about it first, it was just supposed to be a surprise for me and it kinda wigged me out.”

“I’m sure he understands,” Jamia said. “Maybe it isn’t too bad, maybe once you get used to it then it won’t seem so shocking.”

I nodded softly, resting her head on my shoulder.

“Now, what about your dad?” Jamia asked.

“Apparently my dad isn’t even my real dad,” I mumbled. “My dad is actually apparently some trucker guy who got high with my mom and he ended up knocking her up and when she got pregnant he wanted her to abort me.”

“How do you know she’s even telling the truth?” She asked.

“Why would she ever feel the need to lie?” I asked.

Jamia shrugged, holding me tight.

“I feel like it’s been forever since I’ve seen you,” I mumbled.

“Me too,” she agreed. “And now there’s just a week still off of school. Finally just a week off school for peace.”

“What have you been up to?” I asked. “I haven’t talked to you in forever. I bet your life is going a lot better than mine.”

“Well, I think I kinda met someone,” she said.

I looked over at her in shock.

“You met someone?” I asked.

“Yeah, he’s in college,” she said. “He’s nineteen, almost twenty, and he’s so cute and sweet. He’s majoring in engineering and he’s super smart.”

“How are the girls?” I asked.

“Well, they haven’t been very great, they stopped bothering me for a little bit when it got a lot worse again,” she said quietly.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked.

“Just because you were going through a lot yourself and I didn’t want to burden you with any of my dumb shit,” she said.

“Your shit isn’t dumb,” I said.

Jamia chuckled softly and kissed my cheek.

“I love you,” I mumbled, snuggling up close to her. “Can I stay the night here? I’m too scared to go home. My mom is pissed because I went away with Frank for a week and her being drunk and high really doesn’t help my situation at all. She was sober this time, I don’t know whether she’s scarier when she’s sober or when she’s wasted.”

“Of course you’re staying here,” she said. “You can stay here whenever you want.”

I nodded, pulling the blanket up to my chin.

“So, what was the tattoo?” Jamia asked as she crawled underneath the blanket with me.

“It’s a tattoo of a heart on his hand with an arrow going through it and my name over it,” I said.

“That’s really adorable,” she said. “I can’t wait until I get to see it. We should all hang out again, all three of us. We haven’t really done that since you two started dating other than that time on Halloween. The three of us should go out to the movies and then get some ice cream. Or maybe some coffee so it’s warm.”

I nodded my head, wrapping my arms around her so I could snuggle up close to her. I closed my eyes, slowly falling asleep in her arms. 

When I woke up it was close to midnight and I looked up at Jamia as she sat on her phone. I held her hand, resting my head in her shoulder. 

“You feeling better now,” she asked, setting her phone down to run her fingers through my hair. 

I just shrugged, sniffling quietly. 

“You wanna invite Frank over,” she asked. 

“No, Frank is mad at me,” I said. “With the tattoo thing and all, it’s just been kind of weird between us. D-do you think Frank would break up with me because I didn’t like the tattoo?”

“No, he got that tattoo because he loves you,” Jamia said. “And you love him too and soon this whole tattoo thing is just going to go away. I’m sure the tattoo is beautiful and soon you’ll grow to love it too.”

I nodded, closing my eyes. 

“I thought I could actually be happy for once,” I mumbled. “I-I was so stupid.”

“No, you aren’t stupid, you’re definitely not stupid just for wanting to be happy,” she said. “One day you are going to be happy. You’re going to be really, truly happy with Frank. You two are gonna get a little house and get married and adopt some cute kids and grow old together.”

I shook my head. That’s never going to happen because Frank is going to fall in love with someone else and leave me as a broken mess. 

“Gerard, Frank loves you more than anything else in the world,” Jamia said. “He would stand by you no matter what. And I wasn’t supposed to tell you but he isn’t mad at you about the whole tattoo thing, he’s throwing a surprise date for you.”

“Surprise date?” I asked.

“Yes, he was asking me about what your favorite dinner was and some of your favorite snacks to eat while watching movies,” she said. “He’s really sweet, Gerard. Have you told him about any of this shit with your mom yet?”

I shook my head. “I just ran straight to your house. I-I really didn’t even think Frank would want to see me. I thought that he was still upset at me for the tattoo thing.”

“He isn’t,” Jamia said. “He’s still a little upset that you don’t like the tattoo but he understands that it probably scared you a little bit because he didn’t talk to you about it beforehand. But he’s fine, really, he loves his tattoo and he says that that’s the only thing that matters because he loves you so much.”

“When did he tell you all of this?” I asked.

“While you were asleep he texted me,” she said. “When you ran to my house he saw you out his window and he wanted to make sure you were okay. He wanted to follow you but he decided not to because he thought you were upset with him for getting the tattoo and he didn’t want to upset you more by being too clingy and following you or anything. He wasn’t sure whether or not to give you space so he texted me to make sure you were with me and he asked how you were doing.”

“Did you tell him about my mom and what happened?” I asked.

“No, I figured that it was your place to tell, not mine,” she said.

“Thank you,” I said.

She smiled and nodded, running her fingers through my hair. 

“You think you wanna go call him now?” Jamia asked. “I know that he would really like to see you and hear from you, he’s worried about you.”

“I’ll talk to him tomorrow, he’s probably asleep by now,” I said.

Jamia nodded and I snuggled up close to her as I fell asleep.


	24. Chapter 24

I looked at Frank as he let me into his house. I smiled softly as I looked at the dim lights and candles everywhere.

“Welcome to dinner and a movie at casa de Iero,” he said.

I smiled softly as we went to the table and he pulled the chair out for me. I sat down, watching as he sat across from me.

“I made my special, pizza rolls with chips on the side,” he said.

I giggled softly, looking at my plate.

“And to drink I stole a bit of my mom’s wine,” he said. “But don’t tell her that. We also have some ice cream for dessert, which we will eat while we’re on the couch watching the movie.”

“Why are you doing all of this?” I asked quietly.

“Because I love you,” he said. “And we’ve never really been able to go on a real date so I made this for us so we can go on our first date. We had homecoming but I mean that I ended up going a little shitty at first but I want this one to just go perfectly. I promise I will make this the most perfect date for you ever.”

I smiled softly, reaching across the table to hold his hand.

“I love you too,” I said.

“How have you been?” He asked. “It’s been a few days since I’ve seen you.”

“I’ve been fine,” I said.

“No you haven’t,” he said. “Please, Baby, please talk to me.”

“Frank, I-I don’t want to talk about it,” I said.

“It can help you feel better,” he insisted. “If you want I won’t even say anything, I’ll just keep my mouth shut and let you get it all off your chest.”

“I don’t wanna ruin this night,” I whispered.

“You won’t ruin it, I just want to make sure you’re okay,” he said, giving my hand a soft squeeze. “Nothing could ever ruin this night for us. Now, tell me what’s wrong, Gerard.”

I sighed softly. “Well, my mom found out I had snuck away with you for Christmas. Sh-she was so fucking pissed at me. Thankfully I haven’t seen her much since then because she’s gone off to get high again but I know she’s gonna come back and I’m going to have to see her again and I just don’t want that, I don’t want it ever. And I learned that my dad isn’t even my dad. M-my mom got knocked up by some dirty trucker while she was high. 

“I didn’t even know that she did drugs before my dad died, I thought she just started after the accident. She must’ve only done it occasionally before because I had never even noticed anything but after they died she must’ve gotten worse and just started doing drugs all the time. I-I just remember her being a great mom when I was little. I remember loving her and I remember her tucking me into bed and reading me stories and singing me songs. I-I really miss my old mom, the mom I had before my dad and brother died.”

Frank’s thumb ran over the back of my hand as I sniffled.

“You want me to say something or do you just want to rant?” Frank asked.

“I-I don’t even really know anymore,” I mumbled.

Frank smiled and squeezed my hand.

“Advice then,” he said. “It doesn’t matter if your dad is biologically your dad or not. He is still your dad. He was there for you to change your diapers and hold you when you cried at night. He was there when you were sick and he was there for your school plays and parent-teacher conferences. He was there when you first learned to ride a bike and when you first learned how to ride a bike. He taught you to play catch and helped you with your homework. He cared for you, he loved you. Being a father isn’t just about DNA, he is your dad.”

My eyes watered as I looked at him.

“W-was that bad?” Frank asked nervously.

I shook my head, sniffling as I leaned over to give him a kiss.

“I love you,” I said. “Oh God, I love you so much.”

I moved over, sitting on his lap as I tangled my hands into his hair. Frank cursed quietly, holding my hips as he pulled me closer. I took his hand and brought him upstairs to his bedroom. I pushed him down against the bed and straddled his hips. 

“Fuck,” he muttered, tangling his hands into my hair to pull me down to him. 

I pulled his shirt off, tossing it aside.

“You’re so fucking pretty,” Frank muttered, his hands running down my sides affectionately.

I smiled down at him, pulling my shirt up and over my head. I kissed down his chest and I watched the way he bit his lip as I got lower and lower.

“Fuck,” he breathed out as I unbuckled his belt.

I pulled off his jeans and boxers, my hand moving to wrap around his semi-hard erection. I ran my tongue up along his underside, stroking him quickly until he was fully hard. I moved up and pressed my hips against his, kissing him roughly. Frank pulled off my pants, pushing me over onto my back. His hips rocked down against mine as I let out a soft moan.

Frank reached over into the nightstand, pulling out a bottle of lube and a condom. He spread lube over his fingers, slowly pushing one into me. I whimpered quietly, closing my eyes. I bit my lip when he added a second, feeling the slight bite of the stretch. He kissed along my chest and neck and I whined when he sucked just below my jaw.

“Fuck, Frank,” I whined. “Please, I-I need you inside me.”

Frank pulled his fingers out, opening the condom to roll it onto himself. He spread lube over his erection as he moaned softly. Frank pulled my legs up over his shoulders, lining himself up to push in slowly. I whimpered, my hands tangling into his hair.

“Fuck, a-are you okay?” Frank asked, pausing halfway.

I nodded my head, begging for him to just keep going. He bottomed out, moaning as he pushed into me slowly. That aching inside me was building up, twisting and burning.

“Frank, oh god, Frank,” I moaned. 

One of my legs slipped down into the crook of his arm and I gasped softly. Frank hit my prostate and I cried out, gently pulling on his hair.

“Right there!” I gasped.

I moaned, pulling him closer to me. Our bodies rocked together as the headboard gently hit against the wall with rhythmic thumping. A thin layer of sweat began to form on both our skins, my heart racing nearly out of my chest.

“Fuck, o-oh fuck, Frank,” I whimpered.

He kissed me roughly before just resting his forehead against mine. He panted heavily as he kept snapping his hips into me.

“Fuck, I love you,” Frank muttered. “I love you so much. You’re so fucking perfect.”

Frank rocked into me, slowly picking up his pace. I moaned, my head falling back as I gasped.

“Fuck, Frank,” I muttered.

Frank bit his lip, burying his face into the crook of my neck. I moaned, my hands clutching onto the blanket. I whined, closing my eyes. Frank was moaning softly, kissing along my neck.

“Fuck, I-I’m close,” I muttered. 

I moaned, trying to pull him closer to me. I whimpered, feeling the pleasure course throughout my body. I gasped, moaning loudly. Frank’s hand wrapped around my erection and my hips snapped up. I moaned, my legs shaking lightly.

“Oh God, oh fuck,” I muttered. “I-I’m gonna come, I’m so close.”

“Me too,” Frank mumbled.

I could feel the burning pleasure inside of me, wanting nothing more than to just be pushed over the edge into pure bliss. Frank stroked me faster, moving his hips quickly until I cried out. Ecstasy washed over me as I came in his hand, my back arching off the mattress. I let out a broken moan, pulling him closer to me.

“Fuck,” he muttered.

He thrust a few more times before he came inside me, moving shallowly to work us both through our orgasms before he pulled out. He tied up the condom and threw it away before he cuddled up with me.

“Well, I was planning this moment later on in the night,” he muttered.

I smiled resting my head on his chest.

“I say we stay naked in bed eating ice cream and watching movies,” I suggested.

“That sounds so perfect,” he agreed. “I’ll be right back, can you grab my laptop? Put on any movie you want.”

I smiled as he left, my eyes drifting down to his ass until he was out of sight. I went to his desk and grabbed his laptop before crawling back under the blanket. I turned on Netflix and smiled as I put on a movie that seemed interesting. Frank came back with two bowls of ice cream as he sat beside me. He wrapped an arm around me shoulders and I smiled as he pulled me close to him.

We watching the movie in the dark room together as it began to get late. Soon I felt myself drifting off into sleep as he ran his fingers through my hair, both our empty bowls discarded onto the nightstand. I smiled softly as I felt his warm body against mine, my head resting on his chest.

“Hey, a-are you okay?” Frank asked nervously.

“Yeah, I am,” I said.

“Are you sure?” Frank asked. “You know I want nothing more than for you to just be happy. Do you wanna go see your therapist again soon? I-I know you haven’t seen him in a while.”

“Frank, I don’t really wanna talk about any of that right now,” I mumbled.

Frank nodded, holding my hand.

“Alright, but you can come to me if you ever do need to talk about it,” he said.

“I know,” I mumbled.

I hugged him tight, falling asleep in his arms.


	25. Chapter 25

“Hey, I’m new here,” someone said. “Do you know where my fourth hour is?”

“Yeah, it’s down the hall but you go to lunch first,” I said.

“Oh, do you think that I could sit with you?” He asked.

“Yeah,” I said. “I’m Gerard.”

“I’m Patrick,” he said.

I smiled and lead him to my table. Frank smiled when he saw me and I sat beside him so he was between me and Jamia.

“This is Patrick, he’s new here,” I said.

“Really? Where do you live?” Jamia asked.

“Um, I live near that one Chinese restaurant,” Patrick said. “I’m from Chicago.”

“I just moved here recently too,” Frank said. “I live right next door to Gee, actually.”

“What a coincidence,” Patrick said with a small chuckle.

“Chicago is pretty cool, why’d you move here?” Jamia asked. 

“My dad’s work, it really sucks because it’s senior year,” Patrick said. “But I guess I’ve only got a few months here so I don’t think it should be too bad.”

“It’s not too bad here,” Frank said. “I know I was pretty pissed about moving here during senior year too but it’s pretty nice here.”

Jamia and I looked at each other because we knew that for us it really wasn’t nice here. It was complete shit and sometimes I can’t even get out of bed in the morning. Frank tries to understand, I know he does. But he just doesn’t understand and he can’t understand. Because Frank is attractive, he’s smooth on his feet and is charismatic. He’s got everything to be successful and happy in life and he’ll never really be able to feel what I feel every single day. 

“You want half my cookie?” Frank asked.

I shook my head but he still broke the cookie in half and handed it to me. I ate quietly as I looked around. 

“You’re really gonna eat _all_ of that?” Hayley asked with a snicker.

Jamia looked down at her sandwich, setting it down sadly. 

“I mean, if she wanted to be pretty you’d think she would stop being a pig,” we heard Hayley say to Lindsey while they walked off. 

“Don’t listen to them, Mia, it’s just a little sandwich,” I said. 

“I-I’m not very hungry,” she mumbled. 

I frowned softly, reaching over to give her hand a soft squeeze before I pulled away. 

“Who was that?” Patrick asked. 

“Just some bitch who goes here,” Frank said. “I would recommend staying very far away from her and her group of friends. Her friends are just as bad as her because they’re just trying to fuck the guys while using their hot bodies to take down other girls.”

“Hot bodies?” I asked as I looked at Frank. 

“I mean, not as hot as your body,” Frank said. 

My eyes widened as I glanced at Frank. 

“I mean that’s a joke,” Frank said. “I’m not calling you ugly I just—oh fuck.”

Frank shoved his half of his cookie in his mouth as he looked down.

“Okay, anyways,” Patrick said. “Other than that how are the kids here?”

“Not much better,” I mumbled.

Frank reached to hold my hand underneath the table but I pulled it away.

“Anyways,” I said, “Is this your first day?”

“First day at school but I moved here last week,” Patrick said. “When did you say you moved here, Frank?”

“Near the beginning of the school year, I think it was just a few weeks after the school year started,” Frank said. “So I didn’t miss too much thankfully and I wasn’t the only new kid started the year I just started a few weeks after most people.”

“This is the first time I’ve ever moved and I was really nervous,” Patrick admitted. “I wish that I could move back to Chicago honestly, I really liked the apartment we lived in. It’s weird just living in a house, it’s so quiet all the time here. I’m so use to hearing the cars on the streets and the couple in the floor above us always arguing before bed. It was nice there, I liked it.”

“I’ve been there once, we only went on the touristy things, though,” Frank said.

Lunch ended and I sighed as I walked to class. Frank pulled me into one of the bathrooms, locking the door as the bell for class rang.

“What’s wrong?” Frank asked.

“Nothing’s wrong,” I said.

“Baby, come on, please,” he said.

I just shrugged and he wrapped his arms around me, giving me a soft kiss.

“I love you,” he said.

“I know, I love you too,” I said quietly.

“Do you wanna skip the rest of class?” He asked.

I smiled and nodded, holding his hand. Frank lead us out of the school and back towards his house.

“Do you wanna go to see your therapist?” Frank asked. “I can call my mom so she can find out if he’s open right now.”

“No, I think I just kind of want to go home and take a nap,” I said.

Frank nodded and fifteen minutes later we were at his house. I curled up in his bed, closing my eyes as I felt the drowsiness quickly take over so I fell asleep.

“Oh, I’ve gotta go, he’s waking up,” I heard Frank whispered.

I stirred softly, looking up at him. He sat beside me on the bed as he ran his fingers through my hair. He hung up his phone and I yawned, holding his hand.

“Who were you talking to?” I mumbled sleepily.

“Jamia,” he said.

“About what?” I asked.

“Nothing, j-just about a tv show we saw,” he said.

He’s lying.

“Okay,” I mumbled.

“Baby, are you okay?” Frank asked.

“Yeah, I am,” I said. “I’m just kind of tired is all. I didn’t really get a lot of sleep last night.”

“Are you sure that’s all?” Frank asked.

No.

“Yes,” I lied.

Frank nodded, wrapping his arms around me as we were both silent. I glanced up at him and saw a small frown on his lips. There was something...something different. There was something different between us. We were so close, our bodies pressed together but I feel like we’ve never been so far apart.

I glanced down at the tattoo on his hand as I bit my lip. He still wasn’t quite sure what to go about it. He wasn’t sure whether he should just keep it or get it removed or get it covered up with a different tattoo. He liked it but he just knew how I felt about it. I don’t know why but it just made me feel so uncomfortable every time I looked at it. 

Maybe Frank didn’t love me like he said he did. Maybe he used to love me but I’ve just put him off so much that he doesn’t love me anymore, at least not the same way that he used to. Maybe now he’s only sticking around try and fix me because he thinks that he owes me or something. He doesn’t love me, he’s just sticking around to try and fix me so that way he doesn’t feel guilty when I end up killing myself.

“Hey, Gerard, I didn’t know you were here,” Ms. Iero said when she opened the door.

“Hi,” I said quietly.

“Are you staying for dinner?” She asked.

“Yeah, he is,” Frank answered.

She smiled and left and Frank kissed my forehead.

“What do you think of Patrick?” I asked.

“He seems pretty nice,” Frank said. “Reminds me a little bit of nice with the way I followed you around like a lost puppy on the first day of school.”

“Well, I guess a lot of new people just happen to run into me,” I said.

“Well, I don’t think we were just a coincidence, we were fate,” he said. “I remember the exact moment I walked out of my front door and I just saw you there walking to school. You had your headphones in, you didn’t even notice me. I thought that you just looked so pretty. You seemed so focused on your music, you really loved it. You looked so content and peaceful. I couldn’t quite believe that I got to live right next to you. I was so nervous to talk to you but then I finally did at it was the best decision in my whole life.”

“You don’t mean that,” I mumbled.

“Yes, I do,” he said. “I really mean it, I love you so much. I love seeing your face everyday, you make my day a million times better. The second I see you my whole day just brightens.”

I looked down sadly, shaking my head.

“Yes, I mean it,” he said.

Frank leaned down, giving me a soft kiss.

“I never wanna leave this bed,” I whispered.

“Neither do I,” he replied.

My eyes watered as I looked at him.

“Frank, I-I don’t want to go to school,” I said. “I just wanna drop out. Seeing those people everyday is killing me from the inside out. They’re just torturous.”

“Well, there’s only a few more months left, maybe you can just keep going,” he said. “You’re so strong, Baby.”

“You have more confidence in me than I have in myself,” I said quietly.

“Besides, you’re not eighteen and you would need a parent’s permission, which your mother would never allow,” he said. “And by the time you turn eighteen there’s only a few more weeks, only about four because seniors leave early.”

“I guess,” I mumbled.

I just...I just don’t know if I can make it.

“And I promise that I am going to be here every second,” he said. “Whenever you need me I’ll be there for you if you just need a shoulder to cry on or you need me to beat someone up for you. I’ll be there for you whenever you want.”

“Thank you, Frank,” I said quietly. “I-I just don’t wanna be a bother to you.”

“You’re not a bother,” he said. “I love you so much.”

I sniffled, curling up close to him as I closed my eyes.


	26. Chapter 26

I laid in Frank’s arms, watching the tv with him. We hadn’t said anything to each other in nearly two hours now. It was just silent other than the ambient noise of the tv that almost seemed like background noise compared to the copious amounts of thoughts that swirled throughout my mind like a tornado trying to destroy everything. 

Frank doesn’t love me, not like he used to, at least. Our relationship has become strained as my mental health deteriorates exponentially. It was no longer a loving relationship between two people, now it was just Frank taking care of me. It was like doing a task you didn’t want to do, you grow to resent that thing. 

Frank was growing to resent me. 

I didn’t deserve any of the attention that he gave me. And Frank didn’t deserve to have to be put through taking care of me as though I was just a child. He should go on to do better things and just forget about me because I’m going to just hold him back while he does so many amazing things with his life. 

I looked down at my wrists to my healing cuts. They seemed so dark and crude against my pale skin. I haven’t cut in a while now, not since that time Frank found me and pulled me into the shower. Wow, it’s been almost a month now since the last time I cut. I think that’s the longest that I’ve ever been clean.

My phone rang and I saw it was Jamia calling me. I frowned softly because it was already ten at night, she doesn’t usually call me this late at night.

“Hello?” I asked.

“Can I come over?” Jamia asked, excitement laced within her voice.

“Yeah,” I said.

I barely had time to finish my acceptance before she hung up.

“Who was that?” Frank asked.

“Jamia,” I said. “She’s coming over and she’s apparently really excited about something.”

It was barely ten minutes before she came over and joined us on the couch.

“Okay, so I was just on a date with my boyfriend and it was so amazing,” she said. 

“What’s his name?” I asked.

“His name is Andy Biersack,” she said. “He’s so sweet. Tonight he took me out to a fancy dinner and he got me flowers and a pretty bracelet. I loved it so much. He’s the sweetest person ever. And then we went back to his frat house and we did it for the first time. I was so scared that it would hurt, I always hear from girls about how it hurts but he was so sweet and gentle, it didn’t hurt at all. It was so perfect, he even had the candles and flower petals on the bed and everything.”

“Really? Oh, it sounds so perfect,” I said. 

“I want you to meet him, you two to should go on a double date with us one night,” she said.

“That sounds like a lot of fun,” Frank agreed.

“No, I-I don’t want to,” I said quietly.

“I promise that he’s sweet,” she said.

“It’s not Andy that’s the problem, it’s me,” Frank mumbled.

“I’m sorry,” I said quietly as I looked down.

“It’s okay, really, I know how you feel about PDA and things like that,” Frank said. “I just kinda wish I could hold your hand in front of other people. Or even look at you without you getting worried.”

I frowned as he reached over to hold my hand.

“I love you,” he said. “I love you and I just want to scream it to the world.”

“I know,” I said quietly.

Frank gave my hand a soft squeeze.

“We don’t have to go as a double date,” Jamia said. “Maybe we can just hang out at my house one day. Then you two can meet him. He also said something about how his frat house is throwing a party and he wants me to come and he told me I can bring any of my friends.”

“A-A college party?” I asked nervously.

“Awesome, I would love to go,” Frank said.

“It’s this friday, you two can meet him there,” she said.

“Okay, I’m in,” Frank said.

“I-I don’t know,” I said nervously. “It isn’t really my kind of thing. I mean, a-a college party?”

“You don’t have to go,” Frank said quietly.

“I don’t know, I guess I’ll just think about it,” I said.

“Thank you,” Jamia said. “You don’t have to go.”

She squeezed my hand and I laid my head on her shoulder. 

“What does he look like?” I asked.

“He’s really tall, like over six feet,” she said. “He’s six foot four.”

“Really?” I gasped.

Frank frowned softly. 

“Height doesn’t matter,” he muttered.

“And he’s got a lot of tattoos and black hair and these most beautiful blue eyes,” she said. “Oh my god, he’s eyes are so beautiful I can stare into them for hours. They’re like these beautiful diamonds. Here, I have a picture.”

She showed me a picture of the two of them smiling and I gasped.

“He’s gorgeous!” I gasped.

“He’s okay,” Frank mumbled.

“I know, he has the most perfect face I have ever seen,” Jamia said. “He is way out of my league.”

“I think he has his own league,” I said.

“He’s not _that_ good looking,” Frank said.

“Frank, are you even looking at him?” I asked. “You’re gorgeous too, Baby, you don’t have to get jealous.”

Frank frowned softly as Jamia showed us more pictures.

“How is he in bed?” I asked.

“Oh, he is amazing,” Jamia said. “He was just so gentle and sweet and passionate. And he even made sure I orgasmed twice before he finished.”

“Really? That’s amazing,” I said.

“Hey, I make sure you orgasm first,” Frank defended quietly.

I nodded before quickly turning my attention back to Jamia.

“Okay but what does he do after sex?” I asked. “He didn’t just fall asleep, did he?”

“No, he held me in his arms and cuddled me and he kept whispering about why he was so great,” she said. “He told me I could stay the night and I wish I could but I have to be somewhere early tomorrow, I have to drive my brother to some karate tournament that he’s in so I had to leave during the day. We just cuddled and talked and oh my god he is so perfect.”

“He sounds pretty perfect,” I said before glancing over at Frank. “You’re perfect too.”

Frank just pouted quietly as she showed us more pictures.

“Wow,” I muttered when I saw one of him shirtless.

“I can’t wait for you two to meet him, he’s so nice,” she said. “And first I thought he was going to be douchey because he’s in a fraternity but he’s so sweet.”

“How did you two meet?” I asked.

“I was at the college campus looking around because that’s where I’m going and I happened to run into him,” she said. “He took me out to get coffee and we talked for a long time before I had to leave. He told me that next year he isn’t going to live in the frat house and he’s gonna get an apartment just off of campus. I have to live in the dorms for the first year but he told me that my sophomore year of college I can go and live with him in the apartment.”

“That’s so amazing,” I said.

“Rutgers doesn’t require freshman to live on campus so I’m gonna get Gerard and I an apartment to live in,” Frank said. “We can probably move in during August or July.”

Oh, that’s so sweet,” Jamia said. “You two are gonna be such a cute couple living together.”

“I know, the cutest couple in the whole apartment complex,” Frank said, kissing my cheek.

“Maybe we can even live in the same complex!” She gasped. “It’ll be just like in Friends! Our apartments can be right across from each other!”

I gave Frank a kiss, holding his hand.

“That would be so much fun,” I said.

“I think that you guys are going to love Andy,” Jamia said. “He’s so nice and funny.”

“How long have you two been dating?” I asked.

“I don’t know, over a month now,” she said. “He even got me a one month anniversary present! He got me a little teddy bear and a box of chocolates and it was so sweet, he just surprised me with them.”

“Oh, you’re so lucky,” I said.

“Hey, Baby, I’ve gotta go, I’m heading to church in the morning,” Frank said. 

“Alright, bye, I’ll talk to you later,” I said. 

frank gave me a soft kiss before walking off. As soon as I heard the front door shut I turned to Jamia. 

“I think Frank and I are going to break up,” I said. 

“What are you talking about?” Jamia asked. “Frank is completely head over heels for you.”

“Things have just been different between us ever since winter break when he got that damn tattoo,” I said. “It’s just different, we’re different. It’s like we’re right next to each other but there’s a brick wall between us.”

“No, you two can’t just break up, you’re perfect for each other,” she said. “And you two are gonna get married and live until you can meet your great-grandchildren. 

“I used to think that too but I don’t think it’s gonna happen,” I mumbled. “It’s just changed between us. I don’t know what exactly has changed but it has. I think Frank is starting to resent me because he always has to take care of me and I’ve become more of an obligation and a chore than anything.”

“Gee, Frank loves you so much and he loves taking care of you,” Jamia said. “He isn’t going to break up with you, he wants to spend the rest of his life with you.”

“He says that now but once he experiences it he’ll realize how wrong he is,” I mumbled. 

“Gee, that’s just your anxiety talking, you know that frank loves you unconditionally,” Jamia said. 

“Yeah, I used to think that but I’m not too sure anymore,” I said. 

Jamia opened her arms and I sniffled as I fell into them, crying into her shoulder.


	27. Chapter 27

I followed Jamia into the frat house as the party was in full swing. People around us were drinking and laughing and shouting. I looked at Frank nervously as we went out to the backyard. People out here were doing a kegstand and there was a big bonfire.

“Andy!” Jamia cheered.

Andy walked over, smiling happily with a red solo cup in his hand. He leaned down, giving Jamia a soft kiss.

“Hey, Beautiful, I almost thought you weren’t gonna show,” he said.

“We were running a bit late, I couldn’t find shoes to match my outfit,” she said.

“Well, you look absolutely gorgeous,” Andy said. “Hey, I’m Andy.”

“Frank,” my boyfriend said, his chest puffed out slightly as they shook hands

“Wow, are you Mia’s ex or something?” Andy asked. “You seem quite protective and if not for Jamia then for him.”

“Oh, uh Frank just has a sort of jealousy problem,” Jamia said.

“What is he jealous of?” He asked.

Jamia looked at me and I shook my head.

“I’m just jealous of there being a new man in Jamia’s life because she’s one of my best friends and I just want her to be safe and happy,” Frank said.

We all knew that he was jealous of Andy because of what we talked about when Jamia first came over.

“I promise I’ll take good care of her,” Andy said. “And you must be Gerard, I’ve heard a lot about you.”

I shook his hand and he smiled.

“You three want a drink?” Andy asked. “There’s kegs around and there’s a cooler by the backdoor with other drinks.”

“Anything that’s not alcoholic?” Frank asked.

“Uh, there might be some pop in the fridge but probably not,” Andy said. 

I went to the cooler and grabbed a beer from the pile of drinks that was surrounded by ice..

“Are you sure about that?” Frank asked.

I ignored him, taking the cap off to take a drink. We sat by Jamia and Andy near the bonfire and I glanced at Jamia’s red solo cup no doubt filled with alcohol.

“You’re not drinking, Frank?” Andy asked.

“No, I guess I’m the designated driver,” Frank said.

“Well, you two can just crash here if you want,” Andy offered. “I’ve got a fold out couch in my room you two can sleep on.”

“Not together,” I said quickly.

“It’s okay for two guys to share a bed together,” he said. “It doesn’t have to be gay or anything to share a bed.”

“W-we won’t share a bed,” I said.

Frank looked down sadly, playing with the hem of his shirt.

“Well, you two are still free to crash here if you want,” Andy said. “We’ve also got a bunch of couches in the basement but some other people might be crashing down there too. I don’t know, I just want you guys to have fun because you’re Jamia’s best friends. I feel like I’m meeting her parents and trying to impress you guys.”

“You’re so cute,” Jamia muttered.

“You’re even cuter,” Andy said. “And you are the most beautiful girl here.”

Jamia giggled as Andy kissed her cheek.

“You two are so cute,” I muttered as I smiled. 

“Hey, I’m gonna go to the bathroom,” Frank said. “Come with me?” 

I followed him to the bathroom and he pulled me in urn him, locking the door. 

“Frank, this looks suspicious, someone might think we’re gay,” I said. 

“You are gay, Baby,” Frank said. 

“They don’t need to know that,” I mumbled. 

Frank held my hips, gently pressing his lips against mine as he pressed me against the counter. I didn’t really want to do anything but Frank seems like he did and I just wanted to make him happy, he should get something for being in this shitty relationship. 

“I love you,” he muttered, his lips moving to suck on my neck. 

I reached down and cupped the bulge in his jeans, hearing his soft moans. It seemed like soon enough I was bent over the counter. There was that emptiness again, the vast nothing as Frank pounded into me from behind, trying his best to stifle his moans. I was just glad the mirror wasn’t right in front of me so he couldn’t see the tears running down my cheeks. I was just filled with nothing, completely empty inside as numbness ran through my body. I think the worst part was that Frank didn’t even notice. I just wanted to feel something again. 

“Fuck,” he muttered as he finished inside me before pulling out. 

“I-I’m gonna stay here for a bit and wash my face and stuff,” I muttered. “I’ll go meet you out with Jamia and Andy.”

“You sure?” Frank asked and I nodded. “Alright, I love you.”

He kissed the back of my head before he left. I pulled my pants up, crying quietly as I sat down and pulled my knees to my chest. I finally got up, wiping the tears off my cheeks. I made my way to the fridge and grabbed two bottles of beer. I walked around, wandering up to the third floor. I found the door to the attic and climbed the ladder before pulling it closed behind me. 

It was dark and quiet and empty up here as I cried, drinking the beers quickly. I had never really drank before so I had no tolerance built up, causing the alcohol to fill me up quickly as things began to get fuzzy. I just sobbed, making my way to the window. I climbed out onto the roof and sniffled as I stood at the edge. I just had to jump and then everything would be okay again.

“Hey! That kid’s gonna jump!” Someone shouted. 

It became rather silent as people looked up at me. I saw Frank rush into the house and could see Jamia crying as Andy held her to his chest. 

“Hey, Baby,” Frank said. 

He was already at the window. How’d he get here so fast?

“Come on, let’s come inside,” he said. 

“N-no, I can’t,” I whimpered. “I-I can’t do this anymore.”

“Baby, Baby, it’s gonna be okay,” Frank said. “We can go home and snuggle and sleep and then we can talk about this in the morning.”

“No, I can’t,” I denied. 

I took a swig from my bottle, looking down at the concrete beneath me. 

“I have to jump,” I said. 

“No you don’t,” Frank said. 

“I do,” I insisted. 

“You’ll probably only break a bone from this height,” Frank said. 

I bit my lip as I looked down. Maybe if I land the right way…

“Baby, come on, what about Jamia and me?” He asked. 

I glanced at Jamia but frowned when I couldn’t see her in the yard anymore. 

“Gee, Baby, come take my hand,” he said. 

I sniffled, turning around to face him and take his hand when I lost my footing. I slipped off the side of the roof but managed to grab onto the gutter as I heard Frank scream. I couldn’t fall this way, I wouldn’t die this way. Someone on the third floor grabbed my waist, pulling me in through a window. 

I looked up at Andy as he helped to set me on the ground. Frank came running down, wrapping his arms around me. Andy pulled us into his room and Frank sobbed, clutching onto me. 

“I love you, Baby, I love you so much,” he cried. “P-please don’t do that.”

Frank gave me a soft kiss, wiping away my tears. 

“Come on, I think you should sleep this off,” Andy said. 

He helped me into his bed and I whimpered as I curled up under the blanket. 

“It’s okay,” Frank whispered. “Everything’s gonna be okay.”

He ran his fingers through my hair, crying quietly as he sat beside me. 

“You can stay here for the night,” Andy offered. 

“No, I-I can’t,” I denied. “I gotta leave.”

“No, Baby, I think you should stay here,” Frank said quietly. “Come on, we can cuddle if you want.”

I shook my head, moving out of the bed. I curled up in the corner, crying heavily as I held my knees to my chest. 

“C-can we be alone for a bit?” Frank asked. 

Andy and Jamia both nodded. 

“Alright, there’s a mini fridge next to my dresser with some water in it,” Andy said. 

They left us alone and Frank came over, pressing a bottle of water to my lips. 

“Come on, you need to drink some water,” he said. “You has too much beer you should have some water.”

I shook my head, pushing it away. 

“Baby, you need to drink some water,” he said. 

I sniffled, taking a few small sips. 

“Everything is gonna be okay,” he whispered. 

“N-no it’s not,” I cried. “Everything is just complete fucking shit. It isn’t going to get Fucking better. It’s all just Fucking shit. It’s only going to be worse when we break up.”

“Hey, we aren’t gonna break up,” Frank said softly. “I love you so much, we’re fate.”

“Fate isn’t fucking real, Frank,” I snapped. “You just happened to move into the house next to me. It isn’t Fucking Fate and we aren’t going to fucking stay together forever. It’s just coincidence. We aren’t meant to be, we are going to break up.”

“No, Baby, no, d-don’t say that,” he whimpered. 

“It’s true,” I muttered. “You hate me because I’m always Fucking up and you have to take care of me.”

“No, no, I love you,” he said. “And you don’t fuck up, you don’t. I love you so much.”

Frank showered my face in kisses and I shook my head, pushing away from him. 

“Leave me alone,” I said. 

“No, Baby—“

“Frank, leave me the fuck alone already,” I interrupted. 

Frank sniffled, kissing my cheek

“I love you,” he whispered. 

Frank stood up reluctantly before walking out of the room. Jamia came in not long after, tucking me into Andy’s bed as I quickly passed out.


	28. Chapter 28

“What about you and Frank? Are you two dating?” Patrick asked me. 

“No, we aren’t,” I said. “Wh-why would you think that?”

“I don’t know, maybe just the way that he looks at you,” Patrick said. “Almost like he’s in love with you.”

“No, we are most certainly not dating,” I said. “I-I would never date him..”

Patrick nodded. “Sorry, I just thought you two were dating.”

I bit my lip, nodded softly as we sat on my couch. 

“So, What you’re dating is that you’re single?” Patrick asked. 

“Well, uh, yes,” I said. 

“Great,” He said. 

Patrick leaned over, gently pressing his lips against mine. I don’t know if it was just my desperate need to feel anything at all but I found myself kissing back. But of course, there was nothing. 

“Patrick,” I said quietly. 

“I know I’ve only been here for two weeks and all but I just think you’re so sweet and funny,” he said. 

I looked down at my lap, shaking my head. 

“No, I’m not any of those things,” I said. 

“Yes you are,” he insisted. “You’re beautiful and sweet and kind.”

He leaned forward, gently giving me a soft, nervous kiss. 

“Patrick,” I mumbled. 

“I should go, shouldn’t I?” Patrick asked. 

I nodded my head, watching him walk out of the house. Fuck, Patrick actually kissed me. I should tell Frank about this, right? Well, it’s not like it meant anything so there’s not really anything to tell. So I guess it’s decided then, I won’t tell him. 

I went upstairs to my room, crawling into bed. I stared up at the ceiling, a sick feeling forming in my stomach. I looked out the window and smiled softly when I saw Frank playing guitar. He looked so concentrated with his headphones on as he played. 

I laid down and went back to staring at the ceiling. I closed my eyes, taking a few deep breaths. My therapist has told me to start trying these breathing techniques to help calm me down when I needed it. I guess it helped to calm me down a bit while in the moment but it didn’t really change anything. Just because I’m breathing in a slow rhythm it doesn’t change all the shit in the world.

My phone rang and I saw Frank’s name pop up, a picture of him underneath it. I bit my lip for a moment as I looked at the picture of him smiling. I couldn’t answer because that means talking to him and talking to him meant trying not to tell him about Patrick.

“Hello?” I asked when I answered.

“Hey, Baby, do you wanna come over and hang out for a little bit?” Frank asked.

“I don’t know,” I mumbled.

“Patrick isn’t still over, is he?” Frank asked. “I know that he was coming over for a little bit.”

“No, he’s gone,” I said.

“Alright, come on over again and I can make us pizza rolls,” Frank said. “There’s some pop in the fridge too.”

“Fine,” I said quietly.

I hung up and went over to his house, finding him down in the kitchen. He wore just some batman pajama pants and a plain black t-shirt. He made some pizza rolls for us and we grabbed some pops before we went upstairs.

“I missed you,” he whispered.

Frank held my hips, giving me a soft kiss.

“You feeling okay?” Frank asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I said.

“Are you sure?” Frank asked. “You know that you don’t have to lie to me, you never have to lie to me and I don’t want you to lie to me.

“Patrick kissed me,” I said quietly.

“P-Patrick?” Frank asked in shock.

I nodded softly, looking down.

“Did you kiss him back?” Frank asked.

I didn’t say anything, looking down.

“You kissed him?” Frank asked.

“I-It was only for a second,” I whispered.

“Oh my god, you kissed him,” he muttered. “You actually kissed him.”

“I was just in shock,” I said. “I really didn’t mean to, Frank, I felt sick afterwards. I really do love love you, I love you so much. I-I’m even starting to grow a liking to your tattoo.”

I went to grab his hand with the tattoo but he pulled it away. I felt my heart shatter as he bit his lip.

“I’m sorry,” he muttered, taking my hand in his.

“No, I’m the one who’s sorry, you don’t have anything to apologize for,” I said.

We heard a ding from downstairs and Frank bit his lip.

“The, uh, the pizza rolls are done,” he said.

Frank went downstairs and I looked around for a bit. I sat down on the bed, biting my lip as I played with my fingers. Frank seemed to take a little while before I got curiously and went downstairs. He stood in front of the counter, looking out the window towards my house.

“Frank?” I asked quietly.

I heard him sniffle and saw him wipe his eyes before he turned around.

“Hey, Baby,” he said. “The pizza rolls are done. Do you wanna go watch a movie or something?”

I hesitated for a moment before I nodded. We sat down on opposite sides of the couch as he turned the tv on. My eyes watered as I watched the screen quietly. 

“Frank, I-I didn’t mean to, he just surprised me he kissed me all of the sudden,” I said.

“No, i-it’s okay,” he insisted.

“No it’s not,” I denied. “You’re upset.”

“No, it’s cool,” he said. “I-I mean I’m not happy about it but...it’s okay. J-just don’t get upset, okay?”

“Frank, you don’t have to pretend to be okay just so I won’t slit my fucking wrists,” I said.

“Baby, p-please don’t say that,” Frank whimpered.

“Ignoring it won’t make it just fucking go away,” I said.

“B-but if you stay happy then it’ll be okay,” Frank said. “Please, I love you and I just want you to be happy and okay.”

“Frank, sh-should I just go?” I asked. “You don’t ever have to talk to me again if you don’t want to.”

“No, no, please don’t go,” Frank begged. “I need you, I love you so much.”

I sniffled, shaking my head.

“N-no you don’t,” I sniffled. “You can’t love me, I-I kissed Patrick.”

“Baby, it’s okay, it’s just a little kiss that meant nothing,” he said.

I leaned over, giving him a kiss. My hands tangled into his hair as I pressed my body against his. I moved down his body, on my knees in front of the couch.

“Baby,” Frank said quietly.

I shook my head, unzipping his pants. I ran my tongue along his underside, hearing his soft moan. I whimpered, closing my eyes as I took his erection into my mouth. His hand reached down to tangle into my hair and I looked up, watching the way his eyes closed and head fell back. I don’t know why exactly I was sucking him off, I just wanted to keep him happy.

Tears rolled down my cheeks but I tried to ignore them as I moved my head on him. It seemed like forever before he finished. I gagged, swallowing before leaning back. Frank sighed, pulling up his pants before looking down at me.

“Oh, hey,” he said softly. “Y-you’re crying, why are you crying?”

“No, m-my eyes were just watering from gagging,” I lied.

Frank pulled me up, wrapping his arms around me.

“Baby, are you sure you’re okay?” Frank asked. “What was that for?”

I just shrugged, resting my head on his chest. Frank ran his fingers through my hair, holding me close. 

“I love you,” he mumbled.

“I know, I love you too,” I said.

I glance down at the tattoo on his hand. I know that I had said I was getting more comfortable with it but I really wasn’t. I still felt the same about this as before. There was just this general bit of discomfort included within it as I stared at his hand.

“Do you really believe that we’re fate?” I asked.

“Of course I do, why wouldn’t I?” He asked.

“I don’t know, it’s nothing,” I said.

“No, Baby, come on, tell me,” he said.

I shook my head, wrapping my arms around him. I closed my eyes when I felt the burn of the tears here again. I cried quietly, burying my face into his shoulder. I clung to him as I sobbed heavily and Frank held me tight.

“Baby, Baby, what’s wrong?” Frank asked.

I just cried harder and Frank pulled me close.

“I’ve got you, Baby,” Frank whispered.

My body was shaking lightly as he held me in his arms. 

“F-Frank, wh-what--I-I don’t know what I-I’m doing a-anymore,” I hiccuped.

“What are you talking about?” Frank asked.

“I-I--”

I cut myself off, wrapping my arms around him

“Gerard, Baby, it’s okay,” Frank whispered. “I’m here for you, I’ve got you and I’m never going to let you go.”

“Frank, I-I don’t think I can do it,” I whimpered. “I turn eighteen soon, I-I can just drop out of school.”

“Baby, baby no,” he said. “Listen, there is only a few more weeks until we’re done and then we are done, completely done. You don’t even have to go to the ceremony if you really don’t want to.”

“I-I’m not,” I muttered.

“And that’s okay, completely okay,” he said. “But you see, there’s only a few more weeks until we get to leave and I know that you’re strong enough to make it these next few weeks. I’ll be here for you and so will Jamia. We love you so much, you know that, right?”

I sniffled and nodded my head, laying my head down on his chest.

“You wanna do those breathing things that your therapist told you to do?” Frank asked.

I nodded and took a few deep breaths. Frank held me close, running his fingers through my hair until I fell asleep.


	29. Chapter 29

I walked into school and let out a fearful whimper when I saw Brendon and Pete. Frank was by my side as we went inside. I closed my eyes, trying to prepare myself while I heard their footsteps come over.

“Hey, just leave him alone already,” Frank said.

I watched as Pete shoved Frank to the side and Brendon laid a punch on my stomach. I doubled over, groaning in pain. I just closed my eyes, trying to ignore everything as they just kicked me over and over. Every hit seemed to only numb me more and more, silent tears rolling down my cheeks. Finally they seemed to leave and Frank hurried to my side.

“Gerard, are you okay?” Frank asked.

I sniffled, shaking my head.

“I-I think I’m gonna throw up,” I whimpered.

Frank helped me up and I winced as he brought me to the bathroom. I threw up, the chocolate bar Frank brought for me in the morning making its way into the ceramic bowl. I washed my mouth out and Frank grabbed some paper towels. He got them wet slightly before helping to clean the blood off me.

“You know what, you don’t deserve this anymore,” Frank stated.

I whimpered as he helped me to my feet and helped me down to the office. Soon enough we were in the office sat down in the front of the principle.

“These kids have been terrorizing him for years,” Frank complained. “They beat him up and say nasty things every single day.”

“Well, boys will be boys,” the principle said.

“It’s not boys being fucking boys,” Frank spat. “It’s boys being fucking cruel!”

“Hey, watch your language, this is a place of learning,” he said. “Who are you two again?”

“I’m Frank Iero and this is Gerard Way,” Frank said, clearly trying to keep his cool.

“Okay, and who are these kids?” He asked.

“Brendon Urie and Pete Wentz,” Frank stated.

“Oh, those are the captains of the soccer team,” he said. “Lovely boys.”

“You have to fucking do something about this,” Frank said. “Gerard doesn’t even want to come to school anymore because of them, he wants to drop out.”

“Well, it seems to me like you’re just being a girl,” the principle said.

“He shouldn’t have to feel unsafe just coming to school,” Frank said. “This place, in your own words, should be a place of learning. He should be able to come here and just be able to learn happily. He shouldn’t have to be scared of this place or anyone in it.”

“Come on, just man up already,” the principle said.

I cried quietly, my heart racing. I could feel myself panicking, my breathing picking up. Was the room getting smaller? Oh god, it’s gotten so hot in here.

“He doesn’t need to fucking man up, you need to do something about those assholes,” Frank said.

“Those are some of our star students,” he said.

“Just because they’re on the soccer team doesn’t mean they should be favored at all,” Frank said. “They are harassing him everyday of his life. He even has to go to fucking therapy because of them.”

“Therapy is for girls,” the principle said.

“That doesn’t fucking make any fucking sense,” Frank spat. “Therapy doesn’t have anything to do with gender.”

“Of course it is, therapy is just for those rich girls who go to whine when their daddy doesn’t give them their allowance,” the principle said.

“Are you fucking dumb?” Frank asked.

“Hey, you watching your language or else I will suspend the two of you,” he said.

I whimpered, my breath picking up even faster.

“You have to do something about them, they hurt him every single day,” Frank said. “It’s awful, they beat him every single day, he can’t even walk down certain hallways because of them.”

I whimpered, pulling my knees up to my chest. Everything seemed to fade around me as I cried. It seemed so distant when Frank put his hands on my shoulders, he sounded a thousand miles away.

“You’re having a panic attack, just take a few deep breaths,” he said.

I whimpered, nodding my head as I took a few slow, deep breaths.

“See, look at what you’ve done,” Frank said. “This is a shitty fucking school with shitty fucking kids.”

I sniffled, wiping my eyes.

“Well, who cares if he drops out?” The principle said. “It’s not like he actually matters at all.”

I don’t matter. 

“I can’t believe you have an actual job helping students in school,” Frank mumbled.

“Please, Frank l-let’s just go,” I whimpered.

“No, they can’t just get away with fucking beating you every second of everyday,” Frank said.

“P-please,” I begged.

Frank looked at me before he sighed and nodded. He helped me out and I felt my body in pain everytime I moved. Frank’s arm went to loop around my waist to help me walk as I limped but I pushed his arm away. 

“Do you wanna go home?” Frank asked.

We happened to pass by Patrick and he frowned softly.

“Gerard? What happened?” He asked. “Are you okay?”

“He’s fine,” Frank snapped.

“No, he isn’t,” Patrick sighed, resting a hand on my shoulder.

“Don’t fucking touch him,” Frank spat, hitting his hand away.

“P-please, I just wanna go h-home,” I begged.

“Alright, we’ll get you home with a nice cup of hot chocolate,” he said.

I sniffled and nodded my head, walking out of the school. We went home and I sniffled as I laid in bed.

“Come here, let me see where you’re hurt,” he said.

I nodded, letting him pull off my shirt and my pants. Frank sat beside me as he looked me over.

“Alright, I-I’ll get you some ice packs,” he said. “Do you have ice packs?”

“In the freezer on the top shelf,” I said.

Frank nodded and hurried downstairs. When he came back he had a couple of ice packs and two mugs of hot chocolate. 

“Here, we’ll put one on your ribs and one on your head,” Frank said as I sat up against the headboard. “Do you think you’ll need it anywhere else?”

I shrugged as I sniffled quietly. Frank gave me a soft kiss.

“Th-they don’t even care about me, I don’t mean anything,” I whispered.

“No, that isn’t true,” Frank denied. “You’re so important. Those people are all just fuckers. We all love you, Baby. You’re so important and we are going to be so happy together in the future when we can just get out of this shithole. We are going to go and live in our own little apartment and have an amazing life together.”

I sniffled, closing my eyes as I shook my head.

“Yes, we are, we’re gonna get apartment and then a nice little house and we’re gonna get married and adopt some cute little kids,” he said.

I sniffled as he gave me a soft kiss on the cheek.

“I love you,” he said, resting his forehead against mine.

The door opened and I gasped as I looked over at my mom.

“You fucking faggot,” she spat.

I whimpered as Frank stood up between us.

“You can’t fucking talk to him like that,” Frank denied.

“Frank, y-you should go,” I said quietly.

Frank hesitated for a moment before he nodded. He walked passed my mom and I sniffled as I looked out my window and watched as walked into his own house.

“You’re so fucking disgusting,” my mom spat.

I sniffled as I stood up.

“I knew I should have fucking aborted you when I had the chance,” she said.

“Mom, please,” I whimpered. 

She took a swig of her beer, looking at me in disgust.

“You’re fucking awful,” she said. “You’re a pathetic waste of space.”

The bottle in her hand came swinging down and I didn’t have any time to react before it was hit against my head. I fell to the ground, pain washing over me before I slowly passed out.

When I came to I was alone. It was dark and cold. I stumbled up to my feet, whimpering quietly as pain washed over my body. I went out to Frank’s house and knocked on the door as I cried quietly.

“Oh my god, Gerard!” Ms. Iero gasped.

She helped me inside and sat me down at the table.

“I’m gonna call an ambulance, what happened?” She asked.

“I-I...I was walking and someone tried...t-tried mugging me and they h-hit me in the head w-with a bottle,” I said.

“You poor thing,” she said.

She grabbed a wet rag, calling an ambulance as she gently touched my head with the rag. I winced, crying out in pain.

“I-I’m sorry,” she said. “Frank!”

I heard footsteps coming down the stairs before Frank walked in.

“Gee! Oh my god, Baby!” Frank gasped. “Wh-what happened?”

“Someone tried to mug him,” Ms. Iero said. “Poor thing, he was beaten up and had a bottle smashed over his head.”

Frank looked at me and he knew it wasn’t true. I could hear sirens outside and I whimpered. Paramedics came in and they put me on a stretcher.

“We need you to sit very still for us,” the paramedic said. “Can you tell us your name and age?”

“Uh, I-I’m...I’m gonna throw up,” I said.

Ms. Iero ran over with the trash can and I sobbed as I threw up in it.

“Can you tell us your name and age?” They repeated.

I frowned softly in confusion. “U-um, my name is Gerard Way, I’m seventeen.”

“Can you tell us what happened?” He asked.

“Mugged,” I said.

“He was hit over the head with a bottle,” Ms. Iero said.

“What kind of bottle?” He asked. “Do you know the thickness of the glass? The kind force used on it?”

“You’re very lucky,” One of the other paramedics said. “It’s extremely dangerous to be hit over the head with a bottle. You could have easily been killed.”

Darn.

If only I was.

“We need to get you to the hospital, you’re gonna need stitches and a concussion,” he said.

I sniffled, nodding my head as I was buckled in and put into the ambulance. Closing my eyes as I quickly passed out.


	30. Chapter 30

Frank walked in giving me a soft kiss.

“How are you feeling, Beautiful?” He asked.

I shrugged and he smiled.

“You ready to go back to school?” He asked.

“No,” I said.

“Baby, it’s been two weeks already,” he said. “It’s the end of the year, you have to go.”

I sniffled, shaking my head.

“Come on, only a few more weeks and then you’re done, completely and one hundred percent done,” he said.

I nodded my head and he held my hand, helping me stand up. Frank pulled a shirt over my head gently and I shook my head.

“I-I need a hoodie,” I said.

“It’s pretty warm out,” he said.

I looked down at my wrists and he nodded, getting me a hoodie to go over my t-shirt. He got me into a pair of jeans got my shoes on me. I put on a pair of sunglasses as we walked outside. The light still irritated me a bit so I just wore sunglasses. Frank handed me a piece of the chocolate bar and I took a small bite.

“I feel sick, I think we should just go home,” I said.

“You’re gonna be okay, only a few more weeks,” he said.

“Few more weeks,” I mumbled.

Frank nodded and held my hand. We got to school and I bit my lip nervously. Thankfully no one seemed to be around. I got to first hour and sighed as I sat down in my seat next to Frank. Five minutes into class and a worker walked in.

“Gerard Way, your guidance counselor would like to see you,” she said.

I looked at Frank nervously and he smiled.

“They’re probably just gonna give you some of the work you missed,” Frank said.

I nodded and followed the lady to the office. I sat down in front of my guidance counselor and she smiled. 

“How are you feeling Gerard?” She asked. 

“Better,” I replied quietly. 

“That’s good,” she said. “I tell you, when I heard someone actually got mugged here I would not believe it. I know Jersey isn’t necessarily the safest state but our town is rather quaint and nice. And then I heard it was You it happened to and oh my heart just shattered for you. And a bottle! I heard you’re more likely to be killed with a bottle than to survive.”

I nodded softly. Guess I was just one of the unlucky ones to survive. 

“I sent you flowers in the hospital, did you get them?” She asked. 

“Yes, I did, thank you,” I said. 

She was in fact the only person to care about my situation other than Frank, Patrick, Ms. Iero And Jamia. 

“I was gonna send you some chocolates or something but I wasn’t sure what you liked and then I wasn’t even sure if you were allowed to be eating chocolate, I don’t know much about concussions,” she said. “I just don’t know how you did it, I think that you’re so brave. You just picked yourself up and carried yourself on back home. I don’t think I would ever have that kind of courage or strength.”

I nodded my head, playing with the sleeve of my shirt. 

“I am so sorry that all of that happened to you,” she said. “It must have been traumatizing to go through what you did. And they still haven’t caught the guy! That man is still out there and he needs to be caught, he probably intended to kill you. But he’s still out there lurking around and he can hurt someone else. What did he take from you?”

“Oh, j-just some money,” I lied. “I didn’t have much of anything on me at the time.”

“Oh well at least that’s good that they didn’t take too much,” she said. “I can’t believe something like that actually happened in a town like this. I’m so sorry, no one should have to experience that.”

I nodded my head, looking down at my lap. 

“And I’m always here if you need to talk to me about anything,” she said. “I mean, that’s kind of my job but I want to help you and I want to help all the students in the school.”

“Thank you,” I said quietly. 

“Now, I want to talk to you about something,” she said. “I’m sorry but you won’t be able to graduate with the rest of the senior class.”

I felt my heart stopped as I looked at her. 

“I-I can’t graduate?” I whimpered. “I’m gonna be a super senior?”

“You don’t have enough credits to graduate,” she said. “You’ve missed too much school.”

“But I had a concussion, I was mugged, I-I wasn’t allowed to go to school,” I said. 

“Discluding these past two weeks,” she said. “You’ve missed too many classes and I’m sorry but you’ve failed three of them, you’re going to have to return next year to repeat senior year.”

The world around me seemed to shatter, the hopelessness filling me from the inside out. I leaned back in defeat, tears pricking my eyes. This was supposed to be it. I only had a few more weeks and then I was going to be done with this shit hole and Frank and I were going to move away together. 

“I’m so sorry,” she said quietly. “But you only need some second semester credits so next year you can actually graduate a semester early and just do the ceremony with the rest in the spring.”

I shook my head, crying quietly. 

“I’m sorry, I know you were excited to graduate,” she said. “But you see, now you can have more time to think about colleges. Where were you thinking of going? What do you wanna major in?”

I shook my head, my breath picking up as I sobbed. I hurried out of the room and into the hallway when the bell rang. Frank found me and held me close. 

“Baby, Baby, what’s wrong?” Frank asked. 

“Look, it’s the faggy boys,” Brendon said. 

I sobbed as he shoved me against the locker. 

“Stop fucking touching him!” Frank shouted, shoving Brendon back for me. Can’t you tell he’s Fucking hurt already?”

“Look, it’s the little boyfriend coming to your defense,” Pete said. 

“He’s not my boyfriend!” I shouted, shoving Frank. 

Frank fell to the ground, looking up at me with pained eyes. 

“Gerard,” he said softly. 

“Just fuck off!” I screamed. 

Everyone was watching now as I turned, running out of the school. My head was killing me and I was a bit nauseous as I hurried into me Home. I ran upstairs, curling up in my bed as I sobbed heavily, my whole body shaking. 

I sniffled as I went downstairs, finding a can of pop. I looked at the mail and sighed. There were letters from colleges Frank had helped me apply to. I thought that maybe I can actually go to college, I can try and I can be happy. 

Rejections from every college. 

I grabbed a notepad, sitting down at the table. I sniffled, drinking the pop as I wrote. Eventually I just put my head down on the table and took a nap when I was finished. 

When I woke up I saw that school was just about ending, Frank must be just getting home right about now. 

I left my can Where it was and went upstairs. I tossed my hoodie into my bedroom before going to the bathroom. I filled the tub with water, pulling off my shirt and pants. I looked in the mirror, sniffling as I ran my hands through my hair. My jaw was still slightly bruised and I looked so pale. There were bags under my eyes and my hair hasn’t been washed in nearly three weeks now. 

I reached into the cupboard, grabbing my little shiny razor. 

I closed my eyes, sitting down in the tub as I sobbed. There was nothing now, nothing for me. I couldn’t just keep doing this anymore. I can’t. It’s too much.

Jamia has a new boyfriend now and she isn’t even paying attention to me. She doesn’t care about me, she doesn’t need me. She had someone else now and soon they were gonna fall in love and get married and move away. Maybe I would be invited to the wedding but that would be the only time I would see them. She didn’t need me, I wasn’t important to her. She’s already starting to forget about me. 

Frank and I aren’t going to make it anyways. It’s just gone to shit between us. It was distant and cold and uncomfortable. The kiss with Patrick only made it worse. Frank tries to pretend that everything is okay and happy but it isn’t. He only pretends to keep me happy because he’s too scared of hurting me. All he ever does is walk on eggshells around me. 

I just…I just can’t do it anymore. It’s too much, too much. I can’t wake up everyday to this shitty life. I can’t do it anymore. It was as though a million weights were placed on my shoulders, keeping me down and keeping the happiness away until I was just drowning. I was drowning and I couldn’t do anything about it. 

Well, there is one thing I can do about it.

I can just end it now. 

I sniffled as I turned the razor over between my fingers. The light glinted off of it and I sniffled. Water from the faucet dripped softly, little ripples moving on the surface of the water. Things almost seemed to be frozen now as I was left here all alone. 

I almost expected Frank to come in and save me like he always seems to do. But now he wasn’t and I was all alone. Frank didn’t care. He would rather I kill myself just so he doesn’t have to take care of me all the time anymore. 

I pressed the razor against my pale wrist, letting out a small squeak of pain as it broke through my skin. I gasped, cutting vertically down my left wrist. Blood spurted out mixing in with the water and dripping down the white tub in dark red streaks. I switched hands with the razor, crying as I cut down my other wrist. 

I dropped the razor down so it floated on the surface of the water. I cried silently, my head tipping back against the tile wall of the shower. My wrists rested up on the rims of the tub, blood dripping down into water. I closed my eyes, feeling the life dripping out of my body. I don’t know how long it was, it felt like a million years but two seconds at the same time. It was probably only fifteen minutes before I passed out, my life leaving this earth.


	31. Epilogue

I kept thinking about how Gerard had shoved me like that. He seemed so scared and upset. Something clearly happened with his guidance counselor but I couldn’t figure out what. 

I walked home from school at the end of the day. I glanced over at Gerard’s house as I bit my lip. I shouldn’t bother him right now, I should just leave him be. He’s been going through something recently and I just wanted him to feel better. 

In my bedroom I looked out the window into Gerard’s room. I saw his hoodie tossed onto the bed but other than that there was no sign of him. He must’ve gone downstairs to eat and watch tv or something like that. I sighed as I sat on my bed, running my fingers through my hair. 

After an hour or two I got up, deciding to go to Gerard’s house when I hadn’t heard from him yet. I walked inside his front door and saw a half empty can of pop on the table next to a notepad. I picked up the pad and immediately noticed Gerard’s handwriting. 

_I’m sorry, Frank._

_I love you but I just can’t do it anymore. I’m sorry that our relationship turned to such shit but it was really great while it lasted._

_Remember when you would hold me in your arms all night while I cried? And remember when you made me my very own homecoming dance? Or remember at the cabin when I laid down in the snow and made a snow angel and you laid beside me and kissed me? I loved the way your hand felt in mine, holding on tight like you were my grasp to happiness. I loved the way you smiled and your pretty green eyes. I loved the way your lips were always so soft and gently against mine. You were always there for me when I was just always fucking shit up. I know I ruined your life, ruined your senior year with all my constant whining and complaining. I was always just being dumb and irritating. I wish I could take that back so you didn’t hate me as much as you do, you were growing to resent me._

_And to Jamia, you were always my best friend and you always will be. I love you so much, you’re my best friend in the whole world. You stayed by my side no matter what. You will always be my most best friend in the whole world. You’re gonna be happy with Andy, I know that. He’s so perfect. You two are going to get married and grow old with a bunch of little kids running around._

_That’s what you’re gonna do too, Frank. You’re gonna forget about me. We were never going to last, there is no such thing as fate. We were never going to get married and live happily ever after. You were always going to end up breaking up with me and you were gonna fall in love with someone else. I was never that important. I’m insignificant._

_Goodbye, Frank._

_Goodbye, Jamia._

_I love you both._

_-Gerard_

I felt my heart stop as I dropped the note, looking around. It seemed so empty and quiet here.

“Gerard!” I shouted.

I ran upstairs, looking into his empty bedroom. I ran to the bathroom, throwing open the door. I screamed at the sight in front of me, Gee laid limp in the tub, blood covering his body. 

“No! No!” I sobbed. 

I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him out of the tub. I dragged him out onto the tile floor and sobbed as I looked at the deep, jagged vertical cuts going down both his wrists. I grabbed his shirt, tying it around his right wrist. I took off my own t-shirt and wrapped it around his other wrist. I grabbed my phone, calling an ambulance.

“I-I need help!” I sobbed. “M-my boyfriend--”

I cut myself off as I sobbed, cradling Gerard in my arms.

“Sir, what happened to your boyfriend?” The person asked.

“H-He--oh god,” I sobbed. “Please, I need help.”

I gave them the address before hanging up, sobbing as I looked down at Gerard. He wasn’t breathing and I sobbed. I set him on the ground, starting to perform CPR on him. Oh god I hope I was doing this right, I only remember it from my freshman health class.

“Please, Baby, please,” I sobbed.

I sniffled, leaning down to give him a soft kiss.

“B-Baby,” I whimpered. “I-I love you.”

Paramedics rushed in and I looked up at them desperately. They quieted down as the looked at the scene of me on the ground with my bloody, dead boyfriend, the shower and tub filled with blood. They came in with a stretcher and a body bag.

“I’m sorry,” one of them whispered.

I watched as they zipped Gerard up in the body bag and carried him away. I sobbed, following them out where there was an ambulance and two police cars with their lights on but no sirens. People around us were going outside to see what happened, most of them gasping when they saw a body bag.

“Frank?” My mom asked, running over to me.

I sobbed, falling into her arms.

“Frankie, Frankie, what happened? What’s going on?” She asked.

“G-Gerard, h-he killed himself,” I whimpered.

“O-Oh my god,” she muttered.

She took me into our house, holding me tight in her arms until I cried myself to sleep. My world felt as though it were completely falling apart, every inch of my life turning around as I felt an emptiness inside of me. My love, my one and only love was gone and now I had nothing. 

-+-

I walked across the little mini stage, taking the diploma from my principal's hand. I made my way back to my seat, looking behind me to where Jamia was sitting in the row behind me. She gave me a sad smile, her eyes watering. I reached back, giving her hand a soft squeeze before it was her turn to go up and get her diploma. The ceremony went by rather boringly until the end.

“We should all just take a moment of silence for one of our fellow students who should have been here joining this graduating class,” the principal said. “Gerard Way was just seventeen years old and what happened to him was devastating.” 

They projected a picture of Gerard onto the screen and I frowned. It was just one of those school yearbook pictures from this year. He looked so sad in it.

“Honestly, it’s so sad what happened to him,” some girl in front of me whispered.

“I know, why would he do something like this?” Her friend said. “There’s no reason for him to kill himself, life isn’t that bad.”

“Shut your fucking mouth,” I snapped, standing up as everyone in the room turned to face me. “You don’t know what it’s fucking like! I loved him! You all act sympathetic but every single one of you tortured him every single day! You made his life miserable! It’s because of you bitches that he did this to himself!”

“Frank, calm down,” the principal said.

“No!” I screamed. “You didn’t even fucking care about him! You’re the one who told him that therapy is for girls! You told him that he didn’t matter! That he wasn’t important! Just two weeks before he killed himself you told him that! You never cared about him! We came to you for help and you just ignored him!”

People stayed silent, all staring at me.

“And you two,” I said, going back to the row of students where Brendon and Pete were at near the back, my eyes glancing to the empty seat next to Pete where Gerard should’ve been sat due to the alphabetical order. “You two made his life fucking hell! You beat him over and over again every fucking day calling him a faggot until he fucking killed himself!”

“Who gives a shit?” Pete asked.

“I loved him!” I screamed.

I jumped at him, punching him in the jaw. My dad hurried over and pulled me off him as I sobbed, my graduation cap falling on the ground as he dragged me out while I screamed. I just screamed and screamed and didn’t stop until I was passed out in the hallway in my dad’s arms. The inside of my body tearing up, every inch of my heart aching as I missed Gerard with every being of my soul.


End file.
